acsnaara Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 So this break-up has been going on for about a month now. It happened at first when she came to my house and started smoking (which i hate her doing). I got pissed off at her and told her that if she wasn't going to slow down for herself and keep hurting herself then I was simply going to not be with her any more. She left my house and I obviously felt bad after breaking up with her so harshly. After about a week of convincing, she decided to get back with me however I was going on a trip the next day and so we really never got to talk about it. I got back and despite being tired I went into town and bought her some flowers and went over to her house. I presented them to her along with some souvenirs that I bought her on the trip and it seemed that all was good during the next few days. We went to dinner happily and she even declared how much she loved spending time together again. This didnt last long though as we went to the club and had an arguement about her going into the smoking area. I played it under the guise of not wanting her to smoke but i think now i didnt want her to cheat on me(more on that later). She then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the night and when i told her to call me when she got home because this is what she always does, she didnt do so. So I got worried and being a little tipsy sent a load of drunk/stupid skype messages to her. I had a test this morning but I didnt sleep because i was expecting her call. After the test I went over to hers and knocked on the door and she proclaimed that we needed to talk. She told me that we weren't suited to be together and that we should take a break. When I told her I would wait for her she told me not to. She then told me that she just wanted to be single and that things had changed between us. I obviously tried to reconcile with her as much as I could but to no avail. She even told me that when she said she loved me a couple days earlier that she was lying to herself. I was hurt and so I stormed off angryly. I decided I needed to back disappear for a few weeks and so I visited my friend for a couple of weeks. At this time I was still messaging her and managed to tell her where I was going and for how long. Whilst at my friends I not only managed to unhate her but managed to tell her how much I loved her again. One night I drunk dialed her and told her how much I missed her and she hung up after like 1 minute into the call. I went home completely depressed that night. Then the next day she called me asking if I was ok and saying how she missed me etc etc. She called me again and said that she missed me etc etc and then said how she wanted to be physical again. I decided to not call her until i got back to my hometown. The night I got back I sent her a missed call whilst on a walk by myself. She called me back and I talked with her for the entire night. She not only declared that she still loved me but she told me that the actual reason for us breaking up was that she was guilty about something she was not telling me. After making her tell me and then reconciling this with her I told her that I still had feelings as well. She then said that she wanted to see me and I agreed. She came over to mine at about 1am and knocked on my window. I opened the door for her and we said our hellos. I sat down and she immediately took a seat in my lap and kissed me. We then went back to hers holding hands and talking as if we were still together. We got back and just sat next to each other in her bed. After a while things just sparked and escalated until we had sex. all night long. I came over by her request the next night and we watched a movie and cuddled that night. During the movie however, she asked me "what are we doing?", to which I replyed "just hanging out". Before i left the next day I asked her about us being together again and she said that too much had happened and it wouldnt be the same. I was confused by this and tried to convince her otherwise. she ended the night saying we shouldnt see each other again I texted her saying i was sad we couldnt be together that night and she instantly texted back saying she wanted me to come over but no sex just cuddles. I came over and we basically just slept in each other's arms. The next morning we discussed the relationship again and she decided it was for the best we stop talking to each other. However everytime i tried to leave shed grab me and say dont go. I eventually packed and left but we kissed before I left and then sat and pretty much reminisced. She would tell me things like oh its not goodbye just see you later and if i come back to you then we will be together forever. if you've sat there and read this long bloated post then just let me thank you first of all. Its kind of a vent as well as just looking for some active advice. Ive decided im not gonna contact her for a bit and let her decide what she wants and if she comes back I will make a decision from there but i feel ive been pursuing and being and idiot throughout this whole thing
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 You knew she was a smoker right from the start, right? It's okay to encourage someone to quit, but it has to be done on her terms, not yours. Bottomline is, she is a smoker, not planning on quitting until SHE is ready, whether you end it with her or not. Either you accept her and the smoking or you don't. Breaking up was probably the right thing to do.
Author acsnaara Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) so when did she cheat on you? it was around november. She started to go to clubs by herself more and more. then one day she told me that she danced with this guy all night. I obviously was fine with this. then this same guy gives her the if she was single talk. This raised red flags in my mind and i became very self conscious about the whole thing. fast foreward a couple weeks and shes calling me drunk saying that she is a slut over and over again.(what she wasnt telling me===>) Now she told me that she was with him but what i only just learned is that she actually went to his and slept in his bed that night. (no sex involved apparantly) but anyway i think a week later i am with her at dinner and she is just raining insults down on her friend. I'm personally concerned and i keep asking her wtf is going on. To find out that the guy was actually flirting and eventually slept with one of her good friends. Now of course in my mind this is no problem so I ask her whats going on. She eventually admits to me that she had feelings for this guy............ I told her I would forgive her straight away but I think the problem is that I never actually did. I always became concerned about whether she was with another guy when she wasnt with me. I dont think ive actually faced how hurt i was by all of this until now that im actually out of the relationship but we both reconciled at least this situation. You knew she was a smoker right from the start, right? It's okay to encourage someone to quit, but it has to be done on her terms, not yours. Bottomline is, she is a smoker, not planning on quitting until SHE is ready, whether you end it with her or not. Either you accept her and the smoking or you don't. Breaking up was probably the right thing to do. As far as her being a smoker, I was never a fan of it but towards the end of the relationship the amount that she started smoking was getting ridiculous. Initially it was literally more of a once in a blue moon kind of thing. I think it sorta had to do with the secret that she was keeping bottled up Edited April 22, 2011 by acsnaara
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Sorry to be telling you this but, she did a lot more with this guy. She's trickle truthing you.
Author acsnaara Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Sorry to be telling you this but, she did a lot more with this guy. She's trickle truthing you. yea i figured as much tbh, she said he slept on the couch in another room >.>
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