dressing up Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 For some of you who remember, I've been sort of pining for my guy friend that eventually got himself a girlfriend in someone else. Now we aren't talking anymore because of a misunderstanding or incident, depending on how you see it. These few days I've been missing his texts mostly. I believe texts of nothings are the worst in that they're addictive. In the past, he would text me at random time about this and that and things that reminded him of me. How can I get over missing his texts?
radiodarcy Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 i'm the same situation. i started out as friends with a guy i'd sort of always had feelings for. those feelings intensified when we started a FWB situation that lasted off and on for about two and a half years. but as much as i pleaded with him to give a relationship a try, he refused to commit. i should have walked but he was my first love, my first everything. i just kept thinking if i hung in there he would change his mind. anyway, about six months ago he broke off the "benefits" part saying he wanted to just be friends. and - - wait for it - - that he wanted to join an internet dating website so he could find "the one" and start dating again. needless to say i was devastated. we had a huge blow up and i went NC soon after that. i almost made it to three months when i caved into the crumbs he'd been sending me.but i couldnt stand listening to him talk about the dates he was going on so i went NC again. this time i havent heard a peep from him. no texts or phone calls. nothing and it's been six weeks. so i'm guessing he finally found someone. either that or he's respecting my space and giving me time to heal. it's really hard because he used to text/IM each other just about every day for close to 3 years (we've known each other for 6). it sounds dramatic but not being in contact with him is like missing a part of me. but if i can't have him in my life the way i want him - - then i don't want him in it at all. the texts only gave me a false sense of security. it's been 6 weeks and even though i still love him and miss him i'm much better off without him in my life. i look at it this way: i may get a text from him but some other girl gets to have him in a way that i never could. given that - - i'd rather not have that text in the first place. it's nothing more than a consolation prize. i would also suggest that if you do start missing his texts or have the urge to contact him do what i do and contact another friend instead. it's not the same but at least it helps fill the void.
Author dressing up Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 i'm the same situation. i started out as friends with a guy i'd sort of always had feelings for. those feelings intensified when we started a FWB situation that lasted off and on for about two and a half years. but as much as i pleaded with him to give a relationship a try, he refused to commit. i should have walked but he was my first love, my first everything. i just kept thinking if i hung in there he would change his mind. anyway, about six months ago he broke off the "benefits" part saying he wanted to just be friends. and - - wait for it - - that he wanted to join an internet dating website so he could find "the one" and start dating again. needless to say i was devastated. we had a huge blow up and i went NC soon after that. i almost made it to three months when i caved into the crumbs he'd been sending me.but i couldnt stand listening to him talk about the dates he was going on so i went NC again. this time i havent heard a peep from him. no texts or phone calls. nothing and it's been six weeks. so i'm guessing he finally found someone. either that or he's respecting my space and giving me time to heal. it's really hard because he used to text/IM each other just about every day for close to 3 years (we've known each other for 6). it sounds dramatic but not being in contact with him is like missing a part of me. but if i can't have him in my life the way i want him - - then i don't want him in it at all. the texts only gave me a false sense of security. it's been 6 weeks and even though i still love him and miss him i'm much better off without him in my life. i look at it this way: i may get a text from him but some other girl gets to have him in a way that i never could. given that - - i'd rather not have that text in the first place. it's nothing more than a consolation prize. i would also suggest that if you do start missing his texts or have the urge to contact him do what i do and contact another friend instead. it's not the same but at least it helps fill the void. It's silly but I even "envy" the crumbs that he initially gave you. Don't know why but his texts made me feel like I "have" someone I can talk about anything with and there's someone that "thinks" about me. I like the suggestion of texting a friend when I want to send him a text. However it's just different. I miss seeing his name come up on my cell.
