iris219 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 So as I said before on here, I don’t meet single men. I’m not rejecting single men, I simply don’t meet them (although I do have a couple single male friends, but we aren’t trying to date each other because it wouldn’t work). I have a female friend (35) who’s been single for 8 years and she hasn’t been on date in about 3 because she hasn’t met single men either. The guy she was talking to 3 years ago, she met when she went home to visit her family, not where we live. I asked a few people at work at work if they knew any single men in my age range (30-45). They either said no, or the one single guy they knew, I wouldn’t want (one co worker told me about the one single guy she knows—he’s very socially awkward and probably autistic. At this point, I might consider this.) I had my mom ask her hair stylist. This woman knows everyone, yet she knew of no single men except for this one stylist who I’ve meet in the past (he used to be one of my friend’s ex boyfriend’s roommates.) Apparently he’s not gay because he hit me when we met, but he seems VERY gay. I’ve been asking around and I get the same answer. No in this town knows any single men my age. I go out often and I don’t see single men my age. In bars I get hit on by 24 and 54 year olds. Single men my age are nearly an extinct species where I live. Would this be enough to make you move? (And after looking at that penis map, I’m considering Belgium or Ecuador ) But seriously, I’m smart, fit, have a good job, etc. I feel like my good qualities are being wasted because there’s little to no hope of ever meeting anyone to share them with.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I would indeed move if I was single and knew that moving would pay itself off with a guy eventually.
yah Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Have you tried online dating? Are you open to dating men from nearby areas? If there are no single men in town, yes, I would move, like, yesterday.
lookingforyou Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 For me, I moved to a city that probably has a worse chance of finding good, single men partly because it's good for my career. I thought of moving somewhere that has a higher chance of finding that someone but it may not be that easy for me to get the kind of job that I want. So I'm in a dilemma. OP, is it easy for you to move though?
musemaj11 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It seems that women are much more able to cope with singlehood. Perhaps its the lack of maddening sexual pressure that single men endure. A female friend of mine once said that the hardest time being a single woman is only around her period when she's extremely hormonal. But aside from that its not that big of a deal.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It seems that women are much more able to cope with singlehood. Perhaps its the lack of maddening sexual pressure that single men endure. A female friend of mine once said that the hardest time being a single woman is only around her period when she's extremely hormonal. But aside from that its not that big of a deal. For some women. I actually cope with being single extremely poorly. It scares me to feel like I need a man.
lookingforyou Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It scares me to think I might not need a man. I'm too independent.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It scares me to think I might not need a man. I'm too independent. I very much wish I was this way. I think you are only scared because society tells you to be, It's good not to need people because the more needy you are, the less they want to be with you. Also, people in general tend to be mean and fickle, so if you need them in a certain way in your life than you're in trouble if no one's willing to fill that role. You can't make anyone meet your needs, even if you have them.
lookingforyou Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I very much wish I was this way. I think you are only scared because society tells you to be, It's good not to need people because the more needy you are, the less they want to be with you. Also, people in general tend to be mean and fickle, so if you need them in a certain way in your life than you're in trouble if no one's willing to fill that role. You can't make anyone meet your needs, even if you have them. On the contrary, I want to be like you! Or rather, somewhere between you and I. Because I'm so independent, it makes me feel that it's one major reason why I haven't found an SO. I need to elaborate a little. I do want to have someone and sometimes I feel lonely even though I don't think I need someone. So it's not like I'm feeling great all the time about my singlehood.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 On the contrary, I want to be like you! Or rather, somewhere between you and I. Because I'm so independent, it makes me feel that it's one major reason why I haven't found an SO. I need to elaborate a little. I do want to have someone and sometimes I feel lonely even though I don't think I need someone. No. You've just avoided all the ****ed up, horrible relationships that the rest of us get into because we feel like we need to be with someone.
lookingforyou Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 No. You've just avoided all the ****ed up, horrible relationships that the rest of us get into because we feel like we need to be with someone. The grass is always greener elsewhere though. LOL. Sometimes I wonder if I would give up my singlehood for the f***ed up sh** just to have someone. I really don't know. Have you tried taking up some hobbies or doing something that takes your mind off wanting to be with someone? That might help. Or if you know why you think you need to have someone? And work from there?
