Sweetluvmel Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I met this guy at a bar at our college campus (Ben) and we usually just dance and chat and leave it like that..but he asked me out on a date for this friday because he really wants to get to know me better and he thinks I'm beautiful . He seems like a nice guy and he's cute but I have been fooled before and I am not so trusting... The problem is I am now having second thoughts.. literally thinking of dating just makes me sick now. Not to be conceited I have been told alot that I'm really pretty but the guys I fall for are usually jerks and hurt me one way or another... I was in a long term relationship for 4 years which was NOT healthy at all.. he was emotionally abusive. It took me awhile to get over it but now I am ready and willing. I met this guy (J) at the same bar in Dec of last year right after I turned 21 and we started dating, immediately hit it off. He seemed like such a great guy and I fell hard. He treated me like I have never been treated. Then about 2 months in he dumped me because he's realized he can't be serious yet about a girl since he's not over his ex blah blah.. I still think about (J) alot and want to call him but I know I can't... Should I go on a date with this guy Ben and see where it goes? For some reason I have this gut feeling that I shouldn't? I see him alot at the bars and I made a rule to myself after dating (J) that I wouldn't meet anyone at the bars ever.... Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I made a rule to myself after dating (J) that I wouldn't meet anyone at the bars ever I met this guy at a bar at our college campus (Ben) Too late you broke your rule. Yes give it a shot. From your own experience, don't get too attached to him. However, don't date him thinking that he's going to leave you. And lastly, have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I received a fortune cookie one time that said.... "Love is the only cure for a broken heart" It stuck with me and made me realize something: as much as you fear getting hurt again, you won't be able to move on or be happy without taking another chance on love. So, you just got to keep taking the gamble until you hit the jackpot. As far as meeting guys in bars, everyone has told me that you'll never meet a good guy there. I have met plenty of good guys in a bar. Don't limit yourself. You'll never know WHERE you will meet Mr. Right. Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 You should go out with Ben. I mean its not like you have to marry him or anything. Just go and have fun.,keep it light But, until you give up your feelings for (J ) you will not be able to mentally open yourself up to someone new. How long ago did you and (J) break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetluvmel Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 Thanks for the advice! Yeah, I'm just gonna go and have fun. I don't know what we're doing yet but whatever it is I'll just enjoy. There is no harm in hanging out. I haven't seen (J) since March so it's been about a month. That is what I'm afraid of the most, that I haven't let my feelings for him go yet. This might make no sense to everyone but whenever I go to the bars with my friends (outside) I hope that he isn't there because it hurts to see him but (inside) I hope he's there because I just want to see him.. it's strange I know. Ben seems nice, he seems into me, he's already called today just to see how my week has been going at school and we talked about class and stuff. Tommorrow we all might meet up at the bars (my friends and his). The hard part is knowing (J) might be there and all those feelings coming back.. right now I'm ok. Out of site, out of mind... Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Good for you. My break up has been 2 months from a long relationship and I am still scared to start dating and even just meet new guys. Just take it all at your own pace. I have heard it said that it takes 1/2 as long to get over your ex compared to the time spent together. So, 2 months, maybe another month and you will start feeling better. I have a ways to go, but you eventually get through it. . Have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Just remember dont do anything that you don't feel like doing. Me and my ex broke up about two months ago. Then I met this other guy and he was pushing really hard for a relationship. I ended up having to break up with him and my only goal was fun in the beggining. I was so not ready to be hugged or kissed or anything. So try to avoid that and just have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetluvmel Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 Priscilla.. sorry about your break up if it has been long term then that has to hurt.. wouldn't it be just nice if we could end a emotional bond with someone and not feel the pain and confusion? I just want to fill you in on how the bar scene was.. I met up with Ben and we ended up dancing but I got really really drunk and just didn't feel good but he tried to make me feel better which was nice.. Ooh and (J) was there, I haven't seen him in awhile and his ex gf was there too, which I finally found out who she was last night. My friends told me he was there and he kept staring at me and when I left for the dance floor I guess he was looking to see where I went... As I was dancing with Ben, (J)'s ex was dancing with her friends. Then I saw (J) go up to her and talk to her! I have to admit I was hurting bad.. and when I'm drunk it's worse. So I was really grinding with Ben then I would go give all my guy friends hugs and flirt just to make (J) jealous.. I feel so horrible. I still have the date with Ben tonight but sometimes I know I do things that I don't wanna do but I do them anyway...like dance with lots of guys and flirt.. I only do it to make him jealous. I heard that (J)'s ex is kind of "skanky" and she was a b*tch. The thing I don't understand is why he's still hung up on her? People tell me I'm so much better than her, personality and looks wise but he wants nothing to do with me. Do you think he was trying to make me jealous, after all he was staring at me? Do you think he secretly misses me? Do you think I can actually date Ben and move on.. because I don't want to hurt him with all these feelings I'm having. I am soo confused! Link to post Share on other sites
Sundaymorning Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 hell yeah go on a date! You will be amazed how much a new guy will make the old guy and how you felt about him....disappear!!!! Go on it and have a blast! Link to post Share on other sites
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