vanitylane Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 So, not sure if anyone seen my post from a couple months ago, but I was dating a co-worker (officer B) from work-- the guy that gave me the keys to his apartment the night that we went for drinks after work. But, what I failed to mention is that I was already seeing someone (another officer.. lets call him officer A) from the same department. I've always had trouble communicating with partners, and since the relationship between me and officer A wasn't going to go anywhere, I didn't think much of it. Yeah, we had relations, but that's as far as it went. Sooo.. me and officer B were both comfortable in the relationship. I never told him about officer A.. I was ashamed and embarassed, and feared that he wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. Plus, he was supposedly in the works of transferring to another Police Department, so I figure why stir up things if he wasn't going to be there long, anyway. Long story short, B found out about A and dropped me like a hot potato. I'm not really devestated about it, but I feel terrible about the whole effed up situation and want to crawl under a rock and die. I was very immature and childish. I truly want to apologize for what I've done and any trouble it may have caused. I no longer work at the department; as I've advanced to a higher position. I don't know exactly the effects of my foolishness to either party, but I feel like scum. I wonder if there's any room for me to apologize to the both of them?
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Yeah, I remember you. You said officer B was older and expected way too much from you? Are you telling me you continued the relationship with him? Regardless, and yes, I'm gonna make you feel worse. Some guys (not all and I can't speak for the two gentlemen in question) like the fact that a woman can feel so safe, secure and happy enough with a guy that she would want to share herself fully with that man. It makes a guy feel really special. Only in your case, you didn't. Did you hurt them? YEP! Is telling them that your sorry gonna make THEM feel any better and improve their opinion of you? PROBABLY NOT! Would you be wasting your time? Yep! Chalk it up as lessons learned. You should NEVER cheat on someone because it hurts like hell. You didn't have too much invested in these guys. But take it from someone that has been cheated on while in a loving and committed relationship. It feels like your heart stops only for you to listen to it rip apart and as much as you want that pain to stop, it doesn't. And you feel so lost and confused because you want this roller coaster to stop, someone to help you. But you find that nothing anyone says or does is gonna make you feel any better. You keep asking yourself "why?" and there's NEVER a good answer. So, remember that for future relationships.
jnj express Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Why apologize for anything---If you are not in relationships with either of them---then don't bother Just be careful next time you are in a relationship, and it becomes serious---it is then time to stop inapropos contact with all other men
Professor X Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I wonder if there's any room for me to apologize to the both of them? Why apologize? So you will feel better with yourself? Are you that selfish? I guess you are since you decided to be with them both regardless of their feelings. You were greedy, you wanted both and you got busted. Time you grow up.
Woman In Blue Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Meh...don't lose sleep over it. I've been around for more than 50 years and I don't know one single cop that isn't a lying cheater, so sooner or later he would have screwed around on you. You just did it first.
Kelemort Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 If you do choose to apologize, send a letter or something like that. Don't focus on yourself, but on the hurt you BROUGHT these men. You already know that what you did was stupid and hurtful and no one's going to try and make you feel better about that. You've got to live with the damage you've brought. Keep in mind they probably won't be receptive to your apologies, and let's be honest - your apology would probably serve most to clear YOUR conscience, and it likely won't do anything for them. Need I also say that starting dual relationships with two men who work with each other or in close proximity to each other is just about the dumbest possible thing you can do. If you're going to cheat, at least make sure that they don't know each other, or at LEAST that one of the partners is aware and okay with the fact that you're cheating.
gaius Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) Why apologize? So you will feel better with yourself? Are you that selfish? Yeah, if you really want to do whats right you will not try and drag them back into your drama under the guise of apologizing. You put them both in a very uncomfortable position at work and if you have any decency you will just leave this experience to the history books. Edited April 25, 2011 by gaius
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