AngelxWings28 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 My boyfriend just admitted to me last night he cheated. With his ex girlfriend. I do not know what to do. I wanna be with him. I'm just hurt and confused right now. I am happy and it eased the blow a bit that he was man enough to admit what he did. That it was his fault. He told me she came over a few days ago and started bawling her eyes, saying she missed and loved him. He told me he didn't know what else to do. We have been dating almost two months. But we dated for ten months three years ago. I was being so understand when she was constantly blowing up his phone. Before he cheated. She wanted him back, said she still loved him, that she missed him. Seriously, this girl text him for two straight hours ever 2 mins. He let me see the txts. He told me that it wasn't supposed to happen. That he felt bad for her. That she was such a wreck. I guess I just don't know what to do now. I want to make it work because I know he is a good guy. He has been for years. I, naturally, had a bunch of questions for him. It seemed to me that her broken three month relationship with him meant more to him. More than the fours I had known him not to mention the ten months we dated. He says that he wants to be with me and wants us to be together for long long time. To eventually get married and have kids. That I have his heart. That it was just sex with her. Do I believe him? Do I look past this? Is it possible? I am so hurt right now. Help!
martini-mae Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Angel- My own personal take on cheating While Dating. If you don't have car payments, mortgages, kids & all the other stuff that comes along with marriage why on earth cheat when you can easily break up? Not like you have to see lawyers & shuffle kids around. Right? I know many would argue it's just as easy in a marriage to break up, but they would be wrong. It isn't. Were you plannig to marry this person? If you were, do you really want to think about this for all the rest of your days? The minute he starts acting weird you'll think he's back at it. If you weren't planning on marriage ~ the heck yes, might as well not break up & have fun while you still can. You'll just need to have a serious talk with yourself & weigh the pros & cons.
UnsureinSeattle Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Dump him, and be glad you dodged a bullet.
Flgirl44 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 You're probably in shock and denial right now. I would go 2 weeks no contact to get your head cleared before making any decisions. Try not to pick apart everything he did to try to find ways that it makes it "more okay". It sets yourself up for a let down later when you have better perspective on the situation. Once you realize there's nothing that makes it "okay", then all your rationalizations go out the window and you start anger round #2. I'm sorry he decided to revisit an ex. It seemed like he was undermining your relationship the whole time by continuing to contact her throughout the time you were together. I'd be weary of any guy still attached to his ex to that extent.
AbeNormal Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) My boyfriend just admitted to me last night he cheated. With his ex girlfriend. I do not know what to do. I wanna be with him. I'm just hurt and confused right now. I am happy and it eased the blow a bit that he was man enough to admit what he did. That it was his fault. He told me she came over a few days ago and started bawling her eyes, saying she missed and loved him. He told me he didn't know what else to do. We have been dating almost two months. But we dated for ten months three years ago. I was being so understand when she was constantly blowing up his phone. Before he cheated. She wanted him back, said she still loved him, that she missed him. Seriously, this girl text him for two straight hours ever 2 mins. He let me see the txts. He told me that it wasn't supposed to happen. That he felt bad for her. That she was such a wreck. I guess I just don't know what to do now. I want to make it work because I know he is a good guy. He has been for years. I, naturally, had a bunch of questions for him. It seemed to me that her broken three month relationship with him meant more to him. More than the fours I had known him not to mention the ten months we dated. He says that he wants to be with me and wants us to be together for long long time. To eventually get married and have kids. That I have his heart. That it was just sex with her. Do I believe him? Do I look past this? Is it possible? I am so hurt right now. Help! I don't know what you mean by "he is a good guy", so let me ask something. When you think of him, do you think of virtues/characteristics such as: integrity, loyalty, strength-of-character, strong sense of self-worth, etc.? Let's look at his story and try to take it at face value. Ex comes over and starts crying ... and he "didn't know what else to do" but have sex with her?! And what is with the "it was just sex with her" - does he really have such a shallow view of himself and other people (in this instance you - and her) that he would do that? Are we to believe that the "just sex with her" is something he did (in a selfless way) to help her cope and get over him?! You "have his heart" - which would mean that he is not emotionally involved with the other girl - so from that are we to gather that he is the type of person that is willing to have "just sex" with someone when he knows that they are in a vulnerable (emotional) position and are clearly interested in more than that?!! Edited April 22, 2011 by AbeNormal
alexandria35 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 He didn't know what else to do??!! Okay he gets points for originality on that one. Don't think I've ever seen a cheater use that one before. Please don't fall for this guys lines. You have his heart and it was just sex with the ex...Puhleeze!! If she really was hurt over the breakup then it was very cruel of him to use her pain to manouever her into the sack. Oh yeah..that's right, he didn't know what else to do. Most people would just tell their ex that they are sorry for their pain but that they must accept that it is over and move on. Guess this simple solution never occured to him. You have only been dating him for 2 months. Cut this creep loose.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I could come up with a few things that he should have done, and now one that you should do to avoid further pain and anguish of the long-term kind: run for the hills.
Summer Breeze Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I don't know what's most disturbing-the things he did and his comments about it, or you even contemplating a future with him.
Flgirl44 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It's cringe-worthy whenever someone tries to diminish the act by saying "it's just sex" It's like ooookkkaaay, it didn't mean that much and it was just sex, well you just threw out a relationship for such a meaningless act. It's just sad. I feel bad for the person's perceptions of love.
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