zengirl Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 So I've been dating a girl. Really pretty and cute and pretty smart. Her house is perfect. She has great style. It is interesting to me that you focused on the house and style. These are kind of superficial things. Now, granted, it was only a few weeks, and you're in a "down" phase now, but this intro doesn't scream WOW, SHE'S GREAT! to me, so is it possible you weren't really seeing her as long-term anyway? (I mean REALLY long-term.) For a month we were talking every day and texting a lot and really connecting. It started out really fast, which is kind of a pattern for me. And by the fourth week we were in bed. I gave lots of nice guy signals, which is my pattern. I complimented her by flirting with her and making occasional sexual references. It was good-natured and meant to make her laugh as much as it was meant to make her feel desired. I made it clear that I like her and liked being with her. I wasn't always available, but I was mostly available. I don't go out a lot and we weren't dating other people. I always bought. None of this is bad stuff. This is how most of my relationships start. And most of the good ones I see. I got insecure once when she went out to a party. It turned out she spent time talking to some other guy, which really is to be expected, but still got to me. I tried to bury my insecurities, but I couldn't and they were there for us both to see. So I just discussed it with her and got it off my chest. And then it went away. How far in was this? The truth is, while it may have been "okay" for her to do this (it was understandable in a grand social scheme), the fact that it bothered you let on that you and she valued the relationship between yourselves differently to a point where your feelings were affected. This is a pretty major incompatibility you glossed over. Doesn't make her "wrong" for doing it, but it may mean you just were never compatible from the start. She changed totally on week 5. We had a good night together and really got to know each other's bodies. I stayed overnight at her place. And then the next morning, she was transformed back into a total stranger. She was cold and distant. And I left. Is it true that when a woman does something like this, there is something wrong with the guy? Could it be true that a woman could be Ms. Wonderful for several weeks and then transform into Ms. Unbearable all on her own? She might have just been re-thinking things on her own. Sex does that to some people, especially those who will have it before they're "sure." I'm betting she was never really sure about you, and sex just flipped the switch. It happens (never to me, as I usually feel very secure with someone pre-sex, but I've heard, and I understand the phenomenon). In terms of how you handled it, it's not how I would. It seems a bit pushy. I mean, you never gave her time to really absorb what you said. I'm not saying it would've gone well, but I think letting her breathe a bit might've helped both of you, individually. I don't know. Depends on if you're happy with how it worked out --- sounds like you let it get a bit more dramatic than it needed to be, but nothing major. I hadn't considered that. It's funny that each time we did it, she would ask, "are you going to lose interest in me tomorrow? That's what guys do." I always responded with "no way. I'm into you." Maybe she expected it, because she doesn't understand how anyone couldn't. Hard to say. This is a huge red flag. The possibilities for brokenness with this are endless: 1. Projection. Maybe SHE loses interest when she sleeps with people. 2. She's still into someone who rejected her after sex. 2A. She's pining away for a guy who only wants her for sex who she still sleeps with. 3. She doesn't understand how sex and intimacy work together. 4. Intimacy terrifies her. etc. I'm sure there are more, those are just the ones I got in 5 seconds, but healthy people don't say things like that, is my point.
daphne Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I'm surprised that everyone is psychoanalyzing this girl based on very limited information. I think everyone's reading too much into thin air. This sounds very similar to a situation I was once in, with the exception that I was willing to try to talk it out and get past a misunderstanding. Women are prone to marinate on things and not react on the spot when something bothers them. It comes as no small surprise that you can't find a breadcrumb trail back to where it began but there was probably something said or done that made her make a snap decision or judgement. Early on people are far more prone to do this, due to skittishness. Instead of possibly giving you teh benefit of the doubt, it sounds like she just over reacted and chose to clam up with assumptions on whatever it was. But if someone is so unwilling to talk about things, ya gotta know the interest level isn't where it should be and wish her well.
Kamille Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I'm even a bit aggressive. The third or fourth "no" means no. It's funny that each time we did it, she would ask, "are you going to lose interest in me tomorrow? That's what guys do." You had to push for sex (even if a little), and reassure her that you weren't going to lose respect for her. If I had to guess what's going on, it wouldn't be that she's a player. It would be that for whatever reason, she's insecure or unsure about your relationship. Which is why I think this is the best advice in this thread: why not just reassure her that you aren't going to disappear? It's all she's looking for. Just tell her you aren't like that. It's probably just a defense mechanism she has.
