Sarabina Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I am a women and a self-proclaimed feminist and I am so sick and tired of other women wanting to be treated like Princesses; I have no respect for a women who expects a man to pay for everything. Personally, I believe in splitting the bill in half, which is the fairest and most progressive way to date in the 21st century. Anyway I have a question for men and women regarding this issue: 1) What do you think of a woman who expects a man to pay for everything, and gets offended by the idea of halving the bill? 2) What do you think of a woman who wants to split the bill? 3)Why do women still believe in this old- fashioned dating ritual?
Jazzari Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It really depends on the relationship and the financial status of the parties. I've been in relationships where the man is dirt poor and I've paid most often. My current relationship, the man is far better off than I am so he pays most often. I never split the bill. If the financial status is equal, we often trade off. I paid this time, you pay next time. First dates are a whole other story.
Darren Taylor Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 If I ask a girl out, then I feel obligated to pay. It wouldn't be right to invite someone somewhere and expect them to pay. Whether they accept the notion or not is something else. 1) What do you think of a woman who expects a man to pay for everything, and gets offended by the idea of halving the bill? Those types of women are low quality and they generally don't have healthy relationships. 2) What do you think of a woman who wants to split the bill? It's admirable and I'll certainly respect her more than someone that fits under #1. 3)Why do women still believe in this old- fashioned dating ritual? Could be a bunch of reasons. Upbringing, gold digger, cheap.
GorillaTheater Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 When a man asks me out he pays for everything and I don't even offer. He's getting the honor of dating me so I reciprocate by dating him. If more women did this then men would realize they need to work hard to get us and life would be better. There would also be less women complaining about men that won't marry them. I always pay, and likewise always demand anal sex on my dates. Quid pro quo and equity are important concepts, I think.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 The problem isn't that women demand men to pay for them, it's the fact that some men are too willing to part with their hard-earned cash. I honestly have no problem paying for myself and I have no problem paying for my friends. However I do have a problem with people who demands that I pay for my half when they were the one who asked me out ( on date). It only tells me they're cheapskates and shouldn't bother with dating. I understand the recessions hit most of our pockets very hard, but if even shilling out $10 for dinner is hard, maybe it's better for them to stay home with microwave pizza.
Author Sarabina Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 When a man asks me out he pays for everything and I don't even offer. He's getting the honor of dating me so I reciprocate by dating him. If more women did this then men would realize they need to work hard to get us and life would be better. There would also be less women complaining about men that won't marry them. I hope you are joking; it's this mentality that pisses me off. Just because you were born with a vagina that does not make you entitled to anything. Anyway, the 1950's are calling - they miss you.
Sanman Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I am a women and a self-proclaimed feminist and I am so sick and tired of other women wanting to be treated like Princesses; I have no respect for a women who expects a man to pay for everything. Personally, I believe in splitting the bill in half, which is the fairest and most progressive way to date in the 21st century. Anyway I have a question for men and women regarding this issue: 1) What do you think of a woman who expects a man to pay for everything, and gets offended by the idea of halving the bill? 2) What do you think of a woman who wants to split the bill? 3)Why do women still believe in this old- fashioned dating ritual? Here we go again... 1. Not my kind of woman. I prefer a relationship of equals over one where I am expected to take care of her. I am not a father yet and don't want to be yours. If it costs you nothing to be with me, I have a hard time believing you are invested in me (rather than my wallet). 2. This is my preference. Ideally, we are two people who are invested in getting to know each other and should split the costs. If I like you, I'll buy you a gift or insist on treating you to something later on. However, no one is entitled to anything due to the mere fact that you exist. 3. Not a woman, so I won't venture to speak for one. My guess is Hollywood has something to do with it though.
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I'm more or less like Jazzari in this nature, as it comes down to financial status a lot. My exBF had loads more money than I, so he paid most of the time. The current guy paid for the first date (He wouldn't let me -- he said "You can't take that away from me, I asked you out!" Too cute. Well, he would have let me, but he made it clear he preferred to pay.) but since he's a relatively poor PhD student (but on a good fellowship, so he makes about what I do as a teacher) who makes pretty much around what I make, we've been going back and forth, each paying for parts of the dates. Splitting it clean, or nitpicking over who had each little item, seems odd to me. I'd rather do the "You get, I get" type of way. (I've also paid the lion's share in the past with even poorer exes. So all depends.) 1) What do you think of a woman who expects a man to pay for everything, and gets offended by the idea of halving the bill? Funny, I guess I could be offended by halving the bill even though I don't expect men to pay for everything; all depends on what "halving" means and how it was broached. In terms of expecting men to pay for everything, well, expectations aren't attractive. Not all dynamics where the guy pays for everything come with that massive expecation, though. 2) What do you think of a woman who wants to split the bill? I think it's fine. When people are oddly firm in paying for all their own stuff (even friends), I find it super-odd. It all depends on how someone goes about it. I mean, if there were a person who'd never even let someone buy them a drink (a good friend or SO), I'd find them untrustworthy to be honest. Why be so rigid? But if you just mean someone who's looking out for fairness in the dynamic, that's cool. I always try to do that. 3)Why do women still believe in this old- fashioned dating ritual? Eh, plenty of men believe in it too. Most people I know rely more on income, except for the first date. I guess it's cause we're in the South but I've never met a man who didn't seem happier paying for the first date.
