Nubcakes Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 So, I'm new to this whole.. forum thing. I'll just delve straight in and get to the point: My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now, and recently, he's been avoiding sex. I'll try to pursue him, or seduce him, and he pushes me away. When I ask him about it later, he says he's been really stressed at work... which I completely believe, because he complains daily about the stupid people he works with (I'm paraphrasing, here). Yesterday, I started thinking about why he's been acting the way he has, and I started to worry. I got one of those... you know... gut feelings. So I went into his email. I found out that last saturday, while I was at work, he made a profile on casualencounters.com. I saw the email confirmations they send out to new users in his email. I went to the site, because the email the site sent to him has his username and password. When I logged onto the site, I realized he didn't have any messages from freaky ladies, or anything, nor had he sent any out. When I looked at his profile info, it said, "I am a Man interested in Women for 1-on-1 Sex, Threesomes, Cybersex or Cybersex with Cams." First thing in my head when I read that was 'why would you want cybersex? You're a good-lookin' guy.' Whatever, I continued to scroll through, and it has a bunch of info about crap I never knew he wanted... as well as a post section that says that he's willing to go a maximum of 200 miles to see someone. I'm kind of wigging out, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to bring this subject up with him, to confront him, but I know that I have to. I don't know if I need to worry or not. If someone could give me some insight, I would appreciate it much. I've asked a trusted friend of mine, but I didn't give her the whole story and she didn't know what I should do, either. I'm at a loss. I don't want to overreact, because I know it could be much worse... but that profile is irking me, and I can't just pretend I didn't see it. I'm looking for help from anyone willing to give me their two cents, but if I could get a man to reply to this, I'm hoping it would give some insight that women might not be able to give.
Irishlove Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I would tell him what you said here. He should be able to tell you the truth. He could bring STD's home to you. Be careful. I would have to leave and leave that site up and running.
Author Nubcakes Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 I would have to leave and leave that site up and running. I pulled it up on my laptop, which I need for school. I'll be leaving for class soon, and it's gotta come with me. I don't know his password to log into his computer. I'm not so sure an indirect confrontation is the way to go. We're open and honest with each other, at least... I thought we were. I'll hold my end of the bargain until I come to a decision, and when I do, I think I'll say it to him, rather than being indirect. Keep those replies coming!!
Irishlove Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I pulled it up on my laptop, which I need for school. I'll be leaving for class soon, and it's gotta come with me. I don't know his password to log into his computer. I'm not so sure an indirect confrontation is the way to go. We're open and honest with each other, at least... I thought we were. I'll hold my end of the bargain until I come to a decision, and when I do, I think I'll say it to him, rather than being indirect. Keep those replies coming!!Good luck girl. That's a tough one.
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Yes, you should be worried. Yes, you should absolutely confront him. And I'd be extremely hesitant to continue the relationship. I agree that you should leave the website open so that he can see it when he gets home.
NeverendingJourney Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Here's what I'd do: 1) Do not tell him you know about the profile. Set up your own, just download a random picture from Match.com or something of another woman you think could be his type. Not sure if casualencounters is a free site or not. If it is, go this route so you can see if he's just fantasizing and playing around a bit or if he's serious about trying to hookup. 2) Sit down with him, again don't tell him you know about the site yet, and talk to him. Tell him you know he's got a lot of things going on with work but when he pushes you away, it hurts you and you're trying to understand what's going on with him so you can support him. Be the "good girlfriend" and see what he says and does. Give him a chance to be honest with you. Then WATCH what he does.
Author Nubcakes Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 He's gonna be pissed when he realizes that I went into his email... I couldn't help it, he's been acting SO weird! I get that privacy is something he deserves, but respect is something I deserve.
Author Nubcakes Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 2) Sit down with him, again don't tell him you know about the site yet, and talk to him. Tell him you know he's got a lot of things going on with work but when he pushes you away, it hurts you and you're trying to understand what's going on with him so you can support him. Be the "good girlfriend" and see what he says and does. Give him a chance to be honest with you. Then WATCH what he does. I'd aim for number 2. I want him to fess up. I sent him a text a while ago, and I'm trying to urge him to be straight with me... but I doubt he'll pick up on it.
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Well you know what will happen if you confront him. He will say it was a bit of fun and he just wanted to see what it was like, he would never have actually met anyone or done anything. It's a load of bullcrap. Nobody who is in a relationship for a year and a half signs up for a casual sex website. I would start by asking him things and see how much he will lie to protect himself. If all is innocent then he has no reason to lie, right? Ask him if everything is alright between you. Ask if he's considering leaving you or cheating on you. Ask if he's looking around for someone else. Ask if he's on any dating websites. Don't just listen to his answers, listen to how he says it and his body language as well. Most likely he will lie lie lie. Then you can call him out and if he says it was all just a bit of fun you can say well why did you lie? Normally I would advise the direct approach rather than this passive/aggressive style but I fear the direct approach will cause him to downplay it and cover his tracks better next time. Or yeah, Neverending's number 1 is a good one. No way in hell he'll fess up. You need PROOF.
Woman In Blue Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I couldn't help but chuckle a bit when you said he's a goodlooking guy - but then he has in his profile that he's willing to drive up to 200 miles just to get laid. Lordy, how pitiful. He's just one of the millions and millions of dumbass men who think the internet is one big sexual candy store, existing solely to please HIM and satisfy every fantasy he's ever had. LOL. Moron. What's that, you say? His inbox WASN'T overflowing with offers of wild sex from Playboy Bunnies and super models? :laugh: :laugh: Dumbass. As the others said, he'll give you the typical lie most of them give when confronted about their lame sex hook-up profiles - that he "had to create one just to read the other profiles for AMUSEMENT only," or that he was "just goofing off because he was bored." And just a little FYI for you - the jack-hole LOST his right to privacy when he decided to risk YOUR sexual health in the hopes of screwing strangers up to 200 miles from home. ROFL - do be sure and tell him how utterly pathetic he is.
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