irc333 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 (edited) I actually got an interested woman corresponding with me from POF, we met online and had been talking also on the phone, getting to know each other, we planned a date this Saturday. She's 40 something, divorced twice, with one older child. (teenager). Very attractive, curvy woman. She's expressed she's not all about the looks, but the kind of overall connection she has, because when she'd date in the past, she'd have her superficial friends look at her sig. other and ask her, "Um, what are you doing with that guy? You're SO attractive, why are you with HIM for??" So, the good news there is, she's hardly shallow. She is a BIG travel bug, she had pics of her in different countries, very impressive parts of the world. From the sounds of it, she has plans to travel at the end of this May, and then a few months later in another country. I asked her "How much traveling do you do?" and she says, "Any chance I get." Sounds like almost every few months she does this, routinely. I asked her if she would mind dating a guy who is not into traveling (globally) as much as she does. And she says as long as he doesn't keep me from traveling, that's fine. And I jokingly say, "Or he could come along with you." And she says, "Well, I won't be paying his way, he'll be paying our way." And I said, "oh, so you don't agree with paying for each's own plane tickets and such?" And she says, "No, I might as well travel alone if that's the case, he's a man, and he should pay a woman's way, I'm old-fashioned like that." Now me...I too am old-fashioned when it comes to dating as well. Of coures, when it comes to paying for dinners and other traditional dating events. But traveling? I don't think so. lol. But she does come from a culture where those roles are displayed. She says that the man should "be the man" and her role as a woman she'll be the woman and let him be the man in his role, and she'll play her role as a woman. She mentioned of course, she'd accomodate him or return the favor by other means (not sure what that is - maybe she'll make him dinner). She says, otherwise, it's just like hanging out with your same gender friends and buddies. So there is NO friendzoning from this woman, lol She just comes from a latin back ground where she believes in traditional dating roles. Which is understandable. Of course, my question is, I wonder if woman use this as an exploitation? Or No? Is it too early to judge, for one, if we even ever got to the point where we'd have to wind up traveling together..it might not even get to that point, so I would have no qualms with buying dinner. lol But airline tickets, that's big. So anyhow, that being said, anyone think a man should be the man, pay for it all, "take care of his woman" in the dating world? Do you know of any women like this? Edited April 21, 2011 by irc333
Cee Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 You bring up an interesting topic. In what ways are we old fashioned. I'm over 40 and I have certain ideas that I call "old fashioned." Although to me they feel like common sense to me such as not liking fwb arrangements. Btw, this woman sounds pretty cool. I hope you can get to meet her.
zengirl Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 In this context, "Old fashioned" seems to mean she believes in some strict gender roles in regards to romance: i.e. Men should pay. And for everything!
aisle_seat Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I consider myself old fashioned, too and do believe in and want to pay for dinners, romantic excursions and the like. But a big ticket item like a cruise or international travel? I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some cost sharing with that, assuming she has the means to do so.
Author irc333 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 I consider myself old fashioned, too and do believe in and want to pay for dinners, romantic excursions and the like. But a big ticket item like a cruise or international travel? I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some cost sharing with that, assuming she has the means to do so. Well, she does have the means to do so, she said her Ex husband paid for all accomodations and trips, so she expects the same, BUT will do her share too, whateve that means, maybe she'll pay for incidentals? <shrug> who knows....too soon to judge or tell, I guess? Wether it's big ticket or not, sounds all irrelavant to her. It's like like "Learn about this person as you go along"
Andy_K Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Ask her how many blowjobs a plane ticket is worth? After all, if she's not going to be sexually servicing you, you might as well go alone or with a friend. Traditional gender roles and all, y'know
zengirl Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Well, she does have the means to do so, she said her Ex husband paid for all accomodations and trips, so she expects the same, BUT will do her share too, whateve that means, maybe she'll pay for incidentals? <shrug> who knows....too soon to judge or tell, I guess? Wether it's big ticket or not, sounds all irrelavant to her. It's like like "Learn about this person as you go along" I totally enjoy a man taking me out to dinner or something, and if he had A LOT more money than me and we were seriously together, I'd have no issues with him picking up a little extra on a travel tab (though it'd make me slightly uncomfortable to have someone buy something like a plane ticket for me, unless it was a gift/for a special event, like a birthday or anniversary), but I think her idea is a bit extreme, personally. To each their own, though. I'd never have the expecatation that a man was going to pay for my travel, unless he made travel plans as a surprise for me or something (like he says, "I'm taking you away for your birthday weekend" and plans it all, and then gives me half the bill later? That'd be weird).
