Strip clubs.

[Kelemort]

In September, one of my cousins was getting married and as part of that, they were going to go to a strip club. They invited my boyfriend along for the ride. For something like that, I don't care - but I also know he's not the type to touch/grope and that he's uncomfortable with public displays of sexuality. I wouldn't want him to touch a stripper.

 

I wouldn't want him to go JUST BECAUSE - but even if he did, as long as it were rare, I wouldn't mind. Maybe once a year or so tops.

 

He looks at porn and sometimes in front of me. Sometimes we'll go through images of women in lingerie or something like that and describe what we like about it. I should add that I'm bisexual, so I get something out of it too. Ideally, he'll look at it in front of me only twice a week or so. When it's prolonged and every night (as it has been at times), I wax a little irritated and jealous. Just because he could be showing that kind of interest in MY body more often.

 

He's very bad at discreetly checking out other women...I mostly just laugh at it now. As long as he's not going to say anything about it to me, I pretend not to see it. I'm sure he's caught me checking guys out too, but I think it's just respectful not to go on and on about it.

 

It helps that my s/o is also cheap when it comes to the strip club stuff. He didn't end up going to the strip club for the bachelor party because they were going to a very low-class one (one where I later learned the strippers were full-on offering OTHER services). My boyfriend said, "I just don't get the point. I'm paying a girl to pretend to like me? It just seems dumb and uncomfortable."

[J200]

Sally4sara, u misunderstood me. The power comes from the ability to pay, not telling the guy what to do. Its financial power. Feminism to me is about making so money you can pay for it. Its about money; earning more money than most guys. Economic power.

 

I I get pleasure from making money and outearning men.

Edited April 22, 2011 by J200

[chrissylee]

I would be beyond pissed if he went to a strip club. There is no reason why someone in a committed relationship should go see random naked strangers dancing for them. The thought of some stripper touching my bf makes me sick.

 

My dislike for strip clubs has nothing at all to do with trust. I trust that he would not sleep with a stripper or try anything with her. I just find the thought of him watching those girls and having them touch him to try to get him to buy lap dance disgusting.

[MissJoness]

Some of the men are clearly lying through their teeth when they say the strippers just dance and go home--HUGE LIE. lol I used to live in a residential area that had a lot of strip clubs, and it was pretty much common knowledge that prostitution was going on--in fact some of the strips clubs were on the local newstation for running a prostitution ring. One of my ex boyfriend's best friend, had gotten thrown out of a strip club because he accepted oral sex from one of the dancers but refused to pay. They even have something called the "Champagne Room" where men can go into the back of the club and get serviced for a fee. So yeah, there is a good chance that your man could be having sex with some of the women at these clubs which is why I do not think any man who is in a commited relationship/marriage should be there.

[willma]

This is simply to stir the pot and stimulate conversation, but there appears to be a lot of distrust amongst the women responders. Let's flip it around. If the women out there were asked to go to a male strip show, do you think that your husbands/boyfriends would trust you? Do you women think you could trust yourselves and contain your behavior?

[J200]

This is simply to stir the pot and stimulate conversation, but there appears to be a lot of distrust amongst the women responders. Let's flip it around. If the women out there were asked to go to a male strip show, do you think that your husbands/boyfriends would trust you? Do you women think you could trust yourselves and contain your behavior?

 

My ex told me it was abnormal for me to go because I am a woman and that's not what women do but that it was ok for him. He told me no women go there. That was his excuse.

[chrissylee]

This is simply to stir the pot and stimulate conversation, but there appears to be a lot of distrust amongst the women responders. Let's flip it around. If the women out there were asked to go to a male strip show, do you think that your husbands/boyfriends would trust you? Do you women think you could trust yourselves and contain your behavior?

 

I have no desire to go see random strangers dance around naked. I would get nothing out of it. I find it sad and disgusting and I would rather just see my bf naked.

