Do you believe in what goes a round comes a round?

[Mister_Lonely]

My true love of 2 years ended our relationship 2 months ago. Towards the end I found out she cheated on me, I forgave & tried to work it out but failed, we decided to remain friends but was too difficult as she was friends with the guy she cheated on me with. I have my suspicions even when she was found out she was still seeing him. Even after all this I tried to win her back, she is now with this new guy. Feels like she has just replaced me, she has even took him London to meet her parents & they have a trip planned.

 

One of the reasons for our break up was that she developed a bad cocaine problem due to the stress of everything. I found out they have been doing it together, she knew I hated it. She has hurt me so much so do you think this relationship will last or believe in what goes around comes around? Do you think her drug habit will lead to her downfall? I hope it does.

[DollyGirl12]

Wow, that's pretty sad. Unfortunately drug habits lead to many peoples downfalls.

Hopefully someone in her family will see that she has a problem and step in. Unfortunately I don't think you would get very far if you tried to do that.

 

What goes around comes around??? Well, exactly how happy can she really be if she has to find her excitement and happiness with drugs. We all have stress, but we don't all start using drugs because of stress.

The relationship will probably last as long as the drug habit lasts.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

[Mister_Lonely]

Thank you DollyGirl. It is hard & I have seen her crumble. She has lost weight, doesn't sleep but then has days she couldn't get up, she has rang in work sick many times, constantly lies & has no money when she has a well paid job. It doesn't help knowing her new bf does it also which is of course making it worse. She threw me away for drugs & this ugly guy, I wasn't the nicest person to her always but I love her so much. Now she has just wiped me from her memory, has someone new & on a downward spiral. If she was happy she wouldn't need to do it everyday for example she is going home this weekend to visit family & she is taking over £100 worth of cocaine, if she loses her job over this she will have lost everything. I shouldn't even care after what she did to me but I still care although I think it will take something bad for her to see sense.

[Kelemort]

 

One of the reasons for our break up was that she developed a bad cocaine problem due to the stress of everything. I found out they have been doing it together, she knew I hated it. She has hurt me so much so do you think this relationship will last or believe in what goes around comes around? Do you think her drug habit will lead to her downfall? I hope it does.[/QUOTE]

 

 

Well, it's obvious that this hurt was recent and very painful, judging by your choice of words. I understand how it feels to be ripped apart like that (although in my case, I ended our bad relationship) - but in time the hatred and anger you feel will fade into ambivalence when you realize she's not worth it.

 

My ex-boyfriend was manipulative, selfish, childish, vindictive, jealous, insecure, controlling and a big liar. He expected me to do everything for him - buying him dinner all of the time, taking him everywhere he wanted to go, etc, taking him to school and work, etc. I had to beg him to help me out with gas for the car - and he was working more than I was! I remember I had driven him something like 25-30 miles during one week (I only charged him for the distance that I went OUT of my way - he lived 3 miles in the opposite direction). This was when gas was more than $4 a gallon here, and I didn't have much in the way of mileage. I remember that he owed me something like $10 or $15 for the week. He handed me a couple of bucks and walked away when I persisted.

 

He had no respect for me - and your girlfriend had no respect for you. I've learned about what my ex has been up to for the last 3 years. He's on his fourth girlfriend (I was numero uno), and they all get progressively younger and younger. He's 23 going on 24 and I think his girlfriend's barely 18. He's shopping at his maturity level and he'll be shopping at his maturity level for the rest of his life.

 

I see a future in which he'll forevermore be taking one college class at a time, living in his mom's basement, doing nothing and going no where with his life, but always with a younger and younger girl. The ones who are too young and naive to know what scum he is.

 

Does what goes around come around? Your ex's behavior can't last forever. The coke habit's going to destroy her. And if she continues to screw people around like she has been doing, she's just going to find herself old, miserable and alone someday. In a small pool or town especially, word about that kind of treatment gets around.

[Mister_Lonely]

Wise words. It appears all of this just came out of nowhere. I thought we were rock solid then all of a sudden there was another person & then a big increase in this drug problem. She owes me £90, which I stupidly borrowed her after we broke up, I have been asking for the money for the past 6 weeks but continues to make feeble excuses & the reason is the drugs. She has worked to hard to mess up her job, I saw her determination but she continues to ring in sick. Despite being bitter she cheated I want her to get back on track, she used to be such an amazing, interesting, beautiful woman but now I don't even know her. She chucked a good guy away, my friends & family loved her, we had plans & a future but she chucked it all away. I could deal with this better if I knew she was with a nice guy & not the guy she was cheating on me with.

[Kelemort]

Lonely, chuck up the money you gave her as lost. You're never going to see it again and I doubt hiring a lawyer and taking her to court would be worthwhile or even possible, especially if the only evidence you have is hearsay. Contacting her about the money is only going to continue to draw you into this plight.

 

You can have all of the hopes and wishes for her that you want, but apparently your love was not enough the first time around to keep her straight. Just let her go and sink or swim on her own. She has nothing to do with you anymore. The more you draw yourself into this plight, the more you will be hurt and no good will come of it.

