mo mo Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Let's say there's a guy you like (at work, school, where ever) and you take it upon yourself to start talking to him one day. He seems responsive and friendly to you, but you kinda make it obvious you have a thing for him: either by being really shy and screwing some words up or by immediately inviting yourself to do things with him (or both). Now let's say the guy seemed really cool and all that but he doesn't start hitting on you right away. A day or two later he sees you and says hello, asks what is going on, etc. The reaction I usually get is very cold and serious. I've even gotten some angry reactions, which is strange because the girl was SUPER friendly just a few days ago. What is up with that?
Hules Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I only read up to this point. And theres were it all went wrong. Women don't initiates conversations with guys, they never make the first move. And here's why. - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. Wow, this is eye opening thanks Wayne! I guess my hunch that all those girls who start conversations with me and god forbid the ones that have asked me out were aliens! Good to know I was very confused about this.
daphne Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I think WB has tourette's. I think your girl may have either had something else on her mind, or may have felt stupid and like you're just being friendly. Try again and if the reaction is the same, it's probably #2. Girls aren't used to initiating and if she went out of her comfort zone to do it, she's probably feeling really awkward and embarrassed if you didn't show reciprocal interest.
Hules Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 No, they were just playing with you. And then if you'd say yes they'd just walk away and laugh. You have no clue. Seriously this made me laugh. You should be a comedian!
refurb Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 He seems responsive and friendly to you, but you kinda make it obvious you have a thing for him: either by being really shy and screwing some words up or by immediately inviting yourself to do things with him (or both). Here is your problem. You think you made it obvious you're interested in him, but who really knows what he's thinking? Then next time you meet you think "he should be really nice to me!", when he's in fact thinking "Who is this girl again?" RF
Nexus One Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) I can only think of two explanations, but there might be more possible explanations of course: 1. When they came up to you and you just remained friendly, they felt rejected. So the next time you saw them and spoke to them and you approached them, they pulled out the "I'm pissed off at you for not reciprocating card". They reacted out of a hurt ego. (which can be and often is a game) 2. You misinterpreted them being romantically interested in you, but I doubt that, because you seem like one of the more savvy forum members when it comes to women. Edited April 22, 2011 by Nexus One
Shaun-Dro Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I only read up to this point. And theres were it all went wrong. Women don't initiates conversations with guys, they never make the first move. And here's why. - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. I agree whole-heartedly with this statement. Women are worthless teases today; only want male attention for looking good but then again dont want his attention. Games, games, and more games .
Darren Taylor Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Let's say there's a guy you like (at work, school, where ever) and you take it upon yourself to start talking to him one day. He seems responsive and friendly to you, but you kinda make it obvious you have a thing for him: either by being really shy and screwing some words up or by immediately inviting yourself to do things with him (or both). Now let's say the guy seemed really cool and all that but he doesn't start hitting on you right away. A day or two later he sees you and says hello, asks what is going on, etc. The reaction I usually get is very cold and serious. I've even gotten some angry reactions, which is strange because the girl was SUPER friendly just a few days ago. What is up with that? Sounds like a hurt ego. Her sudden change in attitude is unacceptable. I say you dodged a bullet. I only read up to this point. And theres were it all went wrong. Women don't initiates conversations with guys, they never make the first move. And here's why. - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. Not going to lie, you are amusing.
Kelemort Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I only read up to this point. And theres were it all went wrong. Women don't initiates conversations with guys, they never make the first move. And here's why. - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. ...Been burned by submissive women much? I'd suspect women in general are probably more passive, but not all of them. Plenty of women initiate conversations, ask guys out, even propose. I put the romantic moves first on my current boyfriend and I was also the one who asked him out. It happens.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I don't know if you are trying to bait me into saying something misogynistic so you can throw the "see i knew you hate women" bull**** at me. I don't think women are worthless teases... All I'm saying is, women are passive and they never make the first move. Other than that, I like women, I interact with them everyday and I am good friends with several women. Alot of people mistake me for being a misogynist Yeah right! Theres literally tons of guys who play women around so they can use them for sex, theres of guys who hit women, abuse women, rape women... yet I'm a supposed misogynist for what? Telling the truth? It upsets some politically correct people but are you honestly gonna start disputing facts with me? I have no idea why you asked me this. I've never shown any signs of a man in conflict with your perspective on women. I also don't bait people. I said it from the get...I'm straightforward in what I say and do, period. If I had a problem with your opinion, I'd tell you, not pull the mock card. Now, let's move on .
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Let's say there's a guy you like (at work, school, where ever) and you take it upon yourself to start talking to him one day. He seems responsive and friendly to you, but you kinda make it obvious you have a thing for him: either by being really shy and screwing some words up or by immediately inviting yourself to do things with him (or both). Now let's say the guy seemed really cool and all that but he doesn't start hitting on you right away. A day or two later he sees you and says hello, asks what is going on, etc. The reaction I usually get is very cold and serious. I've even gotten some angry reactions, which is strange because the girl was SUPER friendly just a few days ago. What is up with that? Because women are used to speaking in subtleties and if you didn't hint that you reciprocated their feelings, then they want to take what they did back, so they act as cold as they acted friendly to try to cover up for it.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Because women are used to speaking in subtleties and if you didn't hint that you reciprocated their feelings, then they want to take what they did back, so they act as cold as they acted friendly to try to cover up for it. That's really pathetic. Dropping hints and clues is another way of playing a game with a guy, instead of just coming out straight, or at least inviting the object of your desire to a movie or someplace private to show him how you feel. I dont know if it's because people are just so afraid of rejection or what? I never found it hard to ask a girl to a movie, lounge, or wherever as a way of initiating interest. If she declines or makes excuses then I know. Same thing applies with you scaredy-cat women.
