Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 This is just a mini rant based partly on something johan said in his thread. Incomplete information is something I have trouble dealing with when things go wrong. It makes my head spin with questions such as "Did I do/say something wrong?" "Is there someone else?" "Am I too fat?" "Am I too nice?" "Am I bad in bed?". I can literally spend weeks or (with my boss) years trying to create different scenarios in my mind on why a person is acting in some way or the other. Not only is it a waste of time and energy, but even if you figured it out you will never even know that you "figured it out". I did try being straight forward and asking but more often then not the other person isn't being honest and it only leads to more questions... That's what led me to snooping in the past. I just want complete or near complete information so that I can make an informed decision whetever to move on or not. I wish I could read minds. Sigh. Dating sucks
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I used to be like this too. Until I realized it didn't matter. If they didn't like me, it wasn't because I was too fat or too skinny or too tall or too short or ugly. It was because I wasn't right for them, we weren't compatible. The end. Analyzing why is pointless, because the next guy is going to have a completely different preference. And we can't really change who we are, fundamentally. Even if we diet or work out, change our style of clothing, maybe adjust bits of our behaviour, our souls, who we ARE, will never change. As soon as someone's behaviour towards me changes, I give them about a week. After that, I move on. There's lots more fish in the sea! I'm looking for the guy who will love me even when I'm old, fat, sick, and wrinkly. I know he's out there!
utterer of lies Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 That's what led me to snooping in the past. I just want complete or near complete information so that I can make an informed decision whetever to move on or not. I wish I could read minds. You will never have complete information. Even snooping will not really help. You will learn more, but without context it's worthless and will only make you feel worse, because every little piece of information you find snooping will open more questions. You should rather try to accept that you cannot control everything. Learning this will make you much happier.
daphne Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 You should rather try to accept that you cannot control everything. Learning this will make you much happier. The gospel.
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I do think, we should try to change ourselves for the better, but for our overall happiness, not based on whatever flaws one person saw in us as a GF/BF. There's really no use in worrying "why" unless it is looking at your own behavior and how you contributed to unhealthy patterns in the relationship. That's all I really engage in. In terms of who I am, well, as long as I'm the person I want to be, I'll find somebody great who adores me, and I'll hold out for that. So, as others have said, it really doesn't matter. I think for you it's an issue of control. You feel out of control in your own life and think control lies outside --- if only you could read their minds, you'd feel safer --- but really true safety is self-control.
Disillusioned Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Some people just don't like to have to read and write. Simple as that.
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