autumnbethesda Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I thought I'd share an amazing book with you all - you can see it online here "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/sr1.htm You can also buy the hard copy on amazon i think - its a mixture of stages of loss and then poems. Simple but profound. I also wanted to provided a quick update - I was the whose xMM disappeared after an amazing conversation. It will be two weeks tomorrow. I've respected that disappearing, not matter why, means I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU and therefore, I'm on NC. Its been emotionally tough as I was searching for closure. What I've decided is that I have closure. By disappearing on me, he confirmed he was not looking for further commitment and therefore had made his decision. Me reaching out asking why would only be torture and further rejection. Now that I understand he is done with this A., I have the closure. I still hurt. I still miss the connection everyday, but I realize I'm missing the attention and the constant ego boost. I'm not missing him because I could never miss someone who doesn't want anything to do with me after 6 months of constant contact, and is taking a coward's way out. i miss a feeling rather than a person. For all those who are struggling with the lack of closure and the incredible disappearing man, just remind yourself this is someone who is fearful of commitment and therefore will NEVER be able to give you even an inch of what you want. That is your closure. Accept it and try and manage the Loss best you can. I know I will see him or talk to him again one day - due to work issues. I'll have the satisfaction of acting so freaking happy and not bothered and when or if he tries to "come back" I will be able to tell him I have absolutely NO interest in wasting even another second of my life on such an unworthy and undeserving person. Or maybe I'll just ignore him :-) Good luck to everyone else. We will get there one day.
Amour7 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I'm glad to hear you're feeling better and you've found some kind of closure with the lack of closure. That must have been incredibly hard to have it come to an end so unexpectedly. Now that the shock has worn off some, it seems like it would be a natural time to think about the loss you've experienced and to really grieve. Thanks for the book recommendation. I could use a lot of help, myself! It's hard when really the only people who get how hard it is to recover from an A are our "friends" on LS and if you're lucky, a good therapist. When you lose a more conventional love, so many people understand and want to help. Best of luck to you.
Breezy Trousers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Good post. Thanks for the book recommendation, too. I'm sure you still hurt, but the longer you stay on the NC train, the easier it will become. Take care.
TurboGirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Great post. I'm on the NC train too - now been about 2 months... was in an A for about 2.5 years, neither of us planned on leaving, etc., but my xMM disappeared after a text message. Especially charming, I thought. Someone I thought was a friend turned out to be not even remotely so. Wouldn't talk with me, zippo. I know the day will come when he will email me or call me and my response will be: NC.
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