radiodarcy Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It's silly but I even "envy" the crumbs that he initially gave you. Don't know why but his texts made me feel like I "have" someone I can talk about anything with and there's someone that "thinks" about me. I like the suggestion of texting a friend when I want to send him a text. However it's just different. I miss seeing his name come up on my cell. believe me i know exactly how you feel. and i do miss those texts. they made me feel like i occupied at least some corner of his life. and there's part of me that would give anything to hear my phone ring and see his name appear on the caller id. but i know that once he has a girl - - even if i had stayed friends with him, those texts would have gotten to be less and less. until they stopped for good. i'd rather have cut the texting off myself than stayed around waiting for him to cut me off. and yeah - - seeing a text from one of my friends isn't the same as seeing one come up from him. but it does help me feel less lonely another thing i do if i find the urge to text him is send the text to myself instead. pathetic i know. but again - - at least i'm getting it out - - even if it's not to him.
Author dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 radio, you're stronger than me then. There were so many times I wanted to contact him just so I could probably have his texts again. Insane, I know.
sabienne Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 dressing up, you are not insane. That's a totally normal part of the breaking up period. I went through a phase where I would send him texts about anything - anything - just to get him to contact me. Any contact, seeing his name on my phone, knowing he had taken the time to think about me, made me feel great for about 10 minutes, but then ultimately lousy when he didn't give m the contact I wanted. It's so hard at first, but as crap as not contacting him is, having him reject you repeatedly is way, way worse.
Author dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 dressing up, you are not insane. That's a totally normal part of the breaking up period. I went through a phase where I would send him texts about anything - anything - just to get him to contact me. Any contact, seeing his name on my phone, knowing he had taken the time to think about me, made me feel great for about 10 minutes, but then ultimately lousy when he didn't give m the contact I wanted. It's so hard at first, but as crap as not contacting him is, having him reject you repeatedly is way, way worse. You're right. If it's not my ego stopping me from contacting him so he could choose to not contact me back, I don't know what is. What can I do to have him contact me without me contacting him first?!
radiodarcy Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) radio, you're stronger than me then. There were so many times I wanted to contact him just so I could probably have his texts again. Insane, I know. you will get there too. and believe me - - i spent two and a half years sending him plenty of texts and emails. either in an effort to plead my case or just to hear from him. and there were plenty of times when he didn't respond. and believe me - - that hurt - - a lot. not to mention - - as sabienne pointed out - - when i did get a response from him it was never the response i wanted. between that and the ignored texts, i don't need to do the rubber band trick. just remembering how bad a i felt is enough to stay away. Edited April 25, 2011 by radiodarcy
Blueberry7691 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 [What can I do to have him contact me without me contacting him first?! I tried spells but they didn't work. I have to say, I thought I was the only person who felt like you. I too missed the communication via text. That's how we communicated most of time because we were busy with work or whatever. I think the only we can get through it is to go NC and feel that sense of loss. It sucks but it's the only way. I also sent myself texts that were meant for him. It helped me release what I was feeling at the time. Whenever I broke NC because I 'needed' a text from him, it only set me back. It's sooo not worth it. It's not easy but I think we all have the strength to get through it. Keep posting here too.
Author dressing up Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 you will get there too. and believe me - - i spent two and a half years sending him plenty of texts and emails. either in an effort to plead my case or just to hear from him. and there were plenty of times when he didn't respond. and believe me - - that hurt - - a lot. not to mention - - as sabienne pointed out - - when i did get a response from him it was never the response i wanted. between that and the ignored texts, i don't need to do the rubber band trick. just remembering how bad a i felt is enough to stay away. I don't know which is worse (I'm not belittling what you went through) but at least you were hurt. In my case, I felt that I hurt him by choosing to end our friendship (even though I wasn't thrilled by what he did that disappointed me). Maybe hurt is something I need in order to move on. I clearly know the possibility that he doesn't even think about the incident or me. But because life is short and I wonder if I think back of this in many years from now, will I laugh at my childishness that caused the loss of a friendship?