Sanman Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 The problem isn't that women demand men to pay for them, it's the fact that some men are too willing to part with their hard-earned cash. I honestly have no problem paying for myself and I have no problem paying for my friends. However I do have a problem with people who demands that I pay for my half when they were the one who asked me out ( on date). It only tells me they're cheapskates and shouldn't bother with dating. I understand the recessions hit most of our pockets very hard, but if even shilling out $10 for dinner is hard, maybe it's better for them to stay home with microwave pizza. Hey paper, if you where I can take a date in the city and feed her dinner for $10 (without her getting pissed off), please tell me. I could the info cause I am pretty good at dating on a budget but have yet to pull off dinner for $10.
denise_xo Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Personally, I believe in splitting the bill in half, which is the fairest and most progressive way to date in the 21st century. I agree with this. Going dutch is the norm where I live. I always pay, and likewise always demand anal sex on my dates. Quid pro quo and equity are important concepts, I think.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Hey paper, if you where I can take a date in the city and feed her dinner for $10 (without her getting pissed off), please tell me. I could the info cause I am pretty good at dating on a budget but have yet to pull off dinner for $10. If there's a will, there's a way:p $10 isn't a set price; I was merely using it as an example that being so monetary stingy over dinner isn't a good way to win anyone over. If you want quality but still affordable dinner dates try groupon.com. They sell restaurant coupons at half the price you normally pay for a dinner set.
Rose T Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 On a first date, I'd expect a man to pay. I'd offer to go halves, or alternate paying drinks and / or dinner, but I would see it as a promising sign that he really likes me if he insists on taking care of the bill by himself. On successive dates, I would tend to offer to pay alternately. I generally dislike splitting bills, I even try and avoid it with female friends usually by paying alternate rounds, or offering a lunch knowing that a friend will probably offer another time. It's quicker and feels less focused on the bill than scrutinising the check together or counting out half onto the table. But that's just me.
Eve Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Never paid for anything on dates, ever. Even now, although we have a joint account Hubby does the paying. I dunno, he just does.. I am probably older than the posters here though. I would see the man as cheap if he wanted me to pay. Anyway a first date would be having tea somewhere and it is just polite for the man to pay. I would not expect to be asked to pay for dinner at all. Maybe it is different now because dates are not reserved for people who you really, really like? Take care, Eve x
Sanman Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) If there's a will, there's a way:p $10 isn't a set price; I was merely using it as an example that being so monetary stingy over dinner isn't a good way to win anyone over. If you want quality but still affordable dinner dates try groupon.com. They sell restaurant coupons at half the price you normally pay for a dinner set. So, you're telling me treating a girl to street cart chicken & rice isn't the way to go. Actually, I have a good number of budget dates in my back pocket. I've heard museums are a great and cost effective way to meet new people and get to know them. Edited April 22, 2011 by Sanman
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 So, you're telling me treating a girl to street cart chicken & rice isn't the way to go. Actually, I have a good number of budget dates in my back pocket. I've heard museums are a great and cost effective way to meet new people and get to know them. Success is always determined by future dates. Musuems are great for meeting people, but I find restaurant and lounges great places to date people. To each his or her own.
ASG Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It really depends on the relationship and the financial status of the parties. I've been in relationships where the man is dirt poor and I've paid most often. My current relationship, the man is far better off than I am so he pays most often. I never split the bill. If the financial status is equal, we often trade off. I paid this time, you pay next time. First dates are a whole other story. This. My last relationship, he paid for the 1st couple of dates, then on the 3rd (show and dinner) we split costs. He was better off than I was, so he paid most of the time. But I would buy drinks or dinner or even movie tickets on occasion. I don't think we ever actually split a bill. Just alternated paying. I do expect men to pay on the first date. After that though, not so much. It's nice to be treated well, but there is no need to bankrupt the guy!
9Lives Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I expect the man to pay for the first couple of dates. I will give him a break by cooking for him or buying our drinks. Im not trying to drain his funds. If a guy ask me out and then expects me to split the tab, Im not going to be very happy about that at all. As the relationship evolves, then we can switch things up. If he has alot more money than me, he most likely wont mind paying as long as Im doing other stuff.
