strawberrysweet Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Okay, I'm 23, my boyfriend is 24. We should not have any problems in the sex department, we're both young and healthy. Well, for about the first 6 months we lived together, I didn't notice a problem. It was great. Then I started to notice that he couldn't "rise to the occasion" anymore, if you know what I mean. He'd come up with a new excuse every time he couldn't perform, ranging from, "I'm under too much pressure" to "Sorry, I played with myself in the shower earlier and I'm still tired". Finally, I got SICK of it and threatened to kick him out, and he went to stay at a hotel for a night. I was just tired of the excuses and jumped to the wrong conclusions, thinking he was having an affair or didn't find me attractive anymore. WELL...get this. The night he went to the hotel, I snooped through his stuff. I know it's wrong, really, I do. But I had this horrible gut feeling, and he wasn't giving me ANY answers. Guess what I found? A bottle of Viagra shoved in a duffel bag in his closet and multiple prescriptions for the drug, starting back when he was only 19. I freaked out! I confronted him about it, and of course he was pissed I looked through his stuff, but he told me that he suffers from a prostate problem, they're not sure what the deal is, and they prescribed him the Viagra to be used only when he has problems with getting hard. If that were just the case, then I could accept it, but I've found porn on his computer, and not just normal amounts of porn. He was looking at it every single day for hours upon hours, and some of it is NOT kosher. I won't get into details, but I'm sure you can imagine. I asked him if he had ever taken the meds when he didn't need to, and he admitted that, yes, he abuses the drug to enjoy looking at porn. What do I do? Should I even deal with this? Has anyone else had this problem? I'm about to pull my hair out. Porn addiction and Viagra at 24, I just feel like I'm too young to be dealing with this.
purplepanda Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 WOW...I am so sorry. I would suggest seeing a counselor if you're really serious about this guy (I'm thinking you are) and if you see yourself with him in the future. If it were me, though I'd probably give in to counseling, I'd seriously think about the whole relationship. Why wouldn't he tell you something so serious? It'd freak me out, and honestly hurt my feelings and make me feel as if I wasn't important enough. He needs some form of professional help. Good luck.
notuneak Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I have nothing against porn, but porn addicts are different. They use porn so much that a real woman doesn't appeal to them. They have to have more and more kinky things. I would move on.
Timmeh Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Okay, I'm 23, my boyfriend is 24. We should not have any problems in the sex department, we're both young and healthy. Well, for about the first 6 months we lived together, I didn't notice a problem. It was great. Then I started to notice that he couldn't "rise to the occasion" anymore, if you know what I mean. He'd come up with a new excuse every time he couldn't perform, ranging from, "I'm under too much pressure" to "Sorry, I played with myself in the shower earlier and I'm still tired". Finally, I got SICK of it and threatened to kick him out, and he went to stay at a hotel for a night. I was just tired of the excuses and jumped to the wrong conclusions, thinking he was having an affair or didn't find me attractive anymore. WELL...get this. The night he went to the hotel, I snooped through his stuff. I know it's wrong, really, I do. But I had this horrible gut feeling, and he wasn't giving me ANY answers. Guess what I found? A bottle of Viagra shoved in a duffel bag in his closet and multiple prescriptions for the drug, starting back when he was only 19. I freaked out! I confronted him about it, and of course he was pissed I looked through his stuff, but he told me that he suffers from a prostate problem, they're not sure what the deal is, and they prescribed him the Viagra to be used only when he has problems with getting hard. If that were just the case, then I could accept it, but I've found porn on his computer, and not just normal amounts of porn. He was looking at it every single day for hours upon hours, and some of it is NOT kosher. I won't get into details, but I'm sure you can imagine. I asked him if he had ever taken the meds when he didn't need to, and he admitted that, yes, he abuses the drug to enjoy looking at porn. What do I do? Should I even deal with this? Has anyone else had this problem? I'm about to pull my hair out. Porn addiction and Viagra at 24, I just feel like I'm too young to be dealing with this. Yes. My brother has this problem. Sometimes the prostate won't get rid of sperm and it causes it to inflate, and get infected. Because of this the penis can't get really get errect without the help of Viagra. The only way to get rid of the sperm is to have a lot of sex, and or masterbate a bunch. He could be in pain, and that is maybe why he masterbates during the day? It still sounds strange that he won't have sex with you. Maybe he has become addicted to porn?
Author strawberrysweet Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Yes, this is my fear, that he has become addicted to porn. Because the kind of porn he looks at involves things that I could never be physically or want to do. If that makes any sense...in my opinion, the kind of porn he looks at is degrading, and I could never do it and still have respect for myself. He likes looking at things such as women being choked with string or wire around their neck while being forced to give oral sex. It's just so awful, and that's just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what I found he likes to look at. I know that he needs help, and he said he wants to see a counselor because he feels that his porn addiction has gotten out of control, but I just feel that I'm too young to be dealing with this...it's just so sad because he's such a nice and loving person, but I feel like there are two sides to him....this nice side and his dark side that's really into perverted, disgusting things. I'm starting to wonder if his need for Viagra isn't psychological.
