somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 This evening I'm will be going to a fairly large social dance party on campus. Everybody who is taking a dance class on campus is required to go to the party. It's a semi-formal event and most girls dress up for it; versus the everyday clothes they show up to class in. Would it be appropriate, who am I kidding, a way to score points with a girl if I said something nice about how she looks? If so, what are some good things to say?
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 The thing is, when girls dress up, we get compliments all the time. In fact, it is almost expected. So saying she "looks nice," won't make you stand out. An idea: 1) catch some girl's eye, (the less attractive, the more effective ) 2) look her up and down, not leeringly (that's creepy), but like ur stunned, 3) say "Wow, you look beautiful, 4) smile charmingly, "Wanna dance?":cool: If some guy did that to me I would be flattered. Maybe not completely swept off my feet. But pleased nonetheless. Be prepared for potential blushing and awkwardness. Feel free to shoot down this idea; I know it's cheesy and probably overused. Meh. Oh, and each pick up would work only once. So be creative! Good luck and have fun p.s. I like men who dance
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Of course it's okay, but don't trip over yourself to compliment her dress if it'll sound insincere. A particular compliment has never made me more interested in a guy I wasn't already interested in, so not sure 'what to say' in terms of some kind of magic phrase. Just give sincere praise when you see something praiseworthy and stay away from anything creepy and overtly sexual. That's about all one ever has to do with compliments in the social realm.
Lucky_One Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I think women tend to like guys more who complement THEM rather than their outfit. Women tend to complement each other on their clothes and hair - on specific things rather than the woman as a whole. We want men to appreciate US for US, not US because we have on a great dress. With that being said, I agree with Biscuit. Using a "Wow" "Hey!" always makes you sound like you appreciate the extra effort that goes into making ourselves look even better. "Wow! You look spectacular!" "Whoa - you trying to kill me or something?" "Ma'am, I have never seen you look so good." With smiles and a laugh in your voice - not the kind of voice that some practiced player would give a typical pick-up line in. Girls can tell when you are being sincere.
Author somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Thanks for the advice. Normally, I never compliment women on their appearance due to to the whole pedestal thing. But this is a situation where I know that the girls spent a lot of time trying to make themselves look good. So I'm hoping a compliment would be OK and not make her think less of me. These are girls that I've seen in class a couple times a week since January, so I don't want to be weird. Since I'll see them on Monday in their normal clothes.
Lucky_One Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 What is the pedestal thing? And why would a woman think less of you for giving a sincere compliment? I try to give at least 3 sincere compliments a day. Often to strangers. I see someone with a sweater on that complements their complexion "Hey, great sweater - it makes you glow". I see someone whose children are behaving "Hey, buddy, nice manners, I bet your folks are so proud of you!" I see someone give someone a $1 off cat food coupon at the grocery store "Hey, that was nice!" I get in the car with one of my son's friends, and say "Hey one of y'all smells really nice!" (because they often are pretty doggone smelly after a game, and I try to make them cognizant of when they ARE clean!). People feel good when they are complimented; I feel good when I make someone else feel good.
Author somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Putting a woman on a pedestal. Making her something to be admired, that is also higher than myself. Makes it seem that I would be trying to please her. That's why I've been afraid to give women compliments.
irc333 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 "Ma'am, I have never seen you look so good." Might want to leave out the "ma'am" part if you have a romantic interest.
Lucky_One Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I don't think I put people on pedestals, but I do believe that I tend to admire the people that I care about most. My dad would be on a pedestal, lol, and other than that, I admire people. The things that I admire are the things that draw me to them. I love my H's physical strength, and so I compliment him on that. I don't think that it sweels his head, but it DOES make him feel good about himself, and so he actually probably does a better job of keeping himself fit and healthy, so that I continue to admire and compliment and make him feel good about hismelf - a GREAT cycle! But in general, I don't idolize anyone. But I do firmly believe that making other people feel good about themselves is so valuable, just in making the world around us a little nicer. It's the constant gushing about others that makes me uncomfortable. "You are so hot, you are so sexy, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you are so incredible". Ick. I love hearing in the middle of love-making that I am beautiful, but don't constantly reach across the dinner table to stroke my cheek and tell everyone at the table that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. That bothers me.
Lucky_One Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Might want to leave out the "ma'am" part if you have a romantic interest. LOL! True, since he is in SoCal! Where I grew up and where I live now, it would go over ok with girls - I guess just a geographically cultural thing!
NoMagicBullet Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Lucky One has given great advice here on compliments. Compliments aren't about putting someone on a pedastal above you, they're about making another person feel good. And people like to be around people who make them feel good. Not say that it's all about the other person -- you can feel good knowing you brightened someone's day. So yes, compliment women. Just make it sincere, definitely smile, and don't do it to excess. In the event you described, you can even start off by complimenting a group of women standing together: "Ladies! You all look amazing tonight!" while smiling and looking at each one of them. (Be sure to look at all of the women in the group, because the ones you don't look at will notice.) But compliments to individuals is definitely recommended: "You look really pretty in that dress." "Did you have your hair done? It looks great!" "That's a lovely necklace you're wearing." Those probably all sound silly out of context, but if her hair really does look great, if she really is wearing a nice necklace, or if she really does look pretty in that dress, say so! And be sure to smile when saying it. I'd avoid teasing compliments with people you don't know well. Just one word of caution. There are some people who can't or don't know how to properly receive a compliment (i.e. with a "thank you" and a smile), so don't take it personally if your compliment doesn't seem to make a positive impact.
