Butterfly16 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Ok...been seeing someone on and off for nearly 6 months. The past two times we've been together it seems like he has changed and appears more attentive and affectionate. At the beginning (first 2 months) I fell head over heels but he wasn't ready for any type of commitment. I backed off and gave him space for about 2 months. Recently, I have noticed the change...we've seen each other twice in less than 2 weeks and he has initiated contact both times. Well, this last time we were together...there has been a closeness that wasn't there before. Noticeable/positive changes in our sex life. But other things too. For instance, little thing like us both peeing with the bathroom door open...I know sounds silly. And this last time....the really big deal for me was when instead of us taking separate showers in the morning...he left the bathroom door open and invited me in to share a shower with him. Now, I'm just wondering...isn't that the beginning of a next phase in our relationship? I didn't question it of course to him because I didn't want to make a big deal by bringing it to his attention. I want to stay cool and see where this is going. I am of course nuts about him...have been since we met. I use to leave my toothbrush at his place when we first were dating. But now I don't because I don't want to appear too presumptuous. He's in the process of finalizing the divorce papers...they were married 28 yrs. But they have been separated for 3 yrs now and the divorce has been in process for about a year and a half. I am aware he has been dating/meeting women...but they all seem pretty far away. I'm fairly close and it is always assumed that I spend the night whenever we go out. I know he wants to settle down and have a relationship because he doesn't like being alone. He also wants to get out of his apt. once the divorce is settled and buy a house and a vehicle. Which is conceivable since he earns a very good salary. So, my question is....does it appear he has finally decided to take our relationship further...without him coming out and saying it? IDK about anyone else here...but sharing a shower after 6 months of knowing each other appears to me to be a little bit serious.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Sorry, but if he's still seeing other women then you guys are not officially bf/gf. The only way you can categorize your " relationship" is FWB. You guys are sexually involved yet there is no commitment. Is this what you want?
Illiandra Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 never assume. it seems like this just is a casual relationship. and seeing each other 2 x in less then 2 weeks is not really serious its just casual. now that his divorce is being finalized he may feel more freedom then ever. just saying. if you want to know where you stand, you should just ask him straight foward, before you invest more time and may get hurt.
9Lives Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I strongly suggest you find out where his head is. It is very common for one person to think it is something and the other person not to feel the same way. It is better to ask in a way that is not confrontational and be prepared for the answer just in case it is not what you wanted to hear. good luck
Author Butterfly16 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 never assume. it seems like this just is a casual relationship. and seeing each other 2 x in less then 2 weeks is not really serious its just casual. now that his divorce is being finalized he may feel more freedom then ever. just saying. if you want to know where you stand, you should just ask him straight foward, before you invest more time and may get hurt. Well, it may appear casual...but on the other hand....since we have been seeing each other since Oct. and taking things pretty slow...the fact that he seems more comfortable with me after all this time to leave the door open and share a shower together.... But you're right...I think I will ask him (carefully) what's going on with him and us. I don't want to scare him by being too clingy or pushy. Thanks!
Author Butterfly16 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I strongly suggest you find out where his head is. It is very common for one person to think it is something and the other person not to feel the same way. It is better to ask in a way that is not confrontational and be prepared for the answer just in case it is not what you wanted to hear. good luck Thanks....I'm still trying to find the words to do it though...lol
Author Butterfly16 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Sorry, but if he's still seeing other women then you guys are not officially bf/gf. The only way you can categorize your " relationship" is FWB. You guys are sexually involved yet there is no commitment. Is this what you want? Actually, we go out on dates in his town/neighborhood and have slowly shared more with each time we are together. It was never discussed that we be FWB. He knows I have feelings for him since back in the Fall. But he made it clear he wasn't ready for anything back then. Since then, I've seen where he has stated that he hates being alone and his next phase of a relationship appears to be exactly what we've been doing for months. I have yet to ask if he is even really seeing other women....I am just assuming he does with all the FB friends he has. lol
NoMagicBullet Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Actually, we go out on dates in his town/neighborhood and have slowly shared more with each time we are together. It was never discussed that we be FWB. He knows I have feelings for him since back in the Fall. But he made it clear he wasn't ready for anything back then. Since then, I've seen where he has stated that he hates being alone and his next phase of a relationship appears to be exactly what we've been doing for months. I have yet to ask if he is even really seeing other women....I am just assuming he does with all the FB friends he has. lol I doubt that many FWB relationships are discussed as FWB in the beginning. He may have stated that he hates being alone, but that may not mean he wants something serious with you. From what you've told us, the only things for certain are that he knows you have feelings for him and that he isn't ready for a relationship. (Sounds like a FWB situation to me.) If nothing more has been said, then don't assume anything has changed. You need to sit down and talk about whether you two are exclusive (or will be) and what you both expect and hope for with each other in the future. Talking about it is the only way to know for sure.
Author Butterfly16 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 You need to sit down and talk about whether you two are exclusive (or will be) and what you both expect and hope for with each other in the future. Talking about it is the only way to know for sure. Ok...well, don't laugh...but I'm actually pretty new to dating. Although I've been married before I never really did the dating thing. Things just happened and then poofed! I was married. Anyway...so I'm here on this site asking advise at my age. My guy and I are 50 y/o. I have NO clue as to even begin the exclusive talk, let alone "or will be". How do I ask if we will be at some point? Isn't that putting him on the spot? Back when we first were dating, I did come right out and ask if he was seeing anyone else...he replied "no". I also asked if playing me (yes, I am that naive to ask)...he again replied "no". Since then we stopped seeing each other and then began recently. And like I said, things seem to have changed the way he and I relate. So, How do I ask a second time if we are exclusive? AND how do you ask someone "will we ever be?" Sounds a little clingy and I certainly don't want that to scare him away again.
9Lives Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 okay, Im gonna tell you want I think is going on. he is sleeping with you but leaving himself open to meet other women just in case he meets someone else he really likes. If he does, he will start spending more time with her and less time with you. You will be upset cause you was thinking he wanted to be your man "eventually" when all along you was the "right now" chic I hope I am wrong about this but you have openly decided to be in the mix so you are gambling and I hope it works out for you.
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