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Have you considered that she is probably giving some other guy some of her other free time and she is keeping you at a distance till she works thru the other guy ? It just sounds like she is dating two guys.. she got sexual with one and doesn't know what to do other than pull back on one and see what happens with the other one.. What I would do is pull back but keep in touch.. making sure your intentions are known. as far as all the emails stating positions.. nothing you can undo.. let it ride out..
Citizen Erased Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 By the way Johan.. way to go all in... I'm proud of him! :bunny:
Author johan Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) It is interesting to me that you focused on the house and style. These are kind of superficial things. Now, granted, it was only a few weeks, and you're in a "down" phase now, but this intro doesn't scream WOW, SHE'S GREAT! to me, so is it possible you weren't really seeing her as long-term anyway? (I mean REALLY long-term.) Actually I did see her as long term. I just liked how closely she fit the image of what want. Her looks and style mattered to me as the first impression. Her attitude and demeanor mean a lot too. I guess I mentioned those things because I was trying to paint a picture of her. And I still do see her as long term. She's down to earth and takes herself seriously. This is a huge red flag. The possibilities for brokenness with this are endless: 1. Projection. Maybe SHE loses interest when she sleeps with people. 2. She's still into someone who rejected her after sex. 2A. She's pining away for a guy who only wants her for sex who she still sleeps with. 3. She doesn't understand how sex and intimacy work together. 4. Intimacy terrifies her. etc. I didn't see it that way. She was just letting me in on her fear. Maybe something like that happened to her in the past, and it's something she dreads. It was along the lines of, "I really like you. Please don't turn out like that." I wouldn't read quite as much into it as you are. This sounds very similar to a situation I was once in, with the exception that I was willing to try to talk it out and get past a misunderstanding. But if someone is so unwilling to talk about things, ya gotta know the interest level isn't where it should be and wish her well. We talked today. Things aren't all better. The conversation was awkward and kind of heavy. The lightness and fun we had before when we talked was replaced by all this dreary "us" stuff. You had to push for sex (even if a little), and reassure her that you weren't going to lose respect for her. If I had to guess what's going on, it wouldn't be that she's a player. It would be that for whatever reason, she's insecure or unsure about your relationship. That kind of occurred to me. She wants to back off to where it's safe, because then she won't have high expectations. I makes me think about how I operate though. I think I have as many issues as she does. More to come on that... Have you considered that she is probably giving some other guy some of her other free time and she is keeping you at a distance till she works thru the other guy ? It just sounds like she is dating two guys.. she got sexual with one and doesn't know what to do other than pull back on one and see what happens with the other one.. I don't know, Art. She seems pretty honest about things. I could be wrong. But it just seems like she takes things seriously. There's nothing really flaky about her. Except for this blow up, she's been considerate and on time and sweet and caring and up front and totally available. She's had to draw me out in some ways. To have something else going on the side seems pretty Jekyll-and-Hyde, and almost impossible given how much we spent occupying each other's time. And she also never checked her phone when we were together, even once. I have to say I trust her that she hasn't had something else going on. Edited April 22, 2011 by johan
D-Lish Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I'm surprised that everyone is psychoanalyzing this girl based on very limited information. I think everyone's reading too much into thin air. This sounds very similar to a situation I was once in, with the exception that I was willing to try to talk it out and get past a misunderstanding. Women are prone to marinate on things and not react on the spot when something bothers them. It comes as no small surprise that you can't find a breadcrumb trail back to where it began but there was probably something said or done that made her make a snap decision or judgement. Early on people are far more prone to do this, due to skittishness. Instead of possibly giving you teh benefit of the doubt, it sounds like she just over reacted and chose to clam up with assumptions on whatever it was. But if someone is so unwilling to talk about things, ya gotta know the interest