Author iris219 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Thanks for the responses. It wouldn’t be easy for me to move in terms of a job. I’d definitely have to find a job first. I’ve started applying for jobs in other places, but no luck so far. I’m definitely open to dating men from somewhere else, but I don’t think online dating is right for me. I honestly think it’d be a huge waste of my time. The sad part is that I like where I live. If I moved, I assume that I’d want to eventually move back. I live in a tourist town, so maybe with summer coming some single men will visit. I can only hope! I don’t mind being single, per say. I like my life and I’m happy. I mind that I might always be single and never have a family. I never thought I’d be single at 32. I just assumed I’d be married with children by now. I see all these posts asking how to get a girl interested or how to make a relationship work. Imagine if you haven't seen an available or age appropriate single person in years. I think you're lucky you even see single people you'd want to date!
Leeway Harris Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I live in a tourist town, so maybe with summer coming some single men will visit. I can only hope! Is it a place where a lot of people would like to live? Maybe you can find a guy who will move to be with you. As for the rest, if you're absolutely 100% sure it's your location that's keeping you from finding a man, then by all means, move. But... I lived in a tourist town too, and there was nobody there for me. Then I got a new job and moved to New York. And after two and a half years, I'm still as single as I ever was, with no real prospects in sight. So my location wasn't the problem after all. Just think about it.
lookingforyou Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Is it a place where a lot of people would like to live? Maybe you can find a guy who will move to be with you. As for the rest, if you're absolutely 100% sure it's your location that's keeping you from finding a man, then by all means, move. But... I lived in a tourist town too, and there was nobody there for me. Then I got a new job and moved to New York. And after two and a half years, I'm still as single as I ever was, with no real prospects in sight. So my location wasn't the problem after all. Just think about it. I agree. NYC isn't the easiest city to look for someone. At first I thought cities were probably a bad idea. A friend moved back to her small town and she finds it hard too. So I don't think there's a perfect place to find that someone. But OP, if you know somewhere that will work for you, by all means go. I would like to find that one place that will be good for me. That when I get a chance, I can move to and find that someone later on.
Author iris219 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Is it a place where a lot of people would like to live? Maybe you can find a guy who will move to be with you. As for the rest, if you're absolutely 100% sure it's your location that's keeping you from finding a man, then by all means, move. But... I lived in a tourist town too, and there was nobody there for me. Then I got a new job and moved to New York. And after two and a half years, I'm still as single as I ever was, with no real prospects in sight. So my location wasn't the problem after all. Just think about it. That would be my fear—that I’d move, there’d be single men, and I’d still be single. Then I’d have to blame myself (gasp!) Yes, people would definitely want to live here. The problem is there isn't much of a job market here. There are VERY few professional jobs, and therefore very few young professionals.
Scottdmw Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 The question is, are you doing as much as you could be doing to meet men? I always recommend the website meetup.com. It has thousands of interest groups searchable by zip code. If there is a decent population in your area there are probably some groups, and many of them specialize in exactly the age you are. I would suggest you should be going to something like this 2-3 times per week. The next question is, do you have a larger or different metropolitan area within reasonable driving distance? It may be unpleasant, but it is possible to drive up to one hour or so to expand your social horizons. You could at least try this to see if the different location helps. If you did you could then be more confident that moving will help. Finally, if you really do decide to move, this map may help: http://www.creativeclass.com/whos_your_city/maps/#The_Singles_Map Best of luck, Scott
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I did. I traveled abroad, mostly living in Asia, for a few years, and I came back because -- while I met men -- forging relationships that were anywhere near marriage-material wasn't as likely to happen (certainly not impossible) if I stayed abroad. I'm lucky. I got an awesome job, but I've got a teaching certificate, as well as reading coach credentials, that work in most U.S. states and because I have my Masters can teach abroad most places as well, so my career is very mobile. I'm not at the moment because I'm a PhD candidate, and I have to stay here till I finish, but I will be again soon. And, sure, if any part of my life was made unfulfilling by my area, I'd move. It's one of the main reasons I switched to teaching as a Korea after a few years in advertising. They need teachers everywhere.
orangelady Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I very much wish I was this way. I think you are only scared because society tells you to be, It's good not to need people because the more needy you are, the less they want to be with you. Also, people in general tend to be mean and fickle, so if you need them in a certain way in your life than you're in trouble if no one's willing to fill that role. You can't make anyone meet your needs, even if you have them. though I like you because you're humble and helpful. Just be yourself.
