Alain Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I ran into my ex by accident today after months of NC. It was got me down. She has hurt me deeply and all I want is to be free from the hold that she has on my heart. I have told her numerous times that I never wanted to speak or see her again, yet somehow she comes back into my life in one way or the other. When I saw her that day, I was very reluctant to talk to her, but she was persistent so I gave in. We "catch up" even though I had no desire to tell her anything about my life or know anything about hers. I admit that half of our conservation was actually pleasant, but for whatever reason she would bring up things from the past and sour the conservation. From what she says, she is basically bashes our relationship; it wasn't right, it wasn't good enough, blah blah. It upsets me because she is twisting the past and making it seem like it was all bad and meaningless, when it wasn't! Does anyone have experience with this? Brief history to put this into context: We were together for 3 years and living together. She breaks up with me, moves on to another guy in a matter of days while we were still living together. Strings me along for months because she was "confused" and sees both of us. Finally told her to choose between me and him. Choose him. I cut her off from my life.
0hpenelope Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Don't take it personally. Her sharings are a reflection of how she feels and her thoughts and not necessarily an attack against you. I don't understand why she brings it up with you at all if she's so over things. Something about the break up still bothers her after all this time. It's like she's still trying to convince herself and you that she did the right thing. What a disrespectful individual.
Author Alain Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 it's hard not to take it personally. for the most part i am reaching indifference, but this latest encounter has set be back a little bit. i just don't understand her. i am so tempted to just call her out on her bs, but i know that would just start another cycle of unpleasantness. i think you're right, she is trying to convince herself. i hate how she keeps trying to justify her actions. all i want is for her to show some remorse and give me a sincere apology, but i doubt that will ever happen.
Empath Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Her angst or bitterness derive from a personal sense of hurt. See through the swirling cold-front and you'll see the same pain and insecurity that tears through you on occasion. Anger stems from emotion, and if she is still tangled up, she will have a hard time navigating herself clear of her own issues and contemplating yours. Forgive her, forgive yourself and the hand that grips your heart will fall away.
Author Alain Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 That's deep empath. Thanks for your reply. I shouldn't be concern about what she says or thinks anymore. I know it doesn't matter and it doesn't change anything. It took me a long time to forgive myself for my mistakes and shortcomings. I know I must forgive her as well, but I don't think I am ready just yet. I don't even know how to begin. Thoughts?
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