level isn't where it should be and wish her well. I agree with the bolded part. No one can truly understand what this girl is like without being inside her head and having her life experiences. She demonstrates some pushing behaviours, some testing behaviours- some of which could have to do with past trauma. She demonstrates some insecurity issues- which, let's face it, everyone that has been hurt has- and we all manifest our trust issues differently. Someone else said earlier- make a girl feel safe and secure, and she's going to be a better gf. I believe that to be true. Then the importance of boundaries, expectations, etc come into play. Men and women think differently, and we manifest our problems and insecurities differently, we drag our baggage differently. What I want to know is how you knew she talked to a guy at a party for a little too long- did she tell you that? I couldn't imagine telling someone I was seeing that piece of info. Not because I'd want to hide anything- but because I wouldn't want to make the guy I am dating to feel insecure. I see that as a bit of a red flag- the fact that she must have brought it up to get a response from you. By telling you that, she's trying to elicit jealousy and response, and I don't think that's cool. It's the same as if a guy would tell a girl he is seeing that he thinks other chicks are hot- it's MEANT to instill jealousy in the other person. Only very insecure people play this card. I think what you have in front of you is an insecure girl. I think she's testing you with the push-pull stuff. I think she's been hurt in the past, and as much as she's wanting to move forward with you, her vulnerability is causing her to act in ways that are unsavoury. It completely explains the withdrawl after a vulnerable moment. She probably woke up the next morning after a night of connection and had crazy thoughts like the following: "oh my god, last night was amazing, I could get used to this, he's cute, and he takes care of himself, I don't, and I feel fat- he could probably land a thinner girl" "I really like this guy, how wonderful- omg, wait- I like this guy and because I do I am giving him the power to hurt me, I hate hurt, maybe I shouldn't go there" "I really like this guy- but what does he see in me, maybe I should run now before he hurts me". Ah, the diaries of an insecure girl. Maybe this is what you're dealing with. Believe me, there are a ton of irrational thoughts I could replace the aforementioned things with. What it comes down to J, is if you want to accept the challenge of being in a relationship with a woman like this. I suspect she feels deeply, she's incredibly sensitive, but her insecurities will make her a challenge. So maybe you have to ask yourself if you can go there or not- because work will have to be done to make your relationship work. With a woman like this I think you have to make her feel loved, make her feel secure- then you have to set boundaries.
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I don't know, Art. She seems pretty honest about things. I could be wrong. But it just seems like she takes things seriously. There's nothing really flaky about her. Except for this blow up, she's been considerate and on time and sweet and caring and up front and totally available. She's had to draw me out in some ways. To have something else going on the side seems pretty Jekyll-and-Hyde, and almost impossible given how much we spent occupying each other's time. And she also never checked her phone when we were together, even once. I have to say I trust her that she hasn't had something else going on. That is all good... Then maybe she is just pulling back because she doesn't really know you all that well yet and she saw something she didn't know how to handle and or didn't like. Misunderstandings can happen quite a bit but we just hope they don't all happen in the beginning while the foundation isn't very strong yet. She may be reorganizing her deal breakers to see if the past event is a deal breaker.. Time will tell...if you spend anymore time together just let it all go, don't dwell on the past happenings and let time smooth it all out and just go and have fun with her.
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 It sounds like she's scared and just isn't handling this well. She cools off and shuts down, runs away. I say, just give her some time and space, see how this plays out.. You two have talked, though I'm not sure where things stand or where things will go from here from what you've said so far. Don't think she's a player or a manipulator, more like she's had some yucky experiences and doesn't want to get hurt. Maybe things moved abit too quickly and it got too intense.. If you like her and think she's worth it, give her the space she needs to figure it out..Let her know that you are interested and care about her, but also make it clear that you aren't going to chase her. She knows where to find you.