Author somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Thank you NoMagic, that really put things in perspective. I'll try some of those tonight.
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Putting a woman on a pedestal. Making her something to be admired, that is also higher than myself. Makes it seem that I would be trying to please her. That's why I've been afraid to give women compliments. Wow. Seriously? I love giving people compliments. Students, co-workers, friends, lovers, strangers. . . I try to give loads of compliments. Of course, I also compliment myself (I'm awesome, so that's not hard! But so are so many people, so finding others to compliment is never all that hard either!) so I don't feel I'm making anyone "better" than me by complimenting them. You bring out what you see in people, so complimenting them brings out only positive qualities. That I've noticed, at least.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I prefer compliments about me, not about my clothes or accessories. That is, instead of, "That's a great dress" or "that necklace looks great on you", I'd prefer a simple "you look beautiful".
Author somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Wow. Seriously? I love giving people compliments. Students, co-workers, friends, lovers, strangers. . . I try to give loads of compliments. Of course, I also compliment myself (I'm awesome, so that's not hard! But so are so many people, so finding others to compliment is never all that hard either!) so I don't feel I'm making anyone "better" than me by complimenting them. You bring out what you see in people, so complimenting them brings out only positive qualities. That I've noticed, at least. Sadly yes. It's an after effect of reading too much PU material. I'm trying to undo the hindering thought processes. I prefer compliments about me, not about my clothes or accessories. That is, instead of, "That's a great dress" or "that necklace looks great on you", I'd prefer a simple "you look beautiful". Oh. I'll just think of it that different women like different things. Personally, complementing a woman on a dress or her hair sounds like something another woman would say to her. Though I do, do it on occasion if she is wearing cool shoes or has killer earnings, something like that. But that's more about complimenting the item than herself. Ugh, so much confusion.
Dust Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 This evening I'm will be going to a fairly large social dance party on campus. Everybody who is taking a dance class on campus is required to go to the party. It's a semi-formal event and most girls dress up for it; versus the everyday clothes they show up to class in. Would it be appropriate, who am I kidding, a way to score points with a girl if I said something nice about how she looks? If so, what are some good things to say? Dude you’re 30 and they are 22 tops, don’t worry about scoring point and just be bold for once in your unlived life. The thing is, when girls dress up, we get compliments all the time. In fact, it is almost expected. So saying she "looks nice," won't make you stand out. An idea: 1) catch some girl's eye, (the less attractive, the more effective ) 2) look her up and down, not leeringly (that's creepy), but like ur stunned, 3) say "Wow, you look beautiful, 4) smile charmingly, "Wanna dance?":cool: If some guy did that to me I would be flattered. Maybe not completely swept off my feet. But pleased nonetheless. Be prepared for potential blushing and awkwardness. The less attractive the better? This is horrible advice. You want to go after the girls that you can't be with out. Of course you are going to look her up and down and let her catch you doing it. In fact ask her to do a spin, or spin her around if you are already dancing to get the 360 degree view. Say what ever comes to mind. Don't go around saying "Wow, you look beautiful" all night. But women really are suckers for being told they look beautiful. Of course dance with them and wisper romantic flirty fun stuff in their ears. And if they blush or it gets awkward probably a good thing. Putting a woman on a pedestal. Making her something to be admired, that is also higher than myself. Makes it seem that I would be trying to please her. That's why I've been afraid to give women compliments. The fact you are so afraid of women and what they think of you is how you’ve put women on the pedestal. Just one word of caution. There are some people who can't or don't know how to properly receive a compliment (i.e. with a "thank you" and a smile), so don't take it personally if your compliment doesn't seem to make a positive impact. Really no need to take anything personally. His goal shouln't be to get his ego stroked. Just to have fun.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Personally, complementing a woman on a dress or her hair sounds like something another woman would say to her. EXACTLY. A man is more likely to think/say, "Woah, hotness," whereas a woman will be like, "Oooh, cute top."
NoMagicBullet Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Thank you NoMagic, that really put things in perspective. I'll try some of those tonight. Glad to help. So... how did it go?
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 The less attractive the better? This is horrible advice. You want to go after the girls that you can't be with out. Well, if he's really that nervous, starting small won't hurt. Instead of getting nervous and shot down by a beautiful woman who gets approached all the time, the less attractive girls would be so pleased by the attention that they would at least be nice. Seriously, most men only have eyes for the beautiful women in the middle of the party. They forget about the nice but plain wallflowers.
Author somedude81 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Glad to help. So... how did it go? Ugh, the night was a total bust. I didn't get to dance with a single girl that I wanted to. Total waste of my time.
iris219 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Ugh, the night was a total bust. I didn't get to dance with a single girl that I wanted to. But you got to dance with girls? What's so bad about that?
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