jeweleestar Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I feel like I need to come clean with someone and hate having to admit that I have to start NC all over again. I was doing well and then it seems that he has some innate sense of when I am at my lowest and that is when the text with his number pops up on my phone (there is no way to block the number, I can just delete the contact). Unfortunately, I was at a point where I was feeling bad for myself and replied. It is amazing how a few text messages can send your world upside down. I spent the past few days reflecting about the truths of the situation and that I deserve so much more than what he feels I deserve. I know that we all have our moments of weakness, but I just wish that I didn't have to have them hurt so bad. I realize that I cannot excuse his behavior, these are all decisions that he has the ability to make the right choice about. But, it seems like he wants it all without any of the responsibilities. So, I had to start over and am on Day 4 of NC. I know that I will not respond, and can even delete them without reading them, but the bitchy side of me just wants to send a text back each time saying "still married?" He doesn't even deserve my thoughts, but unfortunately he still gets them. Hopefully, he won't have them very long.
whichwayisup Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Okay...I think it's worth changing your phone number. Even if it costs some $$ to do so. If you want NC, do EVERYTHING possible to make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to contact you.
Author jeweleestar Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 I have thought about it, but it is the only phone that I use and I use it for both work and personal use. I don't want to change something that is mine over some jerk that isn't worth the effort that would cause. I just have to work on making myself stronger so that if his number does pop up, regardless of how I am feeling it becomes automatic for me to hit close and delete. I think that is possible I don't ever remember being like this before. I don't know what makes him so different. I get there were a lot of promises made that I believed, but I am better than this. thanks for your thoughts...
Flabbergaster Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Many phones apparently have third party applications that can block phone numbers. Ideal woudl probably be something where he thinks it went through...but it did not. I think SOME phone companies give you this ability, but charge for it.
26pointblue Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 There's a free phone block application you can get from Blackberry Apps if you have a Blackberry. It's called Black List I think. I know where you're at & I think that remembering what you deserve is key. I think my xMM thought I should just sit around & wait on him & be patient. He would tell me he needs me but he didn't care about what I needed. It's like they think they're entitled. I'm not trying to say this to be mean about them but I think it's just the attitude they seem to sometimes have. Well we are the single ones [if you are a single xOW that is] & we can't waste our precious time waiting on these MMs to make up their minds & really give us what we deserve. It's just not worth it & that's what we have to remember. I think the hardest thing is really getting over them. I think that because of the nature of the situation we are prone to hold onto it more & let it affect us more . . . but as with any break-up I am just trying to move on & get to a place where I can be ready to be with someone besides xMM [don't know when that will be]. Good luck. Stay strong.
fooled once Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I feel like I need to come clean with someone and hate having to admit that I have to start NC all over again. I was doing well and then it seems that he has some innate sense of when I am at my lowest and that is when the text with his number pops up on my phone (there is no way to block the number, I can just delete the contact). Unfortunately, I was at a point where I was feeling bad for myself and replied. It is amazing how a few text messages can send your world upside down. I spent the past few days reflecting about the truths of the situation and that I deserve so much more than what he feels I deserve. I know that we all have our moments of weakness, but I just wish that I didn't have to have them hurt so bad. I realize that I cannot excuse his behavior, these are all decisions that he has the ability to make the right choice about. But, it seems like he wants it all without any of the responsibilities. So, I had to start over and am on Day 4 of NC. I know that I will not respond, and can even delete them without reading them, but the bitchy side of me just wants to send a text back each time saying "still married?" He doesn't even deserve my thoughts, but unfortunately he still gets them. Hopefully, he won't have them very long. You do deserve so much more. I am glad you are seeing that. IMHO, I firmly believe we learn the most for those lessons that hurt the most. Day 4 - woo hoo! Keep it up. You are doing really good. One day at at time. It will start to hurt less the more time and distance you put between him and you. Remember that each time he reaches out to you, it is to stroke HIS ego. He knows you are hurting and he has done that; yet he continues to reach out. That is a crappy thing for him to do for his own selfish reasons. I hope you can start to feel good about YOU soon. Take time each day to something JUST FOR YOU!!! Good luck!
