Is this Wierd, or am I just out of touch

[inglorious]

Hi, I've never had cause to post on a forum like this before.. but I'm a little out of the game so I would be most grateful for any opinions or insights that this community might have to share against my scenario.

 

I'm a bloke, 43, and came out of a long term relationship in January and in April I have recently found myself getting into somethng new with a girl who I have known as a work aquaintence for many years, but never had been in a position to approach until recently as I am now back on the market (so to speak).

 

I know there will be opinions about getting into relationships with people at work, but I'd like to set that aside for a moment because we are in

different sections in a large corporation so it's not like we are too under each others feet. Only reason I am mentioning that we work together is to illustrate that we are not complete strangers and whilst we dont know each other too well.. are already somewhat aquainted.

 

We have started seeing each other recently because I have always held a small flame for her for many years (always fancied her a little) but would never act on it due to being in a relationship of my own. Some months after I had split with my ex, it came out in casual conversation that we were both available so I made a move at one of our department socials and asked it she would be interested in getting together outside of work, to which she seemed quite keen. From that point on, we have been seeing each other and there seems to be a real chemistry.

 

In the last couple of weeks it's all been very intense.. lots of physical contact, kissing cuddling deep conversation.. and also some quite exposed intimacy.. I have slept with her.. although I would add that it was more of an intimate exploration than gratifying sex because we are new to each other and we both know that it takes time to get used to a new partner.

 

All in all so far.. it's been very intoxicating and something that.. although I'm not quite used to.. has been a refreshing and welcome experience to us because she tells me that she has not had a partner like this for a few

years and from my perspective, my ex and I dried up on that angle many years ago too.. so it's all fresh and new and I'm happy for things to take their natural pace on that front.

 

It all sounds pretty good so far yes..?

 

What's troubling me is that despite how close we have gotten so far, and that despite the times I have spent at her house.. (so I know where she lives), right fro the beginning she would not give me her personal mobile phone number. I have her work mobile number, but the coverage where she lives is so bad that I can never initiate any contact with her. every time I have ever called.. for whatever reason. I can never get through because there is never any signal on the network of her work phone. Her personal phone works fine, but she wont give that number to me for some undisclosed reason.

 

Given the level of intimacy that we are already sharing, and feelings that are growing in me, and that she claims to share.. I find this a all bit wierd to the point that something doesn't sit right as it seems inconsistent with the emotional stake I am getting into. As small a thing as this is.. it's really starting to nag at me and as much as I dont want it to, it's giving me cold feet.

 

It seems such a tiny thing.. but makes me wonder why she cannot trust me with something so basic.. or whether this is her way of being controlling of our contact. It's becoming all I can see now and it's spoiling for me what should be a care free and natural go with the flow.

 

All things taken into context.. Am I being reasonable to be thinking this way? as much as I am into her and want to go with this freely with nothing ruled in or out.. I wish I could be cool about it but being 43 and her being 40.. I can help but feel thay lifes too short for any kind of head games or messing about with something that should be so straight forward.

 

I put this to her in a polite, but candid text (because I cannot initiate any other comms) and have not had a response in 24 hours. Should that be telling me something?

 

I'm a bit out of this game and only have my instincts to go on which I dont know whether to trust. Am I over reacting?

 

Thanks in advance for any of your thoughts.

[Stung]

Not hearing back from a text right away is not in itself a cause for serious concern--but yes, her refusal to give you her personal number is weird.

It also seems a little weird that she has both a personal mobile and a work mobile--I know a lot of people who have a phone from work, and they use it for personal purposes too. Maybe it depends on the industry, but...are you sure it's not her landline she's keeping from you?

 

My first thought was that she was hiding her landline so you couldn't call and interrupt her family life--that maybe she was married, or something. But since you've spent time at her house, that's pretty unlikely, so now I got nothing.

 

What exactly does she say when you ask her for the number?

[inglorious]

Hi stung.

 

Agreed that not getting a quick reply from a text isn't an issue in general, in fact unless a specific response is needed to a question or a confirmation, I see most texts as a 1-way message.

 

In our world it's quite normal to have 2 mobiles. One personal and one that work pays the contract & calls on. I have 2 myself.

 

When I asked her previously, she said she was wary of giving out her personal number for fear of some kind of abuse or other threat to her. I'm guessing that she's had wrong kinds of attention in the past and feels safer if all correspondance is on her work mobile. However, given how close we have already got, that I've stayed at her home, and the fact that I am in quite a senior position at work and have too much to lose to do anything stupid, it doesn't make sense.

 

It's not her landlne # I want, it's her personal mobile and that's only because it's the only one that works. If her work mobile worked it wouldn't be an issue.

 

On the practical side, it's awkward never being able to make contact in realtime in order to keep sync'd over simple arrangements and alighing up our available time windows for each other.

 

On the personal side, I am on the edge of falling quite hard for this girl, but my instincts are sending me warnings that I should not get emotionally invested because something "aint quite right", and maybe that I should quit while my head is still above the water to save any future heartache or embarrassment.