[threebyfate]

Went to a ladies night many, many years ago with friends, just to see what it was like. One of my friends brought her knitting since she'd already seen one before. Wish I had brought a book. It was unbelievably silly and so not erotic. Sorry guys but gyrating while whipping your love stick around is beyond hilarious!

[Tayla]

Went to a ladies night many, many years ago with friends, just to see what it was like. One of my friends brought her knitting since she'd already seen one before. Wish I had brought a book. It was unbelievably silly and so not erotic. Sorry guys but gyrating while whipping your love stick around is beyond hilarious!

 

As a Lady, I concur.

 

Sadly I have been in different gender strip clubs and can say the men viewing the shows are less verbal and more subdued. The females that go to the male strip clubs are an embarressment to my gender. Since when do we hoot and howl???, geesh get educated....

 

A famous (now closed) club in Buckhead (atlanta) had the infamous champagne rooms so yeah they do exist and yeah extra services are given to the High paying clients ( which is partly why it got closed down). AN incident happened while a bunch of us guys.girls were out visiting. A Stripper whispered in the one guys ear and he said to her NO Thank you, when she kept gyrating in front of him he asked her to move as he was waiting for the main floor show that they had on stage, she yelled for the bouncer and proclaimed he owned her 50$ for her dance. He said he never asked for the dance and instead told her to move out of the way, the bouncer told us all to fork up the 50 bucks or we had to leave. We paid but I will not forget how shady that place was in how they got money out of patrons.

[dreamingoftigers]

This is simply to stir the pot and stimulate conversation, but there appears to be a lot of distrust amongst the women responders. Let's flip it around. If the women out there were asked to go to a male strip show, do you think that your husbands/boyfriends would trust you? Do you women think you could trust yourselves and contain your behavior?

 

Went to a ladies night many, many years ago with friends, just to see what it was like. One of my friends brought her knitting since she'd already seen one before. Wish I had brought a book. It was unbelievably silly and so not erotic. Sorry guys but gyrating while whipping your love stick around is beyond hilarious!

 

Truly truly deep in my heart, the very idea pretty much grosses me out. I like a guy that is fun in bed but not one that makes a ridiculous spectacle out of himself. So embarassed for those guys, have never been to a male strip club, (or a female one for that matter). I will likely never, ever go. As if women would ever need to pay to see a guy naked anyways!

[Woggle]

Most of these men are gay anyway. In both strip clubs most of the time they are selling a fantasy that can never be true.

[Entropy3000]

First, I have to qualify my response. I've never been to a strip club. I've been very happily married to the love of my life for 24 years. We have a very open relationship with regards to discussing our fantasies, attractions to others, etc. We've never had anyone else, but us.

 

It's been my observation that people that are in relatively new relationships (less than 10 years) have a tendency to be somewhat distrustful of each other, there is an element of jealousy, and mostly a lot of insecurity. There seems to be a lot of fear of loosing the relationship, so there is often the unhealthy behavior of trying to control the other's behavior, which often back-fires and they loose the relationship.

 

I would agree some people have personality traits that would throw up a lot of red flags with regards to them interacting at a strip club, both male and female. My wife and I are not in that category, so I would totally let her go to a male strip club with her girlfriends...and have. I've seen the video. She had a lot of fun, got a lot of laughs, and came home horny. Win-win situation. I knew she was going to be put in a situation where she would have "hands-on" access to other men, but I also knew she also had enough sense not to engage in behaviors that put her at high risk for STDs. That's my wife. I can't speak for others.

 

I think you have to be at a point in your relationship where you can have an open, honest conversation without letting jealousy and insecurity cause an arguement. If you aren't there yet, then neither of you are probably ready for the sexual temptation that is at a strip club. Tincture of time.

 

Not disagreeing here. What works in your relationship is just fine and I am sure works for many. While you have been married quite some time it does sound like neither of you are savvy about relationships with third parties who could be injected into your marriage. Not being critical here. Long term relationships have their own dynamics. There are real things to be aware of. Proceed at your own gratification and possible peril.