 

You're divorced of her from the moment your relationship ended. Take advantage of it and leave, although that may seem very difficult to it now.

[Kinder-Horror]

Though this is not what you are going to want to hear - hoping that someone has a downfall is only bringing you down.

 

I believe what goes around comes around - but only to an extent. I believe that what goes around comes around because I believe what you put into the universe you will get back... someone who works hard toward their goals, who surrounds themselves with good people, will probably be more successful (in their own definition of success) than a person who surrounds themselves with negative and unreliable people, who puts toxins in their to get through a day and who treats people poorly.

 

Yes, having family members involved in drugs - I think it will be her downfall. But I think you should focus on yourself and being happy and not waste time comparing your happiness to hers now.

[threebyfate]

Are you kidding? Talk about lucky to get out of this relationship!!!

 

Cocaine is a soul-sucking vampire. Seen it in action with too many men who've "made it" in life with too much money in their pockets where prior, they didn't have it. They went from intelligent, capable and successful, down to the level of white collar crime just to feed the vampire.

 

You need to break your addiction of her by seeing her as she really is. A very weak woman, one who needed external validation by cheating and then, hooked herself on cocaine.

 

Put your head down and keep on walking. If you can't do it on your own, consider therapy and not because you're crazy but because there's no shame with seeking help with something you're not experienced with. Would anyone try to build a home without some help?

[Mister_Lonely]

I don't think I need professional help just yet. I have good days & bad. I try to keep busy & have supportive friends & family. Perhaps I am just jealous & craving the good times. I need to take her off a pedestal as I know I am better off without. Feel humiliated at how she has moved on so quickly & with no consideration as to how she has hurt me. I still love her but could never get back with her even if she changed her mind. She jumps from one relationship to another so I am just a number or another ex to her.

 

I dont want a new gf at the min but am dreading the whole tedious dating thing. She has moved on so I have to despite feeling like I have been left behind miserable whilst she is sleeping with someone else & having fun.

[threebyfate]

Shift your perspective:

 

I am jealous of someone spending time with a cheating, slave to cocaine.

 

Say this a few times. Does it make any sense?

[Mister_Lonely]

That perspective makes a lot of sense. I will focus on that & the bad times. I regret some of the things I said & did as she said I drove her to cheat on me. Life goes on & even though she has moved on so I will do the same although she has a lot sooner. She isn't making the right decisions but that's not my problem. If she & her new bf want to waste money on drugs then that's up to them. She has always had issues, bad childhood etc & the drugs will only mask her pain for a time. I want her to be happy but this is the wrong route she is taking & I think it will take something bad to happen to make her realise. She is losing people around her & attracting the wrong sort of people.

[Woggle]

My ex who did everything bad a person can do to another person outside of murder is now serving hard time so I guess things do turn around.

[In Like Flynn]

Make a call to her work and tell them about the cocaine use but don't give your name. It will get to the right people and eventually they will piece it together....maybe a piss test etc.

[threebyfate]

That perspective makes a lot of sense. I will focus on that & the bad times. I regret some of the things I said & did as she said I drove her to cheat on me. Life goes on & even though she has moved on so I will do the same although she has a lot sooner. She isn't making the right decisions but that's not my problem. If she & her new bf want to waste money on drugs then that's up to them. She has always had issues, bad childhood etc & the drugs will only mask her pain for a time. I want her to be happy but this is the wrong route she is taking & I think it will take something bad to happen to make her realise. She is losing people around her & attracting the wrong sort of people.

Do so. Also, don't forget that she's also a liar using deceit to cheat on you.

 

As far as her blaming her cheating on you, that's very typical of cheaters to defer blame. While you might not have been a perfect partner, her lying and cheating are her responsibility. Had she had a decent bone in her body, she would have broken up with you, instead of cheating.

 

So now, you're rid of a liar, cheater and cocaine addict. Umm...what's to be sad about? Be glad you're free of this type of person!!

 

And yes, what goes around comes around. Seen it in action enough to know that life does have a few extra pleasures!

[Star Gazer]

What goes around definitely comes around, especially to those who derive pleasure from the misfortunes of others.

[seibert253]

You should get down on your knees and thank God that he revealed her true character now, and not after you've married her and had kids.

[Mister_Lonely]

Denitely, I mean towards last year we moved into a flat together but due to a bad landlord & many problems with the flat I moved back home & her into a shared house. That flat lead to our break up & when the cheating started. I am convinced she used to invite him round although she denies this although he said he had. We discussed marriage & children but as you said, better it happened now than further down the line.

[imagine]

The boyfriend is the drug. She is dating a provider.

 

Read up on the consequences of cocaine. I would have no regret reporting her and the dealer to the local bobbies.

[Mister_Lonely]

Well she was doin drugs recreationally before her new bf but seems he is into it also is the problem. She told me she even did coke on her own in her room, where's the logic in that. It crossed my mind to notify her work but she had worked too hard to get where she is, I went through it with her. She is a professional though dealing with children so of course it's wrong. I need to forget her but can't, as a result I feel like I am drinking too much to numb the pain but I know it makes it worse with drunken texts & feeling very low the day after.

[Bryanp]

She is a coke head and she works with children? What is wrong with this picture?