Johnny85 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I only read up to this point. And theres were it all went wrong. Women don't initiates conversations with guys, they never make the first move. And here's why. - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. I am a pretty shy, laid back guy and both of my exes asked me out.
NoMagicBullet Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) Still though, there's no reason you can't be friendly with the guy. If you start shunning him and you don't explain why then you're just being immature. Oh, I'm still friendly with him when I talk to him. But I don't go out of my way to make conversation. I suppose the worst thing I've done is ignore him and his flirting, but he was flirting kind of heavily with me for a while, and it seemed like one of my better options. He's a decent guy, so I treat him decently when I do talk to him, but I keep my distance. As for explaining why I backed off, why do I need to do that? He flirted with me, but it's not like he ever asked me out on a date. We're only acquaintances and don't even know each other that well. He might be confused about my behavior, but I have no reason to believe it keeps him up at night. Who am I to him that he'd be upset enough to want an answer? (From the little I do know, I suspect he's not hurtinng for female companionship.) And honestly - I'm really attracted to him. It's not easy to manage my own feelings about him and "just be friends". Just for myself, I need to keep that distance. So I don't completely understand why she's being cold or angry toward you, either. And weird that it was in front of a supervisor. Sounds like immaturity/inexperience. Do you think you'll get a chance to talk with her and ask what's up with her? Never underestimate a woman's pride. I think it's worse than a guy's to be honest. I agree. I feel so f*cking bad for that. It's now 13 years later, but I sometimes still think about that and having f*cked up so bad in that moment. I should have handled that better, with tact. I actually want to apologize to her and explain to her what happened from my point of view, even after 13 years. At 16, very few people would have handled that situation well. That probably doesn't make you feel better about it, but just sayin'. Edited April 23, 2011 by NoMagicBullet More info
zengirl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I think all the theories here are valid, but I'm going to suggest another one (Not because I so much think it's true in this situation --- I've no idea --- but because I want the possibility included in the list). I've sometimes 'accidentally' flirted with a man. I was just being friendly and not AT ALL trying to show interest in a romantic fashion. And then the guy started flirting with me, and the best option was too 'cool off' (confronting it helps no one, unless he expresses direct interest, because it's like presumptive rejection of an idea that hasn't been fully stated; however, flirting back is not a good idea either) my interaction from that point forward. I always feel bad about it, but being a friendly, attractive gal . . . it sometimes happens. Now, I don't know how the interaction really went or how good your radar is, but some guys definitely think that if you smile at them and are nice to them, you'd date them. And that's the problem. The whole reason behind the communication difficulty. Men are very simple, just speak to us in plain English or we don't have a clue what is going on I disagree with this premise set up in this thread. There have been MANY times that I didn't know a guy was asking me out right away. a la NexusOne's story, I have a similar story about a guy in HS. In retrospect, it makes perfect sense (For one, he hung around my locker EVERY MORNING), but I had no idea at all until my HS Sweetheart told me --- this was at least a year after the guy started trying to ask me out, as I wasn't dating my HS boyfriend when the guy started hanging around me. And I have many similar ones since. Not all men are direct, and plenty of women can be direct. Also, I wouldn't say one way of communicating is "plain English" because even when men are direct, they sometimes are so direct that what they're saying gets taken the wrong way as well. This happens to women too, come to think of it, if they're direct. Personally, I think I'm an extremely direct person (and have been told so by both men and women). I don't think that means I communicate "better" in every instance. I think suggesting communication styles that are not your own are "wrong" is pretty silly. Not compatible, sure.
Author mo mo Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I think all the theories here are valid, but I'm going to suggest another one (Not because I so much think it's true in this situation --- I've no idea --- but because I want the possibility included in the list). I've sometimes 'accidentally' flirted with a man. I was just being friendly and not AT ALL trying to show interest in a romantic fashion. And then the guy started flirting with me, and the best option was too 'cool off' (confronting it helps no one, unless he expresses direct interest, because it's like presumptive rejection of an idea that hasn't been fully stated; however, flirting back is not a good idea either) my interaction from that point forward. I always feel bad about it, but being a friendly, attractive gal . . . it sometimes happens. Now, I don't know how the interaction really went or how good your radar is, but some guys definitely think that if you smile at them and are nice to them, you'd date them. Well, I am pretty sure I don't rely on my radar enough. I don't jump on opportunities when I could (and should). I wasn't flirting in the situation I described, so there is no reason to believe she thought she gave me the wrong impression.
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