NoMagicBullet Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I agree with the hurt ego theory, but are you sure there isn't any misinformation going on? Is there the possibility that someone at work, school, whatever said something to her about you that would make her see you differently? I'll give my self as an example here, because about a month ago, I put myself out of my comfort zone and flirted with a guy I know in a social group. He flirted back, but a few days later, I found out he was already dating someone else. I wouldn't have flirted with him if I had known. I'm not sorry I did; I feel good about putting myself out there and taking a chance. However, I cooled off toward him. Not that I wanted to, but I don't chase after guys when another woman is already in the picture. I wasn't rude, but I didn't really acknowledge his flirting, and I didn't go out of my way to talk to him. So he cooled off, too. Reason I mention this, is that like your situation, he probably doesn't know why I backed off. I don't know how serious he and this other woman are/were. I just didn't want to go there. And I'm not hanging around like a vulture in case he ends up available. I like him, but I'm not like one goal. So that's why I ask if something might have been said to her about you that she sees you differently now. But there is probably still hurt ego involved.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 That's really pathetic. Dropping hints and clues is another way of playing a game with a guy, instead of just coming out straight, or at least inviting the object of your desire to a movie or someplace private to show him how you feel. I dont know if it's because people are just so afraid of rejection or what? I never found it hard to ask a girl to a movie, lounge, or wherever as a way of initiating interest. If she declines or makes excuses then I know. Same thing applies with you scaredy-cat women. Yea, you have no experience with women like someone else said in another thread. =/ Women and men communicate in different ways. In women speak, hinting at someone is as strong as outright saying it out loud. We often talk to each other that way. It doesn't make it wrong. What makes something wrong and a game is if someone has malicious or selfish intentions. But to say that the way women communicates is wrong is to say something like that speaking french is wrong because its not English and you don't understand it and therefore its bad and the french obviously only speak french not to include you in their conversations and just to hurt you. No. Different people communicate in different ways even if its hard for you to understand them and you just need to learn to meet people at their level. If you want to speak to french people, learn french. If you want to speak to women, learn how they communicate as well. Women communicate this way because we are taught that doing otherwise makes us too aggressive and undesirable. That being said, if you haven't noticed, I'm the type of girl who speaks really plainly and I especially do it when I talk to men to try to meet them at their level and not have as many misunderstandings. Because I've learned to communicate with them. You could benefit yourself a lot if you'd just take a little time to learn how to communicate with a girl.
somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 But to say that the way women communicates is wrong is to say something like that speaking french is wrong because its not English and you don't understand it and therefore its bad and the french obviously only speak french not to include you in their conversations and just to hurt you. No, it's wrong when somebody speaks to you in French, knowing that you don't speak French, then gets upset at you for not understanding what they are saying to you.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 No, it's wrong when somebody speaks to you in French, knowing that you don't speak French, then gets upset at you for not understanding what they are saying to you. Girls that talk to men this way don't know that men don't understand their hints.
somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Girls that talk to men this way don't know that men don't understand their hints. And that's the problem. The whole reason behind the communication difficulty. Men are very simple, just speak to us in plain English or we don't have a clue what is going on
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 And that's the problem. The whole reason behind the communication difficulty. Men are very simple, just speak to us in plain English or we don't have a clue what is going on I agree that men are that way, but I can't convince all women in the world that it's true, but I will tell as many women and men as I can how the other gender communicates to try to help them understand each other better.
maysj18 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I only read up to this point. And theres were it all went wrong. Women don't initiates conversations with guys, they never make the first move. And here's why. - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. That is not true. I mean, maybe it is to an extent with some women. I love to initiate conversation if I'm interested in someone. If I meet someone that I think is attractive, I always go after them. So yeah, not all women are "passive". Just saying.
Author mo mo Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 I can only think of two explanations, but there might be more possible explanations of course: 1. When they came up to you and you just remained friendly, they felt rejected. So the next time you saw them and spoke to them and you approached them, they pulled out the "I'm pissed off at you for not reciprocating card". They reacted out of a hurt ego. (which can be and often is a game) 2. You misinterpreted them being romantically interested in you, but I doubt that, because you seem like one of the more savvy forum members when it comes to women. Thanks for the compliment. I really doubt its #2. Basically because if they were just being friendly, then I don't see why there is a problem being friendly with me in future encounters if I am being friendly too. Usually when this kind of thing happens I am kinda caught off guard and don't know if the girl wants me or if she is just being friendly. So I just respond to them in a nice, respectful way, maybe joke around a bit, and leave it at that. The last time this happened to me the chick was actually right next to her supervisor at work, so I wasn't about to put my game on her and make ourselves look foolish. I was hoping to catch her in some other place where it would be more appropriate to talk. When I finally did she was all cold. sigh
Author mo mo Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Because women are used to speaking in subtleties and if you didn't hint that you reciprocated their feelings, then they want to take what they did back, so they act as cold as they acted friendly to try to cover up for it. That is so weird. Basically because I do reciprocate by being friendly, making them laugh, etc. Sometimes the time isn't right to put my game on though.
