havehope Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 (edited) We're not together anymore (his choice). Doesn't want to talk to me until he figures out his life a little. Asked me to give him time and space because he doesn't want to string me along. So what do I do? I practically turned into that crazy ex who calls and texts a million times. I know this isn't the way to get him back - can't imagine life without him. I can't help wanting to say Hi when I wake up, or after lunch say how is your day going, or sleep well. He was there 24/7 before and I can't go cold turkey. Then I say sorry for texting when I know you don't want to talk to me. Its like a daily cycle literally - I text, no response, more texts, still no response. A month ago He asked me to leave him alone... but the next day I sent 5 unanswered texts and then got upset about it How do I rectify myself; how can I have him look at me and think of me as a friend and someone cool to talk to every once and while instead of a psycho ex. I want to hear from him first.. How can I say sorry and have him realize I am sorry, because right now I say sorry but then text the next day so I'm sure he blows off my apologies as fake. But I want to say sorry for real and have him come back. I'm afraid I permanently tarnished his view of me because of this Edited April 21, 2011 by havehope
aypforever Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 What are you sorry for? Isn't he the one that broke up with you? Just don't talk to him for awhile. Right now he's probably happy to see that you keep texting him everyday, because he knows you're still there for him.. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to be there for you in his time of crisis. Not very fair, huh?
Author havehope Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 the whole situation makes me sad - that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore when my urge to talk to him got 100x stronger. I just dont want him to look at me and think "wow shes a psychopath" because I'm not giving him space. I'm gunna try NC I guess - but how can I send a real sorry and mean it this time. and have him realize I'm sorry and not psycho. Email? Letter? (my calls go to straight to vm) how long do I wait to apologize?
aypforever Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Sending sorry things over and over makes you look like a psycho. Again.. what are you being sorry for? For saying sorry? Saying sorry for saying sorry doesn't make it right. He needs his space, give him his space.
Author havehope Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 sorry for all the texts I guess. I hate this.
ilovedhim Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 you need to nc. I too feel like contacting my ex but prefer.to write my rants here. at least the peiole here respond. whatare you sorry for? He dumped you! Left youu by yourself with all these emotions and on top of it is ignoring you! Stop humiliating yourself and looking psycho. Sorry to sound tough but you need to nc immediately and stop feeding his ego. No more contact until he makes a move worthy of you.
Survivor12 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 the whole situation makes me sad - that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore when my urge to talk to him got 100x stronger. I just dont want him to look at me and think "wow shes a psychopath" because I'm not giving him space. I'm gunna try NC I guess - but how can I send a real sorry and mean it this time. and have him realize I'm sorry and not psycho. Email? Letter? (my calls go to straight to vm) how long do I wait to apologize? Sorry, hon, but you need some tough love... If you don't want to be thought of as a psychopath, then stop acting like one! Unfortunately, you already have and anything you do or say now will only reinforce his belief that you are. Do NOT contact him again. He DOES NOT want to hear it and, at this point, he doesn't CARE if you are sorry. He has told you to STOP, to LEAVE HIM ALONE. He can't make it much clearer than that. By continuing to harass him, you are trying to force him to make you feel better about what you have done. That isn't going to happen. The best you can do is to do what he asks and learn to live with your mistakes...and let your silence be your apology. I know it hurts, but until you face the fact that it is OVER, you cannot begin to heal...and that is not something that HE can help you with. It's something that you have to do for yourself. As a matter of fact, I would bet dollars to donuts that much of the pain and desperation that you feel has nothing to do with HIM but with co-dependency and your own inability to deal with rejection. This may be a good time to start looking inward to find out why and how to overcome it. Be kind to yourself.
todd Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 How do I rectify myself; how can I have him look at me and think of me as a friend and someone cool to talk to every once and while instead of a psycho ex. I want to hear from him first.. Sorry to say but you need to stop acting like a psycho ex for one. He said he wants space so give it to him. Take a note from your own sig and let him go. Give him some space and focus on yourself for awhile. You need to get him out of your life for right now. He is not going to think of you as a friend or someone cool to talk to if you are so insecure to be trying to text him dozens of times a day when he specifically told you not to. I know its hard but let him go. Let him go and focus on yourself. You need to get to a point in your life to where you can imagine life without him. You need to start filling your empty time with activities and new friends to hang out with and keep your mind of wanting to text him constantly. Pick up some hobbies, maybe start exercising more to feel better about yourself and pick up your confidence again. Whenever you feel like texting him post on here instead. Do anything but not actually text or call him. Whatever it takes. It is hard but realize that we probably all have gone through something that you currently are doing right now and we are all coming out of it alright. Life moves on, new people come along the way, etc. Good Luck.
