a year since break up pain resurfaced

[danny1972]

me and my ex split over a year ago, we both drank to much which inverably lead to a break up. we had split before and this time history repeated its self

 

i see her sometimes as she lives just down the road which delays the healing process ,she has had about 4 boyfriends since the split none of them worked out ,she has issues from the past and i knew this was going to be an unhealthy one but i entered in to it eyes wide open

 

funny thing is we get on really well without alcohol and have so much potential ,over xmas i thought we were getting somewhere but she found it hard to try again so nothing really materialized,i have said to her if we can deal with the issues that caused the break up get some help we can do this ,she said she cant go through that again , i think she has feelings still maybe its for the best i dont know , she is currently seeking councilling for her previous issues she was raped .but still goes out gets drunk and puts her self in danger.

 

everytime i see her feelings come flooding back we have met a few times only to talk about finances we have a joint loan etc...had a couple of drinks get on well but thats it .

 

she has never initiated contact once since our split its always been me as an exuse to get back together , she keeps saying the same thing she cant go through that again, i need to initiate no contact ...just dont think im strong enough

[Empath]

Hello Danny, you really do need to initate no contact, and here's why:

 

The threads which unite you are not healthy ones. At the moment you are invariably associated with things she may find painful, be it alcohol, a breakup or anything else which she may wish to change.

 

You need to break this association and make her see you again for the first time.

 

By distancing yourself you will begin to reset your own self-image and her image of you. The imperative thing is that you shake things up a bit. Change for the better, get on with your life and rebuild your confidence and happiness.

 

NC should not be feared in that it may drive a loved one away. In this case as long as you contact each other you will conjure painful memories, whether they still actually persist or not. Click that large red reset button called NC and clear your head.

[danny1972]

thank you empath ,wise words ,starting today strictly n/c ,no text calls and avoid her hang outs, i just needed some encouragment and to hear it from someone else , thank you.