 

BUT IMHO we have to be careful with playing "just the tip". i.e. not create a problem where there is not one by playing around the edges. Don't gamble with anything you do not want to lose. We all have our vulnerable times. It is not a matter of trust. Helping the one we love to not make a mistake that would hurt both of you is not being insecure and it is not being less open. It is placing a high value on the relationship and not taking uneeded risks with it. Risks versus rewards of course.

 

If this works for you great. It would be a deal breaker for me. No gaslighting about insecurity and the rest. I can feel any way I want. I show my wife respect and get it back. It is about the boundaries that we set and agree on in our relationships. I have been married for way more than ten years. My wife has saved me from mistakes I did not realize I was about to make. If she did not love me I would have screwed it all up.

I am absolutely trustworthy. But capable of making wrong choices when I don't realize it so I don't put myself in those circumstances ... any longer. I have learned.

 

We need to be careful when even in a well meaning way expand some boundaries and encorage our partners horizons. I am talking about going into this stuff with eyes wide open and not like the movie "eyes wide shut". Encouraging our wives to "handle willys" because they might have a bit of fun and bring some added excitement into a long term relationship is a gamble and especially so for a couple without a lot of experience with other relationships. Wives handling some other guys junk can lead to hjs, bjs, being spewed on and so on. Again it is not about trust. That is very naive. I hope this continues to work for you and it may. I am not picking on what you are saying but for the possible beneift of someone else considering this, I offer words of caution. Tough love if you wish. Also it sounds like the two of you got a real kick out of this. When is the next time? What more exciting adventures now? It does not have to go that way, but could. A one time thing maybe? Ok, but gee whiz this is fun. Why would she not do this again and again? She did not know what she was missing perhaps. Surely now if another opportunity comes up she can let you know later knowing you approve. Maybe on a trip to Vegas her friends could have a private party.

 

Now onto the control aspects. I think I am hearing it was something your wife was ready to opt out of but only went through with with your urging. Even urging her to par-take up close and personal. Some men control their women into doing things like this to help spice up a marriage. It works both ways. If a wife wanted to indulge in this and was told that it did not fit into your agreed upon boundaries then you would have a right to object. Especially since you do not par-take in this type of activity. That is not controlling. But my point is if you really were not ok with this you should not go along with it for fear of being controlling. It is either acceptable or it is not. For our purposes you were fine with it. I do agree in that if she had a real compulsion to do this and would have done it with or without considering your feelings then there would be a problem. Controlling would not be the root cause. I would be concerned about what might be a fantasy turning into something more important that our relationship.

[Entropy3000]

First, I have to qualify my response. I've never been to a strip club. I've been very happily married to the love of my life for 24 years. We have a very open relationship with regards to discussing our fantasies, attractions to others, etc. We've never had anyone else, but us.

 

It's been my observation that people that are in relatively new relationships (less than 10 years) have a tendency to be somewhat distrustful of each other, there is an element of jealousy, and mostly a lot of insecurity. There seems to be a lot of fear of loosing the relationship, so there is often the unhealthy behavior of trying to control the other's behavior, which often back-fires and they loose the relationship.

 

I would agree some people have personality traits that would throw up a lot of red flags with regards to them interacting at a strip club, both male and female. My wife and I are not in that category, so I would totally let her go to a male strip club with her girlfriends...and have. I've seen the video. She had a lot of fun, got a lot of laughs, and came home horny. Win-win situation. I knew she was going to be put in a situation where she would have "hands-on" access to other men, but I also knew she also had enough sense not to engage in behaviors that put her at high risk for STDs. That's my wife. I can't speak for others.

 

I think you have to be at a point in your relationship where you can have an open, honest conversation without letting jealousy and insecurity cause an arguement. If you aren't there yet, then neither of you are probably ready for the sexual temptation that is at a strip club. Tincture of time.

 

Not disagreeing here. What works in your relationship is just fine and I am sure works for many. While you have been married quite some time it does sound like neither of you are savvy about relationships with third parties who could be injected into your marriage. Not being critical here. Long term relationships have their own dynamics. There are real things to be aware of. Proceed at your own gratification and possible peril.