Popondetta Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 All dumpees want to contact their ex', but we all realize that it will only make matters worse to keep contacting someone who wants time to themselves. Please start NC immediately!!! You don't have to say sorry to him for anything, just give him the shock of not contacting him. He WILL notice!!! Then, if you really feel like it, send him a short email or letter at a later stage ( in a couple of weeks or something) and say you realize that you both need some time to yourselves to cool down...etc. Don't ever tell him once more that you miss him/need him/are unhappy without him etc. PRETEND to be strong even if you have to fake it!! That will make him see you as a mature, cool and colected person. An ultimately that will make you more attractive (don't get your hopes up, but it will). Good luck!
PinkChic Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't contact him anymore!! I KNOW how hard it is... really. As my 92 year old grandmother said to me today "Sweetheart, now a days with all this texting, cellphones, facebook, etc... how is a man suppose to miss you? A person doesn't miss things until they look behind them and realize they are no longer being chased" I hope you feel better! <3
Author havehope Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) Thanks everyone - tough love or not I know you guys are all here to help each other with one thing; moving on and loving ourselves, and sometimes complete strangers give the best tough love because they really see things objectively. Looking back I can see how desperate I looked in my original post; that I acted a little crazy with the texts and calls... just gave in to all the desires to talk to him instead of trying to be strong. I feel much better and calmer now that I had a good cry session. I still care what he thinks though because he was such an important person in my life and I hope he doesn't think I'm a psycho forever. So here goes... i've been NC for 36hours and haven't texted/called him since baby steps Edited April 22, 2011 by havehope
shapp Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't contact him anymore!! I KNOW how hard it is... really. As my 92 year old grandmother said to me today "Sweetheart, now a days with all this texting, cellphones, facebook, etc... how is a man suppose to miss you? A person doesn't miss things until they look behind them and realize they are no longer being chased" I hope you feel better! <3 i love grandmothers they knows best.
9Lives Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Thanks everyone - tough love or not I know you guys are all here to help each other with one thing; moving on and loving ourselves, and sometimes complete strangers give the best tough love because they really see things objectively. Looking back I can see how desperate I looked in my original post; that I acted a little crazy with the texts and calls... just gave in to all the desires to talk to him instead of trying to be strong. I feel much better and calmer now that I had a good cry session. I still care what he thinks though because he was such an important person in my life and I hope he doesn't think I'm a psycho forever. So here goes... i've been NC for 36hours and haven't texted/called him since baby steps PinkChic grandma said it best.. Not only that, contacting him is going to make him start to hate you, see you as a disgrace. He is going to be laughing at you and your text and just basically see you as pitiful. No one wants a pitiful woman who cant stand on her own two feet. big turn off. I know this is very hard, alot of us know what this feels like so take it from us...let it go! He knows where you live He knows your phone number He knows your email address He know you dont want to break up So if HE wants to contact you...he will. THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHOICE. Other than that..you should not be contacting him. All you need to be doing right now is doing what it takes to feel better and leave him alone.
betterdeal Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 How ever did you manage before you met him? I don't ask this flippantly. I believe that if you were unhappy or unfulfilled before you met, the underlying issues that causes that are probably still there. Resolve those and (a) you won't need him or her and (b) if you do get back together or become friends again, you'll do so because it is a compliment not a crutch to your happiness.
Fufu Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Asked me to give him time and space because he doesn't want to string me along. Respect this. Why do you want to make yourself upset when he's not replying to your texts. Our Exes only makes us depressed once when they broke up with us, the rest of the times we are feeling sad and depressed are because of ourselves. We don't want and refuse to move on. So why do you have to hurt yourself anymore? Don't have to hurt yourself anymore, move on. ========================================================= how can I have him look at me and think of me as a friend and someone cool to talk to every once and while instead of a psycho ex. I want to hear from him first.. How can I say sorry and have him realize I am sorry, because right now I say sorry but then text the next day so I'm sure he blows off my apologies as fake. But I want to say sorry for real and have him come back. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. We are not saint, we are human beings. Learned from our mistakes and be a better person and not continously dwell over by your mistakes and what was past anymore. Even if your apology meant sincere, he may or may not feel that way and they are not a matter because the REALITY is he chooses to leave the relationship. You need to seek NC (no contact) as soon as possible. Not for him, but only for yourself to heal your emotional wounds and to move forward. Remember, love can't be forced, it will not bring you any true happiness. Also, your own happiness does not rely and depend on another person. Move forward and be happy.
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