welikeincrowds Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I agree with the bolded part. No one can truly understand what this girl is like without being inside her head and having her life experiences. She demonstrates some pushing behaviours, some testing behaviours- some of which could have to do with past trauma. She demonstrates some insecurity issues- which, let's face it, everyone that has been hurt has- and we all manifest our trust issues differently. Someone else said earlier- make a girl feel safe and secure, and she's going to be a better gf. I believe that to be true. Then the importance of boundaries, expectations, etc come into play. Men and women think differently, and we manifest our problems and insecurities differently, we drag our baggage differently. What I want to know is how you knew she talked to a guy at a party for a little too long- did she tell you that? I couldn't imagine telling someone I was seeing that piece of info. Not because I'd want to hide anything- but because I wouldn't want to make the guy I am dating to feel insecure. I see that as a bit of a red flag- the fact that she must have brought it up to get a response from you. By telling you that, she's trying to elicit jealousy and response, and I don't think that's cool. It's the same as if a guy would tell a girl he is seeing that he thinks other chicks are hot- it's MEANT to instill jealousy in the other person. Only very insecure people play this card. I think what you have in front of you is an insecure girl. I think she's testing you with the push-pull stuff. I think she's been hurt in the past, and as much as she's wanting to move forward with you, her vulnerability is causing her to act in ways that are unsavoury. It completely explains the withdrawl after a vulnerable moment. She probably woke up the next morning after a night of connection and had crazy thoughts like the following: "oh my god, last night was amazing, I could get used to this, he's cute, and he takes care of himself, I don't, and I feel fat- he could probably land a thinner girl" "I really like this guy, how wonderful- omg, wait- I like this guy and because I do I am giving him the power to hurt me, I hate hurt, maybe I shouldn't go there" "I really like this guy- but what does he see in me, maybe I should run now before he hurts me". Ah, the diaries of an insecure girl. Maybe this is what you're dealing with. Believe me, there are a ton of irrational thoughts I could replace the aforementioned things with. What it comes down to J, is if you want to accept the challenge of being in a relationship with a woman like this. I suspect she feels deeply, she's incredibly sensitive, but her insecurities will make her a challenge. So maybe you have to ask yourself if you can go there or not- because work will have to be done to make your relationship work. With a woman like this I think you have to make her feel loved, make her feel secure- then you have to set boundaries. This is a fantastic post. After seeing this discussion unfold I feel like it was unwise for me to bring up the possibility of her being a player.
Author johan Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 I don't know what she is. My thoughts on her go all over the place. I think what it boils down to is I don't know her, and I should be wary. She might be a sweet girl wrapped in a shell of insecurity. She could be a player who wears a nice girl suit sometimes. She might have liked me and then lost interest after sex, or lost respect because I was too nice. Maybe she's just confused. Maybe she's a latent b*tch. I can go back through the artifacts and see evidence of all those things. If you had asked me a week ago who she is, I would have answered with confidence: she's an honest, sweet, hard-working girl, whose kisses are so perfect and who really likes me and isn't afraid to show it. But if the only experience I had of her started on Saturday, I'd say she's pretty cold and distant and angry. Maybe my problem is mostly me. Maybe I need to live a different life and be stronger. Looking at my life to this point, it would be easy to conclude that I'm cursed when it comes to love. I get attached to problem women. I turn away from women I could rely on. I'm sometimes a pushover. I'm so easy to screw with, and I try hard to fix any stupid problem a woman creates. I don't know if I could hope for change. I recognized some of these things in myself when I was younger. I could never overcome them. It's built into who I am; all based on some beliefs I formed about the world that I don't even realize I have. I think the smart thing is for me to not hide from my curse, but to confront it. I should date as much as I can and just burn off this nasty black cloud. I believe what I wrote in my anger thread. Sometimes you have to push through, past the threshold, find your limits and then use what you learn to be a different person. At least I'd like to think I could do that. I think I'll start by becoming an LS moderator.
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I think I'll start by becoming an LS moderator. At least you haven't lost your sense of humor!
snug.bunny Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) She changed totally on week 5. We had a good night together and really got to know each other's bodies. I stayed overnight at her place. And then the next morning, she was transformed back into a total stranger. She was cold and distant. And I left. Can you elaborate on this a bit? Was the first instance, where she was cold/distant, the very next morning following sexual relations? Or, were the other instances as well? And, what was her behavior like, that you perceived as cold/distant. I've been confused. I didn't know how to respond to her behavior. I don't act like that. I didn't get angry or call her on it. I went quiet for a day. Partly a dumb game and partly because I didn't think a response was deserved. Well, actually you did act like that: I got insecure once when she went out to a party. It turned out she spent time talking to some other guy, which really is to be expected, but still got to me. I tried to bury my insecurities, but I couldn't and they were there for us both to see. In your defense though, you did prompt a discussion with her about it, on your own accord, so you put forth the effort to rectify it. Sounds like there may be a bit of a break down in communication here, based on what you've wrote. It may be nothing, or there may be more to it. Edited April 22, 2011 by snug.bunny
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I dated my way out of my own black cloud. It took me around 40 men in the span of less than a year though
daphne Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I don't know. I think I dated my way into a black cloud. It can leave you with a bad taste in your mouth and stereotypes you wish you didn't have about the opposite gender. I say you finish what you started with this girl and try to make things light and fun again and see if she lightens up and communicates better.