Author jeweleestar Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 There's a free phone block application you can get from Blackberry Apps if you have a Blackberry. It's called Black List I think. I know where you're at & I think that remembering what you deserve is key. I think my xMM thought I should just sit around & wait on him & be patient. He would tell me he needs me but he didn't care about what I needed. It's like they think they're entitled. I'm not trying to say this to be mean about them but I think it's just the attitude they seem to sometimes have. Well we are the single ones [if you are a single xOW that is] & we can't waste our precious time waiting on these MMs to make up their minds & really give us what we deserve. It's just not worth it & that's what we have to remember. I think the hardest thing is really getting over them. I think that because of the nature of the situation we are prone to hold onto it more & let it affect us more . . . but as with any break-up I am just trying to move on & get to a place where I can be ready to be with someone besides xMM [don't know when that will be]. Good luck. Stay strong. Those two things really hit home. As much as I wanted it to work, he really didn't want it to work. I am single, so I had to hear how much easier it was for me and things weren't that simple. My thought now is, if you were not married that is one way that it wouldn't be so difficult. What gets me is that he pursued me. I was able to hold him off for about 6 weeks. I really did not want to be the OW. But those damn moments of weakness seem to bite us in the butts every time. Now, I just have to forgive myself for my part in this and know that I have every control in not making the same mistake again. So I am hoping that I can say wow, I made it a week. Take a deep breath and know that I deserve so much more than what I feel right now.
Hazyhead Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Okay...I think it's worth changing your phone number. Even if it costs some $$ to do so. If you want NC, do EVERYTHING possible to make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to contact you. This is a good idea. It's what I did and yes, though it was a hassle to contact everyone, it was a hassle that was over very quickly and now I don't regret it at all - there is no more tiny 'Hope it's not him' when the phone beeps. Day 4 NC, well done don't beat yourself up for caving. It happens. Just focus now on what's best for you and act accordingly. If that's NC, which to me seems like a good idea, then busy yourself up. Fill your time and your head with distractions. Day-by-day it will get easier and when the weak moment comes, post here. Good luck!
Author jeweleestar Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Day 6-- feeling a little better, not so negative and overwhelmed, realizing that it is my life and I have control over what I am willing to accept. This is all good and how I am feeling right now, but I know that it can change, but I have been very good about journaling my thoughts and trying to push the negativity away and not let it consume me. I appreciate the support that I am getting here. I know that many people say to change my number, but part of my conviction in not doing so is that I don't want to have to change something that is part of my identity because some man thinks it is ok to act like an ass. So, I will push through the pain if his number does pop up (it hasn't since last weekend so that makes it a little easier) and know that I am in control of me and my personal effects and he CANNOT make me change them. I think I use it more as a mind control issue than making it impossible for him to get in touch with me. It amazes me how different the feelings are in this type of relationship than the other relationships I have been in. This was a first for me and am truly shocked with how hard it is for me to process this. I realize that in my other relationships, where there were just two of us :-), I was not always having to question so many things. That third person in the relationship, which I realize is me-I am the third person in an already established relationship, requires that honesty, commitment, and openness take a back seat to the feelings of desire. Again, thanks for the support of my LS friends. I am making it, and I will make it. I know I have had a bumpy ride and it is not over, but I feel that I finally have both hands on the wheel and am not so likely to fall off.
Author jeweleestar Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 hi. i hope you get stronger each day. seems like you are on the right path. Thanks! It's a bumpy path that seems to be full of twists and turns, but I am hoping to stay the course. I have learned a lot on this journey and was surprised at the many ways I was willing to compromise the things I believed in for him. I shouldn't have to do that for anyone. I have my moments of sappyness where I want it to be good, but it takes two good people to want this to work out and that just wasn't the case. After today I will have completed one week of NC. I find myself having more anger right now than thoughts of longing. As much as I want to tell him off, there will be nothing good that comes out from that.
JadedAmore Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Thanks! It's a bumpy path that seems to be full of twists and turns, but I am hoping to stay the course. I have learned a lot on this journey and was surprised at the many ways I was willing to compromise the things I believed in for him. I shouldn't have to do that for anyone. I have my moments of sappyness where I want it to be good, but it takes two good people to want this to work out and that just wasn't the case. After today I will have completed one week of NC. I find myself having more anger right now than thoughts of longing. As much as I want to tell him off, there will be nothing good that comes out from that. Congrats on making it one week! You will still have lots of ups and downs, but as time progresses the downs will be fewer and father in between. Keep yourself busy! While I do think it's okay to hold onto some of the memories, after all it is a learning experience, if thoughts of him and longing creep into your mind redirect, redirect, redirect! You will get there, LS is a great support system not only just to get your own feelings out there but to help others going through similar experiences. Good luck!
Recommended Posts