 

BUT IMHO we have to be careful with playing "just the tip". i.e. not create a problem where there is not one by playing around the edges. Don't gamble with anything you do not want to lose. We all have our vulnerable times. It is not a matter of trust. Helping the one we love to not make a mistake that would hurt both of you is not being insecure and it is not being less open. It is placing a high value on the relationship and not taking uneeded risks with it. Risks versus rewards of course.

 

If this works for you great. It would be a deal breaker for me. No gaslighting about insecurity and the rest. I can feel any way I want. I show my wife respect and get it back. It is about the boundaries that we set and agree on in our relationships. I have been married for way more than ten years. My wife has saved me from mistakes I did not realize I was about to make. If she did not love me I would have screwed it all up.

I am absolutely trustworthy. But capable of making wrong choices when I don't realize it so I don't put myself in those circumstances ... any longer. I have learned.

 

We need to be careful when even in a well meaning way expand some boundaries and encorage our partners horizons. I am talking about going into this stuff with eyes wide open and not like the movie "eyes wide shut". Encouraging our wives to "handle willys" because they might have a bit of fun and bring some added excitement into a long term relationship is a gamble and especially so for a couple without a lot of experience with other relationships. Wives handling some other guys junk can lead to hjs, bjs, being spewed on and so on. Again it is not about trust. That is very naive. I hope this continues to work for you and it may. I am not picking on what you are saying but for the possible beneift of someone else considering this, I offer words of caution. Tough love if you wish. Also it sounds like the two of you got a real kick out of this. When is the next time? What more exciting adventures now? It does not have to go that way, but could. A one time thing maybe? Ok, but gee whiz this is fun. Why would she not do this again and again? She did not know what she was missing perhaps. Surely now if another opportunity comes up she can let you know later knowing you approve. Maybe on a trip to Vegas her friends could have a private party.

 

Now onto the control aspects. I think I am hearing it was something your wife was ready to opt out of but only went through with with your urging. Even urging her to par-take up close and personal. Some men control their women into doing things like this to help spice up a marriage. It works both ways. If a wife wanted to indulge in this and was told that it did not fit into your agreed upon boundaries then you would have a right to object. Especially since you do not par-take in this type of activity. That is not controlling. But my point is if you really were not ok with this you should not go along with it for fear of being controlling. It is either acceptable or it is not. For our purposes you were fine with it. I do agree in that if she had a real compulsion to do this and would have done it with or without considering your feelings then there would be a problem. Controlling would not be the root cause. I would be concerned about what might be a fantasy turning into something more important that our relationship.

 

I am only exaggerating my comments for emphasis and do appreciate your comment at the end as this is not for everyone. Good luck!!

[Entropy3000]

Oh honey! You can tell a guy exactly what you want for free. Hell, there are even guys who will pay YOU (quite a bit too) to tell them what you want.

 

I've never seen (only went to one male revue show as a viewer) women give BJs at male reviews. And I've never heard any of the male dancers who work at my agency report having received one. But it was a strict agency when it came to illegal activities. So if it was offered, they'd probably have turned it down rather than risk the agency not giving them bookings anymore.

I am aware though that the guys at that agency had even more trouble with disrespectful viewers on average than the women usually did. Mostly down to the general belief that guys ALWAYS want sexual attention from any woman they can get it from. This just isn't true. Not to mention a decent portion of them were gay! But some of the female viewers believed that and would grab, pinch, spank at them, try to entice them to hook up after the show. Some would even get creepily fixated on one dancer in particular and follow them to every advertised show they would be booked for trying to get the guy as a BF. These kind of female viewers were not the majority by far, but they were always the loudest and most obnoxious group in the crowd. Mixed shows with one stage didn't do well when the men performed first. The women patrons didn't stick around if the second set was the female one and the venue would make less in alcohol sales. Plus, watching the men enjoy themselves and be crass while they waited made them ham it up and tip better for the male dancers.