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Maybe my problem is mostly me. Maybe I need to live a different life and be stronger. Looking at my life to this point, it would be easy to conclude that I'm cursed when it comes to love. I get attached to problem women. I turn away from women I could rely on. I'm sometimes a pushover. I'm so easy to screw with, and I try hard to fix any stupid problem a woman creates. Not sure whether your proposed solution will work, but from what I've read of you here, I think you've hit on the problem. I know guys like this, and they're mostly nice, totally great, fantastic guys. . . . with love lives filled with drama and misery. (Same thing as women who want to fix-up the commitmentphobic guys, really. Except broken women haven't been as stigmatized in recent pop culture; not that commitmentphobic guys aren't sometimes celebrated in moves and TV, too.) Whatever happens with this girl, don't try to fix her. That's why I disagree a bit with those who say to try to make her more secure. You cannot make a person more secure. Certainly you shouldn't exhibit behaviors that would make any healthy person insecure (which is why I understand your insecurity if she was flirting with someone at a party and you became aware of it, especially if she told you about it---that's a normal trigger for insecurity), but it doesn't sound like you did; it sounds like all her insecurites are her own. You cannot change that AT ALL. This, I know. A lot of women are (wrongly) waiting for a man to come and change their insecurities around, so making a gal secure can help in the short-term certainly if you actively try to do so. For a few, who meet a match who's just right, maybe it works out, but I still think it adds a dash of stormy drama to the beginning of the relationship that doesn't need to be there. But not all women are, or even most women. As far as my 'black cloud', personally, mine lifted when I figured out that nobody could fix my problems and I couldn't fix anybody else's.
welikeincrowds Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 As far as my 'black cloud', personally, mine lifted when I figured out that nobody could fix my problems and I couldn't fix anybody else's. This is also my black cloud, or at least one of my many. (I wear black and cry tears of blood into my diary.) I don't want to make this about me, but I think I need to give a quick back story to make my point: I lived with my mom as an only child to a single parent. My earliest memories of the relationship between my mom and dad are of her either tense and screaming or slumped up against the wall crying on the corded phone. She was later engaged, but broke it off with him when she found that he was adulterous. She finally married, but that marriage also did not last long. My mother has never found happiness in a man; or, in a circuitous way, the only happiness she has ever found in a man is me. This has set the stage for a string of quixotic relationships, where I try to save my mother (and my childhood) in effigy, by dating broken women and trying to fix them. Which is just a horrible thing. Since learning about this cycle and trying to address it (for years now), I've come to realize how pervasive the "white knight" fantasy is. It's in so many places and expresses itself in so many small moments, like the one by your bedside (where she asked you if you were going to leave). It's not a bad thing, I don't think, to want to feel protected by your man every once and a while. But I'm like a recovering addict for that stuff. That's why I reacted in such a way to her bedside comment (and apparently you have a similar motivation, zengirl). That's why I too am curious and skeptical about a supposed chain of events where you prove how good and/or noble you are in order to bring her back into your arms. It either really is a very bad thing worth avoiding, or I'm just overcompensating. In the spirit of full disclosure, you now have my bias.
