getsback Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 My ex is very fragile. She is shy and gets worried easily. She also has low self esteem. She is in her late 20's and has spent her whole life getting mess around by men. She gets cheated on and dumped after just a few months. We went out for exactly a year. We grew close very quickly and fell in love. We knew we wanted to spend out lives together and got engaged after 8 months. We adored me. And I her. She would always tell me that I made her feel so lucky and special. That when she was worried I always took care of her and made her feel better. And she was right. I would of done anything for her. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I worked hard so I could afford to buy her gifts and take her out. I always made sure she felt loved and knew our special I thought she was. But my problem is this. I have always been controlling. I made her feel guilty about seeing her friends and spending time away from me. And the scary part is I never saw it. I never saw what I was doing. Anyway, she ending up leaving me because it was causing problems. We took a week apart and one day she sent me an e-mail just saying we want different lives. I was distraught because I couldn't see why. Anyway, she cut off contact and ignored me for 3 weeks. In that time I slowly started to see what I had done. And it scared me. I went to the doctor to explain. We talked through it and he told me what was key is that I now reconised my mistakes. I thought I may need some sort of councelling but he didn't think so. By this time I had accepted my ex wasn't coming back. But I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for what I had done. So I sent her a long e-mail saying everything I felt. I told her now amount of sorrys was going to make up for what I had done. But I needed to let her know I could see it was my fault. She replied with real anger. Saying that she can't be gratefull for my apology and that she isn't ok. I didn't know what to do so I said all I could offer her was my promise to stay away from her and never contact her again. She didn't want that. She didn't know what she wanted. I offered to meet with her to talk through everything but she didn't know. Then a couple of days later she got drunk and started to message me. She said she missed me so much. And for all my faults, I always made her feel amazing and like a princess. I was always there for her when she needed me. And now she feels lost and miserable. I asked her to come over but she wouldn't because she said we wernt right for each other. But she said she wishes we were still together more then anything. Then the next day I sent her a message saying I would love to meet and talk if she felt like she could. She said that she needed to think. She was miserable that we lost our life together. And just because she was unhappy, she shouldn't stop me from moving on. She said she can't see me because she misses me too much and being around me will stop her from thinking clearly. So I said I loved her and would leave her to think. Then she went back to ignoring me. The next day, I sent her a couple of texts saying that all she had to do was tell me to leave her alone and I would. I just wanted what was best to make her feel happy again. She wouldn't so it. I e-mailed her saying if she really couldn't see us getting back together, she needed to let me go. For both our sakes. She replied saying that her ignoring me wasn't fair. But she didn't want to have to make a decisiom because her head is all over the place. She said she misses me so so much. She said at first she thought she was nervous about seeing me and that she just needed more time. But she realised that deep down she wouldn't let herself see me because she knows she shouldn't. Even though she wants to. She said she couldn't ever see us working as a couple again because she wouldn't be able to go back to how she was with me. And that she dosnt think she will ever be able to see me again because it will open too many old wounds. She thanked me for making her feel amazing and for loving her. He said she misses me so so much and probably always will. But she is struggling to cope with the break up. I asked her if I should leave her alone and she said she didn't know what to do for the best. But she didn't want to stop me from living my life and she didn't want to drag me down with her. I text her the next day saying that I missed her too and I wanted to make it right. I said I understand her logic behind not seeing me, but I needed to hear her say that she didn't love me and want to be with me anymore in order for me to move on. Or I am going to be tempted to keep fighting for her. She ignored that and said she thinks we should both move on. I said that I would be I just needed to hear that she didn't want me anymore. She replied "that's what I have been trying to say" so I said thank you and left it at that. Now I understand its over. And I understand what a complete idiot I was during the relationship. But baring in mind that I did a lot of amazing things for her too and giving me the benefit of the doubt that I can change.....is there anything I can do or any hope at all of getting this women back. Because for all my faults, I truely care for her.
aypforever Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 That's a very long paragraph and hard to follow. To answer your question.. Your chances are always slim. If she needs space, give her space. Don't contact her for awhile and then see where she stands. Something like that.
Mcnulty Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 You need to just leave her be. In time she may come round and contact you, but you constantly texting her has made her more upset and confused I feel. The more you push, the more she will pull away. NC is the way forward for you right now. You needed to let her be her own person within the relationship, you acknowledged your control issues and hopefully that will help you in the future. Good luck.
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 okay, first things first, paragraphs! That post was one hard read. Second, she is sooo damn confused right now it's best to leave her be, sounds like she has a lot of baggage to sort out. However, blaming you for your faults? Come on, everyone has good points and faults, that's what makes us unique. You take the good with the bad. But, if your recongize your faults and work to improve on them, it only makes you a wiser and better person. No one is perfect like me! Now, the amount of time you've texted her and e-mailed her and called her asking, " Are you sure this is what you want?" started to tick ME off just reading it. She has to miss you. I mean REALLY miss you and you're not allowing that. If she says it's over, then it's over. Period, she made the choice to have you out of her life and that's exactly what she should get! I know that's hard to read, but you have to do this. DO NOT ANSWER HER PHONE CALLS, TEXTS OR E-MAILS!!!!!! But, I have a feeling you won't take that to heart. You have to go complete NC.
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