getsback Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 My ex is very fragile. She is shy and gets worried easily. She also has low self esteem. She is in her late 20's and has spent her whole life getting messed around by men. She gets cheated on and dumped after just a few months. We went out for exactly a year. We grew close very quickly and fell in love. We knew we wanted to spend our lives together and got engaged after 8 months. She adored me. And I her. She would always tell me that I made her feel so lucky and special. That when she was worried I always took care of her and made her feel better. And she was right. I would of done anything for her. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I worked hard so I could afford to buy her gifts and take her out. I always made sure she felt loved and knew how special I thought she was. But my problem is this. I have always been controlling. I made her feel guilty about seeing her friends and spending time away from me. And the scary part is I never saw it. I never saw what I was doing. Anyway, she ending up leaving me because it was causing problems. We took a week apart and one day she sent me an e-mail just saying we want different lives. I was distraught because I couldn't see why. Anyway, she cut off contact and ignored me for 3 weeks. In that time I slowly started to see what I had done. And it scared me. I went to the doctor to explain. We talked through it and he told me what was key is that I now reconised my mistakes. I thought I may need some sort of councelling but he didn't think so. But I knew now I had to change. And I knew I could. For my sake. By this time I had accepted my ex wasn't coming back. But I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for what I had done. So I sent her a long e-mail saying everything I felt. I told her no amount of sorrys was going to make up for what I had done. But I needed to let her know I could see it was my fault. She replied with real anger. Saying that she can't be gratefull for my apology and that she isn't ok. I didn't know what to do so I said all I could offer her was my promise to stay away from her and never contact her again. She didn't want that. She didn't know what she wanted. I offered to meet with her to talk through everything but she didn't know. A couple of days later she got drunk and started to message me. She said she missed me so much. And for all my faults, I always made her feel amazing and like a princess. I was always there for her when she needed me. And all she had ever wanted was for someone to take care of her like I had. And now she feels lost and miserable. I asked her to come over but she wouldn't because she said we wernt right for each other. But she said she wishes we were still together more then anything. The next day I sent her a message saying I would love to meet and talk if she felt like she could. She said that she needed to think. She was miserable that we lost our life together. But just because she was unhappy, she shouldn't stop me from moving on. She said she can't see me because she misses me too much and being around me will stop her from thinking clearly. So I said I loved her and would leave her to think. Then she went back to ignoring me. The next day, I sent her a couple of texts saying that all she had to do was tell me to leave her alone and I would. I just wanted what was best to make her feel happy again. She wouldn't do it and ignored me. I e-mailed her saying if she really couldn't see us getting back together, she needed to let me go. For both our sakes. Because there are too many feeling involved just to ignore it. She replied saying that her ignoring me wasn't fair. But she didn't want to have to make a decision because her head is all over the place. She said she misses me so so much. She said at first she thought she was nervous about seeing me and that she just needed more time. But she realised that deep down she wouldn't let herself see me because she knows she shouldn't. Even though she wants to. She said she couldn't ever see us working as a couple again because she wouldn't be able to go back to how she was with me. And that she dosnt think she will ever be able to see me again because it will open too many old wounds. She thanked me for making her feel amazing and for loving her. She said she misses me so so much and probably always will. But she is struggling to cope with the break up. I asked her if I should leave her alone and she said she didn't know what to do for the best. But she didn't want to stop me from living my life and she didn't want to drag me down with her. I text her the next day saying that I missed her too and I wanted to make it right. I said I understand her logic behind not seeing me, but I needed to hear her say that she didn't love me and want to be with me anymore in order for me to move on. Or I am going to be tempted to keep fighting for her. She ignored that and said she thinks we should both move on. I said that I would but I just needed to hear that she didn't want me anymore. She replied "that's what I have been trying to say" so I said thank you and left it at that. Now I understand its over. And I understand what a complete idiot I was during the relationship. I also understand that I put far too much pressure on her with the texts and e-mails this last week. But I wasnt thinking straight. I saw an opening and went for it when the best thing to do was to back off and let her come to me if she wanted to. So I fully accept getting her back at this point is an impossible mission and I need to let her live her life. But baring in mind that I did a lot of amazing things for her too and giving me the benefit of the doubt that I can change.....is there anything I can do or any hope at all of getting this women back? Because for all my faults, I truely care for her. By the way, I know the general opinion will be, "see if she contacts you". But this girl is a little different. If she decided she wanted me back, she still wouldnt contact me because her self esteem is so low that she would be worried I had moved on and wouldnt risk being rejected by me. So if I have any chance of getting her back, its going to have to be me that contacts her at some point.
sandman223 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 There's always a chance. But you can't focus on that, otherwise it will eat away at you and have the potential to leave you very disappointed. Work on yourself, learn to move on, and if something in the future happens, then great, if not you will have moved on.
Fufu Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You need to move on. If she really wants to be with you again, let her be the one to initiate the sincere contact and action.
NoLifeKing Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 try to move on...if she comes back she comes back. If not, she isnt worth it. my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t275093/
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