zengirl Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 This is also my black cloud, or at least one of my many. (I wear black and cry tears of blood into my diary.) I don't want to make this about me, but I think I need to give a quick back story to make my point: I lived with my mom as an only child to a single parent. My earliest memories of the relationship between my mom and dad are of her either tense and screaming or slumped up against the wall crying on the corded phone. She was later engaged, but broke it off with him when she found that he was adulterous. She finally married, but that marriage also did not last long. My mother has never found happiness in a man; or, in a circuitous way, the only happiness she has ever found in a man is me. This has set the stage for a string of quixotic relationships, where I try to save my mother (and my childhood) in effigy, by dating broken women and trying to fix them. Which is just a horrible thing. Since learning about this cycle and trying to address it (for years now), I've come to realize how pervasive the "white knight" fantasy is. It's in so many places and expresses itself in so many small moments, like the one by your bedside (where she asked you if you were going to leave). It's not a bad thing, I don't think, to want to feel protected by your man every once and a while. But I'm like a recovering addict for that stuff. That's why I reacted in such a way to her bedside comment (and apparently you have a similar motivation, zengirl). That's why I too am curious and skeptical about a supposed chain of events where you prove how good and/or noble you are in order to bring her back into your arms. It either really is a very bad thing worth avoiding, or I'm just overcompensating. In the spirit of full disclosure, you now have my bias. Hmm. . . I'm not sure where my 'bias' comes from. I've been a broken girl, and I've certainly dated broken men. Most people are broken, in one form or another, at one time or another (I mean in relatively minor ways). I've certainly seen my fair share of unhealthy relationships, men, and women but also plenty of great ones. I think it just takes a lot of trial and error to figure out the difference between being compassionate, caring, and helpful to people and trying to 'fix' or 'save' them from their own problems (or look to anyone for salvation from yours). Sort of just something you live and learn. I'm also skeptical of anytime you have to prove anything to a partner. At that point, I figure it's already too late. (Especially if it happens early on.)
Author johan Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Ok, I guess I've tried all my tricks. Those of you who thought she needed reassurance that I wasn't going to abandon her were wrong. With each reassurance she just becomes more of a b*tch. It's like I've become someone to be despised. As if I don't have any feelings or opinions that matter. She's free to cut off conversations without even so much as an excuse me. Or a sorry. Or a thank you. Or any concern for anything about me. But she still sends texts to let me know what she's up to. She doesn't want to break things off. It's like she's waiting for me to snap. Our conversations are like I'm on the other end of her Twitter feed. It's not a conversation. When I respond, I get nothing in return. When I sent her an email to let her know "where I stand", she didn't respond with "oh gosh, I'm so sorry I never would want to make you feel that way." Instead it was about how it was all my fault. She was the jerk. She freaked out about something (actually really serious) today, and when I helped out, there was no "Thanks". And so I say to hell with that. I've found my limit. She doesn't want an honorable, caring guy who wants to be close and likes affection. She doesn't want to have things in common. She wants to be dominated and disrespected. She wants someone who doesn't really care too much about her. She wants someone who would never even try the honorable, caring guy approach as a first option. The way I feel right now, I'd be happy to give that a go. I'm actually really in the mood to send some abuse her way. I'm really angry at her for this, and the temptation to turn the tables is really high. But I can't help being angry at myself. Just like the bitter guys who whine about how "women like jerks" are mostly angry at themselves. The reason those guys sound so miserable is because they are carrying around so much self-pity. They never found a way to release the anger that would actually cause them to be jerks. They just turn it on themselves. But it sounds so pathetic to whine about it, and then defend yourself. All you're doing is telling everybody that it's your God-given right to be meek and self-hating. Fine. If that's what you want. But honestly, if you never get that anger out it will eat you up like a cancer. Do I want to be a jerk? Never. But I also don't want to be hooked by a total snot who plays nice at first. This has been going on for me since Sunday, and I have yet to really draw the line for her. If I had responded to her on Sunday as if I had no respect for her, she'd probably be on her best behavior right now. Maybe some people will be surprised at the tone of this post. I hate the "nice guy" versus "jerks" stereotypical BS. But there's truth in it, which is the lesson I'm being taught again. I just feel kind of used and embarrassed and ashamed of myself. When she figured out she wasn't interested in me, she also decided she wasn't obligated to show any respect for me anymore. Not only is it a rejection, but it's a kick in the balls each day for the hell of it.
Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I'm really disappointed for you, J. When you think about it as though 1/5 (the 5th week) of your relationship you've felt like this, it's so not worth it to keep trying. It really does sound like you've given it your best shot... and a pretty awesome shot that was.
Kamille Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 There's never any reason to put up with unnecessary drama. As with any relationship, your sanity comes first. You tried your best, you were honest and you honored the relationship you thought you two could have. She hasn't. Sorry J. But glad you're not putting up with poor behavior.
Art_Critic Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 And so I say to hell with that. I've found my limit. Sorry she seems like such a ****. Knowing where your limit is puts you miles ahead of the next guy who will step into your shoes. Time to disappear...
Citizen Erased Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I am quite curious to hear what she thought was your fault..but anyway it's without a doubt her loss.
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