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I did. I traveled abroad, mostly living in Asia, for a few years, and I came back because -- while I met men -- forging relationships that were anywhere near marriage-material wasn't as likely to happen (certainly not impossible) if I stayed abroad. I'm lucky. I got an awesome job, but I've got a teaching certificate, as well as reading coach credentials, that work in most U.S. states and because I have my Masters can teach abroad most places as well, so my career is very mobile. I'm not at the moment because I'm a PhD candidate, and I have to stay here till I finish, but I will be again soon. And, sure, if any part of my life was made unfulfilling by my area, I'd move. It's one of the main reasons I switched to teaching as a Korea after a few years in advertising. They need teachers everywhere. Teaching as a career. Though I did indeed make the switch by teaching in Japan and Korea. Silly typos.
orangelady Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Thanks for the responses. It wouldn’t be easy for me to move in terms of a job. I’d definitely have to find a job first. I’ve started applying for jobs in other places, but no luck so far. I’m definitely open to dating men from somewhere else, but I don’t think online dating is right for me. I honestly think it’d be a huge waste of my time. The sad part is that I like where I live. If I moved, I assume that I’d want to eventually move back. I live in a tourist town, so maybe with summer coming some single men will visit. I can only hope! I don’t mind being single, per say. I like my life and I’m happy. I mind that I might always be single and never have a family. I never thought I’d be single at 32. I just assumed I’d be married with children by now. I see all these posts asking how to get a girl interested or how to make a relationship work. Imagine if you haven't seen an available or age appropriate single person in years. I think you're lucky you even see single people you'd want to date! That's how I feel too. I definitely would move. Why be stuck somewhere if you're not happy being single and you're not even meeting anyone? My friend, your situation can't be as bad as mine. I live in a Muslim country which is predominantly Muslims (60%), that leaves 30% (only) of my chances to meet someone who is a Non-Muslim because the other 10% are Hindus and I'm not interested to go down that road. Also because my country is so multi cultured, everyone speaks different languages and dialects. We are too divided. It's easy for you to move, will not be easy for me because of my country's background.
Author iris219 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 The question is, are you doing as much as you could be doing to meet men? I always recommend the website meetup.com. It has thousands of interest groups searchable by zip code. If there is a decent population in your area there are probably some groups, and many of them specialize in exactly the age you are. I would suggest you should be going to something like this 2-3 times per week. The next question is, do you have a larger or different metropolitan area within reasonable driving distance? It may be unpleasant, but it is possible to drive up to one hour or so to expand your social horizons. You could at least try this to see if the different location helps. If you did you could then be more confident that moving will help. Finally, if you really do decide to move, this map may help: http://www.creativeclass.com/whos_your_city/maps/#The_Singles_Map Best of luck, Scott Honestly, I don’t know if I’m doing as much as I could be. I have friends, but I haven’t made any new friends in a long time. I should start doing new things and meeting new people, but this is hard. Since many people my age are married with kids, it’s hard to meet people who want to/are able to go out. Meetup.com is a good idea. I'm going to browse their groups and see what looks interesting. There needs to be a map that shows singles between 30 and 45. The age range on that map is 20-64. Many people in their early 20’s are single and older people are single as well (where I live, at least--the singles here are really young or really old.).
musemaj11 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 That's how I feel too. I definitely would move. Why be stuck somewhere if you're not happy being single and you're not even meeting anyone? My friend, your situation can't be as bad as mine. I live in a Muslim country which is predominantly Muslims (60%), that leaves 30% (only) of my chances to meet someone who is a Non-Muslim because the other 10% are Hindus and I'm not interested to go down that road. Also because my country is so multi cultured, everyone speaks different languages and dialects. We are too divided. It's easy for you to move, will not be easy for me because of my country's background. Are you Malaysian?
Scottdmw Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Honestly, I don’t know if I’m doing as much as I could be. I have friends, but I haven’t made any new friends in a long time. I should start doing new things and meeting new people, but this is hard. Since many people my age are married with kids, it’s hard to meet people who want to/are able to go out. Meetup.com is a good idea. I'm going to browse their groups and see what looks interesting. There needs to be a map that shows singles between 30 and 45. The age range on that map is 20-64. Many people in their early 20’s are single and older people are single as well (where I live, at least--the singles here are really young or really old.). If you really want the age specific data you can dig through this site: http://www.censusscope.org/us/chart_age.html I know it can be hard to get out of the house, but it's really important if you want to meet someone. You have already checked your circle of current friends, so barring a chance meeting in a grocery store or something you really have very little chance of meeting someone new in your current situation. Even if you move, you will most likely have to get out of the house to some interest groups or something like that in order to meet this age demographic. It's just not easy like it was in your early 20s. Speaking from experience, there are single men in their 30s at some of these groups. Scott
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I don't know that I would move for this reason, but I have lived in quite a few different cities in the US and abroad, and I have found that, for me, some cities are far more conducive to meeting great men than others.
Woggle Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Big cities for the most part have become yuppie, narcissist playgrounds so it is very hard for anybody man or woman to meet somebody if they are looking for more than casual. Maybe people here can look online. There might be people in your area in the same boat as you are but aren't out there and flashy.
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