Arikel Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Unless I really dont thinks gonna work out, for most of my first dates (online dating) it was usually just coffee/ lunch, so I don't feel too bad about letting the guy pay. If its a total failure of a date I either split the cost or even try to take the bill (never managed that though). On the 2nd/third date I offer to split the bill, otherwise alternate paying if possible. That being said, I try to be fair, but it's really sweet when someone you like takes care of you but if he always pays I do try to cook small things for him, or buy him a little thoughtful gift, or do small things I can
Arikel Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I agree with previous posters, the one who initiates the first date should pay though. If a guy asked me out and let's me split the bill on the first coffee/lunch date... It just doesn't leave a great impression. He probably feels the same way I do about splitting the first date bill... He's just not that into me lol
J200 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I am a woman and I like splitting the bill in HALF to the penny; even it is the man of my dreams! I hate this myth that women will only pay if they don't like the guy. I LOVE to pay even MORE when I am infatuated with a guy. I make good $; I don't need a penny from anyone. Not even a $1 drink or a $3 burger from In N Out (I don't remember the exact price but it's not exactly $3 but somewhere around there for a cheeseburger). I am so independent I moved out at 18 and never accepted a PENNY from my parents. I despise kids who have their parents pay for their college education or even help them buy a house...WTF. I was alone at 18 and super independent. Money is power. Feminism is having EQUAL FINANCIAL power. I would feel like a loser and want to commit suicide if some guy paid for me all the time; how embarrassing and humiliating to consider myself the "fairer sex". I am not one of those women who earn less than men and need a handout. In many cases I outearn men. I outearned my ex by many, many times. I don't need charity; I don't expect a free meal (even if it's a $3 cheeseburger) just because I have a vagina and wear heels... WTF I look DOWN on women who expect men to pay. I am also EXTREMELY modern and NON TRADITIONAL.
Jazzari Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I am a woman and I like splitting the bill in HALF to the penny; even it is the man of my dreams! I hate this myth that women will only pay if they don't like the guy. I LOVE to pay even MORE when I am infatuated with a guy. I make good $; I don't need a penny from anyone. Not even a $1 drink or a $3 burger from In N Out (I don't remember the exact price but it's not exactly $3 but somewhere around there for a cheeseburger). I am so independent I moved out at 18 and never accepted a PENNY from my parents. I despise kids who have their parents pay for their college education or even help them buy a house...WTF. I was alone at 18 and super independent. Money is power. Feminism is having EQUAL FINANCIAL power. I would feel like a loser and want to commit suicide if some guy paid for me all the time; how embarrassing and humiliating to consider myself the "fairer sex". I am not one of those women who earn less than men and need a handout. In many cases I outearn men. I outearned my ex by many, many times. I don't need charity; I don't expect a free meal (even if it's a $3 cheeseburger) just because I have a vagina and wear heels... WTF I look DOWN on women who expect men to pay. I am also EXTREMELY modern and NON TRADITIONAL.Your missing one important point. Letting (not expecting) the man pay is just polite. Like letting him open doors. Sure, you can open the door yourself. But good manners says he should do it for you. It's just a way for him to show respect and class. Offering to pay is fine. Insisting upon it is a slap in the face.
J200 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Your missing one important point. Letting (not expecting) the man pay is just polite. Like letting him open doors. Sure, you can open the door yourself. But good manners says he should do it for you. It's just a way for him to show respect and class. Offering to pay is fine. Insisting upon it is a slap in the face. It is OLD FASHIONED; I am not an old fashioned person and do not go by those old fashioned standards. I am PERFECTLY capable of opening my own doors. Why is not classy if a woman offers to pay for a man? Why is that not class? Why does it have to be the man paying for the woman? Wouldn't it show class if the guy accepted me paying? Why can't the guy be gracious and accept me paying? Why do I have to be the gracious one? I think the GUY should be gracious and let ME pay. How about that? I am sick of this crap about women always having to be gracious all the time; makes my blood boil. Let the guy be gracious for ones and ALLOW ME TO PAY.
Arikel Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Personally I feel it's odd to insist of splitting the bill down the center with a loved one.. Maybe it's independent to do so, and I do respect independent people, but it begs the question- if you can't accept a give and take for the bill.. How would you accept a give and take in a relationship? After all, no ones exactly equal all the time.. Sometimes we need more (emotionally, financially, whatever) sometimes our partner needs more... If we can't give or take .. Whats the point?
J200 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Personally I feel it's odd to insist of splitting the bill down the center with a loved one.. Maybe it's independent to do so, and I do respect independent people, but it begs the question- if you can't accept a give and take for the bill.. How would you accept a give and take in a relationship? After all, no ones exactly equal all the time.. Sometimes we need more (emotionally, financially, whatever) sometimes our partner needs more... If we can't give or take .. Whats the point? Then the male and female should take turns even if the bills are slightly different each times. I just hate how many people have the thought that the guy should pay for the first date or pay most of the time. I am vehemently, super strongly against it. It goes against everything I believe in.
Arikel Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Hey if the female asks the male out, then she should theoretically pay right? Same principle different people have different opinions though. The male might still insist of paying, and anyway, even with close friends it's a fight for the bill, you don't get pissed if they grab it, you just be faster the next time
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