Security was, overall, more tolerant of them than they were when men tried to get that way with us girls.

 

The reason for this was the security was hired by the female review dancers, and could be fired by them if they didn't do their job. They would sometimes double for the male dancers, but couldn't be fired by the male dancers. Some of the male dancers didn't feel the need for security since they were stronger than their viewers and if it came down to it could handle a freak or two on their own. Male dancers also make much less and since they were compensating security staff with a percentage of tips, they got what they could pay for. Security generally waited for the situation to get really out of control before they stepped in when they were bouncing for a male dancer.

 

The bolded part is very true.

 

I think one difference in the dynamic is that female strippers do not in general want anything but the money.

 

Some male strippers want the money but they also want the power and the sex. Hot chicks no doubt. I would say the big prize is the one with the wedding rings. Great sport for them. All the greater reward. And sure maybe some are just that starved for affection or sexual satisfaction. But in the Darwin competition nothing much beats out getting one of these ladys to choose you over the guy she has been married to. For sure there is zero respect happening here.

[Entropy3000]

Went to a ladies night many, many years ago with friends, just to see what it was like. One of my friends brought her knitting since she'd already seen one before. Wish I had brought a book. It was unbelievably silly and so not erotic. Sorry guys but gyrating while whipping your love stick around is beyond hilarious!

 

The shows are different now

[sanskrit]

The irony with all the controversy about strip clubs and relationships is that if your man is going to strip clubs, it's almost a certainty that he isn't cheating. Real sex in every corner bar is such a commodity these days that if someone had a mind to be unfaithful, the LAST place they would go would be a strip club. And someone with extracurricular activities would simply go and hook up with their OM/OW as opposed to going to a strip club.

[Pfiend101]

It's not even about trusting a guy not to cheat on you, and it's not about anything with my current relationship. It's just...why, if you're regularly getting it good in the bedroom, and with the infinite amount of free s*it you could see on the internet anyway, would you spend money just to have some stranger give you a lapdance? Or just to see a random next-to-naked girl twirl around a pole? Why would you pay for that little bit when you've got more than that from someone you love, who loves you--and at no cost?

 

It just boggles my mind. I had asked my brother those questions during the conversation we had and he couldn't really give me an answer. I guess I had given him something to think about.

 

I dont see how going out once and awhile with the guys to one is a big deal.

 

It's pretty common for a bachelor party to go to a strip club and pay for the guy getting married to get a few dances. I get why women would feel jealous or insecure about it though.

 

You have to be very wealthy to hookup with a stripper most guys know that... Its more of a guys only kind of deal where ya just hang out.

 

There was recently a poster on here that was grinding with other guys at the club and her BF got upset and she couldn't see why. Yet she had a problem with him going to the strip club.

 

If its not ok with you you need to tell him and not saying that you would dancing with other guys is not ok for you to do then.

[vsmini]

I don't like the idea of my boyfriend going to a strip club. I know his personality and I think he would be mortified if a stripper came near him. No - he's not an alien and I'm sure he would be attracted to a beautiful naked girl - but the situation would probably skeeze him out. That being said - he knows if he gets a lap dance we're going to have an issue. I'm aware that I don't own him but I am not comfortable with a naked girl grinding her butt on my boyfriend's erection. This does not make me insecure or controlling.

 

Also - let it be known....I don't finish what some other broad was paid to start. So don't come home thinking you'll be sleeping in my bed.

[lino]

The irony with all the controversy about strip clubs and relationships is that if your man is going to strip clubs, it's almost a certainty that he isn't cheating. Real sex in every corner bar is such a commodity these days that if someone had a mind to be unfaithful, the LAST place they would go would be a strip club. And someone with extracurricular activities would simply go and hook up with their OM/OW as opposed to going to a strip club.

 

True!

 

You have every right to feel this way as long as you follow the same standard yourself and are faithful to him.

 

I agree.