Igoring my emotional needs i think he has a crush on a coworker

[loveheart]

I have been married for 21 yrs. I was almost 18 when we married he was 6 yrs older than me.Since then I feel as though i have been chasing him and this has made me very insecure.When we are around another female that he finds attractive i know it because he does little things to let them know hes intereasted,like opening their side of the car to let them in and not mine.Later i developed multiple sclerosis and by now we have 3 children ages 10-20 at home in school.I developed anxiety over the years and for the past three it has been severe.I see a therapist when i can drive to see her and take medicine that really isnt helping me.Three years ago i felt he was having an affair because he had all the symptoms of it and i drowned in sorrow.I have no job and no self esteem left.Theres more involved but the present problem is that he acts like i get on his nerves since his new job and he has a new male co worker friend whom he went to see to work on a truck that he took to his house on a saturday morning and didnt even tell me he was leaving, i was asleep.There is a secretary at his work that is his age and married but i think he has a crush on her because he acts like he wants me to be more tanned and asked me about some moles on my neck and sugested i get them removed.She called him and he got very nervous and short to her with his reply and she never called back. Now the guys text him to give him work messages instead of her at 6 am.( and she was asking him to do her a favor and call some other co workers to give them the same message but its her job and there isnt but like 3 other employees.)Since then hes gradually been non supporting to my anxiety hateful uptight and when i ask him why he acts like i get on his nerves he says THERES NOTHING WRONG.Gradually i couldnt have sex with him because that was diminishing as well so i figured i better not get to close for fear he might hurt me even more.Its been a month and he wont initiate sex unless i get upset over it and then i dont even want it. Im over it I was really fighting my anxiety and trying to not lean on him and he acts as if he cant tolerate me.I am furious and want a divorce, by the way he knows we need counseling and he doesnt attempt to go.He acts like he wants me to be calm all the time and lower my voice when im talking and i feel like hes comparing me to someone else.I think hes just over me yet he wont admit it because he knows I am fragile.What should i do.

Edited April 21, 2011 by loveheart