Author mo mo Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 I agree with the hurt ego theory, but are you sure there isn't any misinformation going on? Is there the possibility that someone at work, school, whatever said something to her about you that would make her see you differently? I'll give my self as an example here, because about a month ago, I put myself out of my comfort zone and flirted with a guy I know in a social group. He flirted back, but a few days later, I found out he was already dating someone else. I wouldn't have flirted with him if I had known. I'm not sorry I did; I feel good about putting myself out there and taking a chance. However, I cooled off toward him. Not that I wanted to, but I don't chase after guys when another woman is already in the picture. I wasn't rude, but I didn't really acknowledge his flirting, and I didn't go out of my way to talk to him. So he cooled off, too. Reason I mention this, is that like your situation, he probably doesn't know why I backed off. I don't know how serious he and this other woman are/were. I just didn't want to go there. And I'm not hanging around like a vulture in case he ends up available. I like him, but I'm not like one goal. So that's why I ask if something might have been said to her about you that she sees you differently now. But there is probably still hurt ego involved. Hmm maybe someone said something about me.. I dunno, hard to tell. Lots of rumors go around. Still though, there's no reason you can't be friendly with the guy. If you start shunning him and you don't explain why then you're just being immature.
daphne Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It's not that she doesn't want to be friendly with you. Women aren't used to having to be the aggressor so she doesn't know how to be without feeling like a complete idiot. Once, I made the grave error of reaching out to a guy who I knew had a crush on me. It took me months to realize and when I emailed him and gave him my number, there was NO RESPONSE. The next time I saw him, I ignored him out of complete embarrassment and I noticed he was trying to catch up with me when I was leaving. I ran. Literally. And almost hit a car in the parking lot trying to get away from him cos he started running after me. He wrote me back the next day apologizing for not responding sooner but htat he was interested but was moving in a few weeks. Regardless, I still felt utterly rejected and I was never stupid enough to try that with another guy. Never underestimate a woman's pride. I think it's worse than a guy's to be honest.
orangelady Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 - They are first of all not as intrested in men as men are in women. - They think all men just love to chase which have been disproved so many times by now it's amazing they still say that. - They are not "go getters", women are passive by nature. Those are the three primary reasons why women never approach guys. very wrong. Women are very interested in guys they are interested in, and will do whatever it takes to have the guy. My friends are like that. And believe you me, if a girl wants a guy, she will not be passive.
Nexus One Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) It's not that she doesn't want to be friendly with you. Women aren't used to having to be the aggressor so she doesn't know how to be without feeling like a complete idiot. Once, I made the grave error of reaching out to a guy who I knew had a crush on me. It took me months to realize and when I emailed him and gave him my number, there was NO RESPONSE. The next time I saw him, I ignored him out of complete embarrassment and I noticed he was trying to catch up with me when I was leaving. I ran. Literally. And almost hit a car in the parking lot trying to get away from him cos he started running after me. He wrote me back the next day apologizing for not responding sooner but htat he was interested but was moving in a few weeks. Regardless, I still felt utterly rejected and I was never stupid enough to try that with another guy. Never underestimate a woman's pride. I think it's worse than a guy's to be honest. You running away reminds me of something. When I was 16 and in high school there was a girl that had a crush on me. She had a crush like I've never seen a girl crush on me. When I sat in front of her in class she literally tried to drag me over a table by my neck towards her. She would show up at school in haute couture fashion outfits and had a unique personality. So I always attributed her behavior as her just being her quirky self, even when she dragged me over a table, even when I heard her talk about me with other girls. In retrospect, she was somewhat my type, but then again I never understood why I didn't develop a crush on her. Anyways. She gave off very strong signals, but I misinterpreted those due to thinking she was just being her quirky self. She never directly said to me she had a crush on me. So basically I never knew she had a crush on me, until one day during lunch break she approached me and acted like she often did and another classmate made the following remark: "Nexus, she has a crush on you, can't you see that?" That took me by surprise so much, that I said to her out of reflex: "Leave me alone, I don't want any problems." But I didn't want to say that at all, I said that out of reflex, because I was so taken by surprise and felt cornered at that very moment. The look on her face was one of shear shock. That girl, after that happened, switched schools to the other side of the city. Teachers also said she had become rebellious and her grades dropped enormously. I feel so f*cking bad for that. It's now 13 years later, but I sometimes still think about that and having f*cked up so bad in that moment. I should have handled that better, with tact. I actually want to apologize to her and explain to her what happened from my point of view, even after 13 years. Edited April 23, 2011 by Nexus One
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