Author dressing up Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I tried spells but they didn't work. I have to say, I thought I was the only person who felt like you. I too missed the communication via text. That's how we communicated most of time because we were busy with work or whatever. I think the only we can get through it is to go NC and feel that sense of loss. It sucks but it's the only way. I also sent myself texts that were meant for him. It helped me release what I was feeling at the time. Whenever I broke NC because I 'needed' a text from him, it only set me back. It's sooo not worth it. It's not easy but I think we all have the strength to get through it. Keep posting here too. For a while, I thought NC worked. With some more time, I thought I was getting better. The better way of putting it is there are ups and downs. I sometimes even think of him and his girlfriend (whom I haven't seen but I heard is an older woman, which then makes me wonder what he sees in her but not me). I miss telling him things going on with my life and listening to his. If he had been harsh, I could have a reason to feel that this is for the better. Now I'm just left feeling I was the one being harsh, imagining him the poor soul waiting for me to contact him. Hilarious, I know.
Blueberry7691 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I miss telling him things going on with my life and listening to his. I truly understand.. It's tough. Too bad there wasn't a way for us to send each other texts to fill the void I know it's not the same. Try to hang in there. Try not to give in. He has someone else. You sure don't want to be staring at your phone waiting and hoping he responds to you. The worse is when his text never comes and you wonder why. Then you are full of regret. I know. I've been there. Just keep posting.
Fufu Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 its just texts I told myself if a man truly wants to be with me and to be committed to me, I will look forward more than just his texts.
radiodarcy Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 right again, Fufu! it really is just texts. as much as i miss the texts i realize they were nothing more than crumbs; that left me wanting more. maybe i'm old school but being with the guy writing the texts means more to me than a text itself. dressingup you deserve more than texts. you ended the friendship for the right reason, it may not feel that way now. but it was. i too ended our friendship because it was hurting me more than it was helping me. and while i regret that things got to that point, it was inevitable. friendships may have their ups and downs but when his "ups" came in the form of someone else, i just couldnt handle that. and what's more - - i didn't have to. so i walked. it's the same thing with you and your friend. think of how difficult it would have been for you to be friends with him while he was dating someone else. as much pain as your in now it would have been tenfold had you stayed in that friendship. not to mention he probably wouldn't have been texting/contacting you as much now that he has a gf anyway.
9Lives Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 right again, Fufu! it really is just texts. as much as i miss the texts i realize they were nothing more than crumbs; that left me wanting more. maybe i'm old school but being with the guy writing the texts means more to me than a text itself. dressingup you deserve more than texts. you ended the friendship for the right reason, it may not feel that way now. but it was. i too ended our friendship because it was hurting me more than it was helping me. and while i regret that things got to that point, it was inevitable. friendships may have their ups and downs but when his "ups" came in the form of someone else, i just couldnt handle that. and what's more - - i didn't have to. so i walked. it's the same thing with you and your friend. think of how difficult it would have been for you to be friends with him while he was dating someone else. as much pain as your in now it would have been tenfold had you stayed in that friendship. not to mention he probably wouldn't have been texting/contacting you as much now that he has a gf anyway. Radio is right. My ex and I broke up for good last March(him) and then again for really good in October(me). I knew friendship and those stupid text were not going to do for me. He would text here and there but I put a end to it cause it wasnt what I wanted to hear. nevertheless, my ex did start dating a chic before we broke up in March and I knew who she was and everything. Im gonna tell you....to this day, I still have visions of her and him and I have seen pictures on FB. It has caused me so much more pain. If you wanted to be the fwb girl, that is the risk we take of something like this happening. I dont judge other for doing it...I just know, I cant do it. My emotions are not strong enough to do it. It is going to be painful. God know, it is still painful for me. But you will get over it....that goes for both of us. Im trying to get there too. The biggest thing is going to be not contacting him anymore. very very important.