utterer of lies Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Okay, I'm 23, my boyfriend is 24. We should not have any problems in the sex department, we're both young and healthy. Well, for about the first 6 months we lived together, I didn't notice a problem. It was great. Then I started to notice that he couldn't "rise to the occasion" anymore, if you know what I mean. He'd come up with a new excuse every time he couldn't perform, ranging from, "I'm under too much pressure" to "Sorry, I played with myself in the shower earlier and I'm still tired". Finally, I got SICK of it and threatened to kick him out, and he went to stay at a hotel for a night. I was just tired of the excuses and jumped to the wrong conclusions, thinking he was having an affair or didn't find me attractive anymore. WELL...get this. The night he went to the hotel, I snooped through his stuff. I know it's wrong, really, I do. But I had this horrible gut feeling, and he wasn't giving me ANY answers. Guess what I found? A bottle of Viagra shoved in a duffel bag in his closet and multiple prescriptions for the drug, starting back when he was only 19. I freaked out! I confronted him about it, and of course he was pissed I looked through his stuff, but he told me that he suffers from a prostate problem, they're not sure what the deal is, and they prescribed him the Viagra to be used only when he has problems with getting hard. If that were just the case, then I could accept it, but I've found porn on his computer, and not just normal amounts of porn. He was looking at it every single day for hours upon hours, and some of it is NOT kosher. I won't get into details, but I'm sure you can imagine. I asked him if he had ever taken the meds when he didn't need to, and he admitted that, yes, he abuses the drug to enjoy looking at porn. What do I do? Should I even deal with this? Has anyone else had this problem? I'm about to pull my hair out. Porn addiction and Viagra at 24, I just feel like I'm too young to be dealing with this. What's non-kosher porn as opposed to kosher one? But anyway, I guess the real problem is not with sex, but that he doesn't trust you enough to talk to you about this. After 6 months of living together there's supposed to be a certain amount of trust, and if that's missing, the relationship isn't worth anything anyway.
Intricategirl Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 My advice, and you probably don't want to hear it, is to move on. I don't personally have a problem with porn, and without knowing the specifics of what he's looking at, even hardcore porn isn't necessarily the issue. It's that he's putting more into that than he's giving you. I'll admit my bias upfront- my ex-husband used to look at porn, and he had an extremely unusual fetish that I found to be very degrading, and I didn't want to participate in. I would participate from time to time, because it was his thing, but I hated it. Beyond that, he did not want me to participate in it sometimes- he wanted EVERY sexual encounter to involve it. So, it created an impossible situation. He wants all sex to involve that, I wanted no sex to involve that. As a result, the sex became almost non-existent and the marriage became non-existent. At the end of the day, it puts you at odds with each other, and I don't see how a relationship can survive that. Now, that's only one of the problems going on here. Other problems are that you're snooping through his things (because you're distrustful), he's hiding things (which justifies your not being able to trust him), the telling lies to avoid sex, the not talking with each other, etc... He can be a nice, loving guy, but that really doesn't have much to do with it. I know plenty of sweet, loving people that I would never get in a relationship with because we're incompatible. So, you can decide with his full cooperation to work on this and figure out a means for you, knowing that it's going to be one hell of an uphill battle, or you can leave now and find someone who is just as loving, but also compatible and not as much of a struggle.
mitchell Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Do you love this guy or not? Do you want a relationship with him? Do you want to spend your lives together? Only you can decide if you want to expend the effort to correct his problems or if you want to bail out on him and find someone new. He's addicted to porn and is likely masturbating so frequently that it is making him unable to have an erection when it is time to have sex wth you. His need for Viagra may just be a crutch related to his porn and masturbatory abuse. How is the sex when he is able to perform? Is he a loving partner who makes sure you are satisfied? Are you just a sex object for his porn fantasies or does he make sure to pleasure you orally as well as with intercourse?
TheLoneSock Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 This is a fixable problem entirely. But does he want to fix it? And do you even care for him to fix it? Those are the real questions. I wouldn't pay any mind to the other semantics surrounding this.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 These are major issues. He's addicted to porn and a prescription drug, and in a way, he's living a double life. The sad thing is, it will probably take years for him to deal with this and get healthy, if he EVER does.
Author strawberrysweet Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Do you love this guy or not? Do you want a relationship with him? Do you want to spend your lives together? Only you can decide if you want to expend the effort to correct his problems or if you want to bail out on him and find someone new. He's addicted to porn and is likely masturbating so frequently that it is making him unable to have an erection when it is time to have sex wth you. His need for Viagra may just be a crutch related to his porn and masturbatory abuse. How is the sex when he is able to perform? Is he a loving partner who makes sure you are satisfied? Are you just a sex object for his porn fantasies or does he make sure to pleasure you orally as well as with intercourse? Well...now that I found out what he's really into, I never feel like I'm fully satisfying him. I just feel sexually inadequate, and I'm constantly worried that I'm not pleasing him, so sex for me has not been good lately. I think I have to agree with what IntricateGirl is saying...because sexual compatibility is important. And more importantly than that is trust, and I do not trust this guy AT ALL anymore. I also found really graphic pictures of his ex-girlfriend still on his computer, and not just one or two pics, but A LOT of them. So, I don't trust him. Bottom line.
Irishlove Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 If he feels comfortable with you ask if you could sit in with him and his Dr. Could he have pyroni's disease? There are serious issues men can get. Did you see the bottle that the dr prescribed? He may watch porn to excersice it. Don't jump to conclusions until you really understand. good luck
Jynxx Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 OP, your behaviour is beyond unacceptable. Going through his stuff is unacceptable under any circumstances. Going through his personal medical perscriptions or medical records is illegal. Going through his personal computer and looking at his browsing history is immoral and in some parts of the world illegal, and I hope everyone sees that is just wrong. If I found out my girlfriend did any on these things, it would most likely mean the end of the relationship. You crossed the line by violating his privacy and your lack of apologies for your own behaviour makes me doubt you even think it's a big deal. I hope you let this guy go, as he deserves better.
Author strawberrysweet Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 You're right, you are too young to be dealing with that. Move on. He has issues and you cannot 'fix' him. Thank you!
mortensorchid Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Are you absolutely sure that this man has a porn addiction? And are you also absolutely sure that he is taking Viagra for a medical problem verses just wanting a little "extra boost?".
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