ummike26 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Hi guys Im new here I need some advice b/c Im going crazy. I apologize if this situation has been posted and answered before. Writing and posting this just makes me feel good right now. My gf of 1.5 years started acting really strange around 2 months ago. She started mentioning my flaws a lot more (like how I need to lose weight, how my wardrobe needed to be updated, and how some really minor habits I have bothered her) Although this hurt me I worked on improving all the above and decided not to press the issue of her ignorance any further. She then proceeded to tell me last month that she kissed another guy at work and she was sorry and that I deserved better. I stupidly took her word that it was a 1 time thing and forgave her. However she never really was the same. Last week she left me a letter saying that she needs space and that I deserve someone that will treat me better then her. When I found the letter I was upset but took the advice of a friend and didnt call or text her. I immediately went NC b.c I didnt want anymore drama in my life at that moment due to all the tests I need to focus on for school. Do you think I should remain NC until she makes an attempt to contact me? I realize she may never make the effort and I dont know how I feel about that.. I keep thinking of how rude she was too me towards the end but also have the great moments we shared in my head. The way it ended is really eating at me.
PinkChic Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I'm sorry your huting! NO ONE deserves to be slapped in the face like that (as far as your flaws)... that's is VERY mean and you do NOT say those things to someone you love and care about... DO NOT CONTACT HER... start to try to heal and instead of remembering all the good times replay her voice in your head of her degrading your flaws... Good Luck to you
SleeplessRomantic Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 That's harsh, man. I agree with PinkChic, especially when she said that nobody deserves to have those kinds of things said to them. Don't contact her. My advice? Use all the time in the world that you need to heal. In the process, better yourself in every way possible. You are the one with the clear conscience. She not only cheated on you but she treated you poorly. That's something she'll have to continue living with on her mind, whether she chooses to acknowledge it or not. You, on the other hand, were mistreated, and understandably you are hurt because you cared about her for 1.5 years. Be selfish for a little while. Better yourself, enjoy life, keep busy with your hobbies and friends. Do anything and everything in your power to be the best you can be. As cliche as it sounds, it works. You can do it, Mike. You deserve better, man. As soon as you start respecting yourself and standing on your own two feet, calling the shots and knowing what you will and will not tolerate, that is when you will find your so-called 'wings' and be able to rise above. You'll be better than her by then. I promise.
sandman223 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 try and keep up with NC. I know how you feel. I am have been in NC for a while now and haven't heard from the ex. It is hard, and some days are worse than others, but do something productive when you think you might break down.
Author ummike26 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Thanks for the replies! I will try to keep my head up and work on improving myself no matter how defeated I feel. I hope no one has to experience the pain I felt through this. I have been questioning things about myself(such as looks, clothes I wear etc..) that I never thought I would be doing at my age. The whole situation has been a big blow to my self esteem.
sandman223 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Don't question yourself like that. Do try and become a better version of yourself though. My relationship was around 3 years before it ended. I am doing much better now, but I still have my down days. You gotta push through and know that keeping to it will be better for you in the long run!
Author ummike26 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Thanks Sandman. Good to know you are doing better. How long did it take you to not be affected by it daily?
sandman223 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Hmm, thats a tough question. I would say 3-4 weeks, with periods after that where I fell back into the bad way. Thats not to say I don't think about my ex daily, because I do. Just know that by going NC you are doing the best possible thing for yourself. You are giving yourself the ability to heal and become even better than you already are (not that you aren't awesome already), and you are showing your ex that there is life beyond her for you and you don't need her. It can hurt like hell at times, but push through!
PinkChic Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 So... I never thought I would share this with ANYONE... but your post makes me so sad to hear how your feeling because someone has said those mean things to you... So... please know I have changed A LOT and I deserve any meaness that is thrown at me but I think you should understand something... I was in a relationship for 5 years,... from 17-21/22ish... He was actually a rebound from my first love... our relationship was toxic and unhealthy... when we argued we REALLY argued, we would say harsh things and really hurt each other... it always felt like it was a game to see who could hurt each other the most... I'd like to think we finally calmed down a little.. he proposed, bought me a dog for valentines day and we bought a home together... we lasted living SIX WEEKS together before it ended (of course ended on VERY bad terms)... Our relationship was so unhealthy... I was your ex girlfriend.. I use to criticize him about EVERYTHING (weight, clothes, his job, everything) to make myself feel better, to somehow make up for my unhappiness in the relationship... Not an excuse what so ever but I also grew up watching my parents have a very toxic/abusive marriage and after finally figuring myself out (looking myself in the mirror and saying "what kind of person are you that can hurt people with such mean words?") I realized that i always had to have the "upper hand" in relationships because i never wanted to end up in a marriage like my parents where my dad, who obviously had the upper hand would beat my mother... no excuse whatsoever to make someone feel like that and now... older and wiser I KNOW how to treat a man in a relationship.. and it breaks my heart to read when people in relationships go after flaws that are especially painful such as weight, looks, etc... even though I use to be that person... My ex and I have not spoken in 3 years... you have no idea the guilt I live with all the time knowing the things I use to degrade him with... such as weight, etc... I know it hurt him and SOMEDAY... I'm not sure when... but he WILL get an apology from me because like I said... even though he was not an angel by any means in our relationship I had absolutely no right whatsoever to attack his very personal flaws... I knew I needed help... it's not normal to degrade a person to make yourself feel better... and your ex I PROMISE one day will look back and regret the things she said to you... please trust me on that... I would never in a million years get back together with my ex... it's been over 3 years... but he deserves and will recieve an apology from me someday... Keep your chin up... I know it's hard... but please believe me that growing up and realizing what a healthy relationship is all about you will realize that you don't ever deserve to be spoken to like that...
sonic3 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 She's right - you deserve better, much better. Don't accept anyone criticising you for who you are, and never question yourself. You are better off without this girl, it may take some time to see that but there are plenty of women out there who will accept you for who you are. She sounds pretty lousy that she's treated you like this, who is she to comment on your appearance or clothes?
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