Fufu Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 right again, Fufu! it really is just texts. as much as i miss the texts i realize they were nothing more than crumbs; that left me wanting more. maybe i'm old school but being with the guy writing the texts means more to me than a text itself. dressingup you deserve more than texts. you ended the friendship for the right reason, it may not feel that way now. but it was. i too ended our friendship because it was hurting me more than it was helping me. and while i regret that things got to that point, it was inevitable. friendships may have their ups and downs but when his "ups" came in the form of someone else, i just couldnt handle that. and what's more - - i didn't have to. so i walked. it's the same thing with you and your friend. think of how difficult it would have been for you to be friends with him while he was dating someone else. as much pain as your in now it would have been tenfold had you stayed in that friendship. not to mention he probably wouldn't have been texting/contacting you as much now that he has a gf anyway. Haha, maybe that's what we called a virtual relationship to rely on texts, facebook, skype, twitter. People we need to walk out of this and be more realistic in relationships.
radiodarcy Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 well said, Fufu and 9lives! dressingup, take it from 9lives and me -- it's so not worth staying friends with someone you love - - and it's ten times worse to be in a fwb situation with that person. yes, i've been there where i've pined over a guy who had zero interest me. where i would give anything for a shred of attention from him. but moving on from those guys was ten times easier than moving on from a guy you've been intimate or had a relationship with. like 9lives, i don't think i could be in a fwb situation again. i just can't separate out my feelings from the act itself. be grateful you weren't in a situation like this because the longer it lasts, the more attached you get -- which makes it even harder to pull yourself out when the guy decides to move on.
Author dressing up Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Thanks all. I'm glad you've come out of a painful episode strong. I know I will though it's not been an easy path. Try to hang in there. Try not to give in. He has someone else. You sure don't want to be staring at your phone waiting and hoping he responds to you. The worse is when his text never comes and you wonder why. Then you are full of regret. I know. I've been there. You're right, especially the bolded part. It's a pity as humans, we're always full of hope. Ironic. So I don't think of it in terms of him not responding to my texts but in hope that he would. its just texts I told myself if a man truly wants to be with me and to be committed to me, I will look forward more than just his texts. Actually it's not just the texts that I miss but the conversations we have. Sigh. think of how difficult it would have been for you to be friends with him while he was dating someone else. as much pain as your in now it would have been tenfold had you stayed in that friendship. not to mention he probably wouldn't have been texting/contacting you as much now that he has a gf anyway. At first when I "broke up" the friendship, I thought it was for the better partly because I couldn't deal if he told me more about his girlfriend or had me meet her. Call me crazy but I did feel he liked me for a while. Probably because I didn't give the right response and before I realized, he told me about his girlfriend. I have to remind myself of the bold. I knew friendship and those stupid text were not going to do for me. He would text here and there but I put a end to it cause it wasnt what I wanted to hear. Wow, you're strong to know what's bad for you and cut it. nevertheless, my ex did start dating a chic before we broke up in March and I knew who she was and everything. Im gonna tell you....to this day, I still have visions of her and him and I have seen pictures on FB. It has caused me so much more pain. Sorry to hear that. I can only imagine the pain because I know how I would feel if I saw her and photos. If you wanted to be the fwb girl, that is the risk we take of something like this happening. I dont judge other for doing it...I just know, I cant do it. My emotions are not strong enough to do it. It is going to be painful. God know, it is still painful for me. But you will get over it....that goes for both of us. Im trying to get there too. The biggest thing is going to be not contacting him anymore. very very important. No judgment but I'm not the fwb kind of person. This is illogical but I just think of how it would be like when he and girlfriend split up and I can have the relationship I want. One can wish, right? well said, Fufu and 9lives! dressingup, take it from 9lives and me -- it's so not worth staying friends with someone you love - - and it's ten times worse to be in a fwb situation with that person. yes, i've been there where i've pined over a guy who had zero interest me. where i would give anything for a shred of attention from him. but moving on from those guys was ten times easier than moving on from a guy you've been intimate or had a relationship with. like 9lives, i don't think i could be in a fwb situation again. i just can't separate out my feelings from the act itself. be grateful you weren't in a situation like this because the longer it lasts, the more attached you get -- which makes it even harder to pull yourself out when the guy decides to move on. The thing is I don't think he has zero interest in me. Part of me is left wondering what I didn't do or did, should have done to have changed the situation.
Fufu Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 You can have conversation with your family and friends. It's not only just got to be him. You will be fine. I'm already used to not communicating with my ex, you will get there too.
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