Author irc333 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 I have to give her kudos for initiating phone calls...we've been keeping in touch back and forth daily. Everytime I get off the phone with her, she encourages met to call back later the next day or something. Sometimes she'll even call me.
welikeincrowds Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 An old-fashioned is bourbon or rye, water, sugar, Angostura, and a cherry garnish. A classic. A woman who identifies as "old-fashioned" is more likely to prefer gentle sex (see chart 2). We all play gender roles, but I personally don't prefer women that would actually believe in any of the stuff she's telling you. And I love spending money on women. I actually wondered if she was latin until you said it.
OldSkool Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Ask her how many blowjobs a plane ticket is worth? After all, if she's not going to be sexually servicing you, you might as well go alone or with a friend. Traditional gender roles and all, y'know ^^ This... Not to be chauvinistic, but if she wants "traditional" as in the man supports the lifestyle she has become "accustomed" to, then she had better be one hell of a cook, maid and masseuse. Mind blowing sex is also a bonus.
Woggle Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 ^^ This... Not to be chauvinistic, but if she wants "traditional" as in the man supports the lifestyle she has become "accustomed" to, then she had better be one hell of a cook, maid and masseuse. Mind blowing sex is also a bonus. It's not chauvinistic. Either you want an equal relationship or you don't.
carhill Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 So the man she's with only has to 'pay' if they travel together? OP, there's likely a good reason she can live a free and easy lifestyle. There's also a reason she's been divorced twice. I daresay there's nothing old-fashioned about her at all. Look at all this disclosure and you haven't even pressed flesh once. Telling.
Author irc333 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Like I said, they got no problem telling what the mans responsebilitys are but tell them' their's and they freak out. Since she did say she would "return the favor" in her own way....maybe I should inquire about details come date time? Maybe I should ask her come date time, "Since you beleive in playing a role as a woman, what is it you have to offer or do for a man who takes you out?"
carhill Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 "Since you believe in playing a role as a woman, what is it you have to offer or do for a man who takes you out?" 'The pleasure of my company, of course'
Author irc333 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 The conversation could even go to the point where, maybe I should be point blank in asking "Are you a gold-digger?" I dunno, but I don't want to pass judgement, right away. Should I tap dance around by feeling out what is on the line of "old-fashioned" and "looking for a man to support me, because, well, that's the man's role" Some people have said, that sex and companionship is the only thing a woman might have to offer, but FINANCIALLY, that's the man job...and if a man can't really afford BIG ticket items...well, then there's a problem if she don't want him tagging along going "dutch" on a trip to England or something. I mean, if a woman expects to pay for everything, and not going dutch and appearing as her friend and not a girlfriend, what can a woman possibly do in return that's NOT financally related, I mean does a woman like this going to have to contribute financially SOMEHOW? IT seems if she cannot do ANYTHING financally (or chooses not to, simply becuase its "the man's r ole to do so") then she might not even be helpful anyhow? Regardless of her cooking talents, love making, etc?
Author irc333 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 'The pleasure of my company, of course' Would you date a woman based on this, Carhill? Another thign I wanted to note...I'm surpised this owman is interested thus far...from our conversations so far....this is the kind of woman that would NOT be attracted to me. High Maint women (which are typically gorgeous and pretty), usually would not be attracted to me anyhow, where there seems some of considerable clash here. I mean, she likes me for my personality and that I make her l augh, and doesn't care much about looks. Usually, a woman that cares about looks are also, in turn, have this outlook in life (man paying for everything), not a guy like me.
OldSkool Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 'The pleasure of my company, of course' A commodity that is in high surplus, low demand and has no substantive or inherent, intrinsic value. I'd rather spend the money on a cheeseburger, at least I won't be hungry for a couple hours...
Recommended Posts