HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 my ex and I were in a 3.5 year relationship together. we had our ups and downs but usually when we had our problems we would put forth every effort possible to solve them and in the end we became stronger as a couple. we started dating my senior year in high school (her junior year) and we currently go to college together. now about a year ago I was working at a place I absolutely hated, was a full time college student, and tried to spend all my free time with her. we or I should say she had a misunderstanding and thought I didn't love her and she thought I was always mad at her. we resolved that issue and I explained to her that being a full time student and working a job that you absolutely hate is very draining and I felt tired all the time. she understood completely and after a 3 day break (no physical contact, we talked on the phone and Instant Messenger quite a bit during that time) we went on as usual. now it's 1 year later and she breaks up with me and I still don't feel like I have any explanation as to why. this wouldn't bother me quite so much because it's been almost a month since our break up but I have a 3 hour class with her that I need to be in once a week. so every week I feel like I'm going through the break up again and again. have class with her on thursdays so I've been depressed every weekend since the break up and can't seem to find anything that will keep my mind off of her, I've read that working out and taking care of yourself is a good way to move on but I can honestly say it's not working for me. several times I have worked out so hard that I ended up vomiting and one of those times I was vomiting for about 3 days. during the whole workout i don't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about her and this is absolutely killing me. ok back to the break up... right after the breakup I met her twice to try and figure out why she all of a sudden dropped the bomb on our relationship. we both were crying in both of those instances and I couldn't get a straight forward answer (she kept changing what she was saying, like one moment she would say she loves me and the next she said she doesn't). since then we have been in LC (limited contact) because of our class together (which I originally took so we could spend more time together) and I haven't had any communication with her other than class. during the class I get the impression that she has completely moved on and she has no recollection of our relationship together (she talks to me like she either just met me or I'm an old friend or something). ok so now that you have a little background about what's been going on I'll give you my plan that I just thought of a few days ago (I hope this is a good one ). a few days after the break up I became very interested in psychology, I thought "what the hell am I doing? one girl leaves me and my whole world seems like it just stopped completely". which lead into a series of similar thoughts but I really did a lot of research in psychology, mainly female psychology and relationship guides with little focus on men, after all I am a guy so I figure I'll hit that part last and focus on my current interest. I read a lot about grieving and different ways to grieve, even ways to force yourself to grieve (which is different for everyone). well I realized that I have done a lot of crying in the first 3 days but it gradually was going away, yet I still felt the love for this girl so I decided I would find a way to force out all the tears I had. I started off with a stuffed animal that she got me (very first gift she got me and I still remember every aspect of that moment with her). that got me grieving/crying quite a bit for a day or two but after I shed all the tears I could with that memory I needed to find another approach to grieving. I began going to the social networks (myspace and facebook to be specific) and noticed she still had pictures of us on her profile. so here I was about a week from the break up (only seeing her in class and on one of the occurrences that I met with her) and I kept reminiscing on the memories of us. this seemed to be the best way for me to grieve but in order to do this I had to visit her profiles quite often just to do so. I ended up saving the pictures to my computer and making a slide show of them. this didn't work enough for me so I grabbed the song 'Without You' by 'My Darkest Days' and set it to play in the background as the pictures rolled across my screen. I must say that this was the absolute best way for me to grieve and I urge all of you going through a break up to just "grieve". my way of grieving might not work for all of you but I have faith in all of you that you will/can find a way if you put your mind to it. now after all that grieving with my slide show I very rarely cry thinking about my ex. I'm still deeply in love with her and want her back more than anything but I feel like I have more of a "crush" on her now versus needing her. now for my MASTER PLAN her birthday is in a few days and I'm debating on whether I should send a friendly happy birthday email to her or not (either way I'm not overly worried about whatever I do in this occasion). now I share this with you because this is where my plan shot through my head. now as I stated earlier I still deeply love her and want her back but I'm having a lot of doubt in the NC rule at getting her back and feel like I need to actually put forth an effort in the process. I modified my slide show a little bit and put it in dvd format (I created menus, different music to play for the slide show, and two versions of the slide show). I originally planned to give this to her for her birthday but I don't want to ruin the last of our classes together (I feel that her talking to me like a "friend" is much better than her hating me or her feeling like I'm not giving her space). so this is where I want to modify my plan a bit. in two weeks from today it will be our very last class together and we can go our separate ways. I'm hoping I can contact her in person after that class and ask if we can have a private meeting at her house (I'm giving her the choice here) but I'm not going to tell her what this is about figuring she will assume it is about us, which she will be right. now after I ask her this I will let her know right then that I don't expect an answer from her at that time and when she is ready she can contact me and set up a date/time (yay more choices for her lol). I figure this will relieve a certain degree of neediness or desperation by giving her control of this aspect of the plan. during this meeting I want to get my answers as to why she all of a sudden broke up with me (which is ultimately what this meeting is all about); however, I am going to lay all of my feelings out on a line for her, give her my dvd (in hopes that the memories of us will make her realize what she is throwing away), hug her and say our good byes (but also make it clear that she can contact me if she wants more than friends). now if she decides that she is final with her decision I can walk away hopefully knowing what went wrong with the relationship and knowing that I did everything I possibly could to win her back. And if she does decide that she made a mistake and would like to get back together then well I WIN. but she'll have to really work for my love, I'm not going to let her hurt me like this and then waltz back into the relationship like this break up never happened. and no I'm not going to be mean about it, just take it slow and not dive back into what failed for us before. well that's my plan, if you have any insight/advice please feel free to comment. or just comment about anything that strikes you about this (good or bad). I just kindly ask you to be "nice" or at least considerate of my feelings, after all I'm only about 3 to 4 weeks into this break up. Also if you are going through a break up please try the grieving method (you can modify it to your liking) and let me know if/how it worked for you. Thanks for reading and take care everyone, Phoenix
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