sookiedallas Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I'm not usually one to post in online forums, but I really need to know if anyone can help me, I really could use your advice. Okay, this is going to be quite a long post, but I need you to understand the context to really be able to help me. My best friend from college lives near Chicago, so I went to spend a week with her during the summer a couple of years ago. I met my current boyfriend during that time, and we had an instant connection right from the start. I was so sad when I had to leave Chicago (I'm originally from Texas) because I just knew this guy was unlike any other guy I had ever met. We talked on the phone and through Skype daily, and later that summer I went back to visit him. We spent an entire week together, and it was pure bliss. I had a very fun time, and yes, we did sleep with each other. Unfortunately, I had a job in Texas that I needed to get back to, so we kept a long distance relationship going. We talked daily, texted all day and Skyped as often as my work schedule would allow. He then told me in November that he had fallen in love with me and wanted us to find a way to be together. So, like a fool in love, I saved up as much money as I could and moved to Chicago to be with him. Things worked out perfectly, we moved into our own apartment, and both he and I returned to school at the graduate level..thinking we had the world at our feet. Then *CRASH*, I find something devastating one evening on his computer. He had many, many, many pornographic pictures of his ex-girlfriend saved on his computer, all sent to him during the time that we were talking (that summer when I first met him through when I went to live with him). He told me that she had really wanted him back during that time, and that he still talked to her because he "felt bad for her, she didn't have that many friends". He said the pictures meant "nothing to him" and that "he's only a man" and they were "only porn to him". Still, I am hurt beyond belief. I moved my entire life to be with this person because he said that he loved me and wanted us to make our relationship work. Why then would he feel the need to receive pictures like that from his ex-girlfriend? I just feel like such a fool. I feel like I didn't have the power to make a fully informed decision, and I was cheated in someway. If I had known he was still talking and receiving/sending pictures with his ex-girlfriend, I would have never moved to Chicago in the first place!! But here's the real kicker. I was so devastated when I found these pictures (I really thought this guy was "the one"), that I took a week leave from classes and drove home to Texas to decompress with my family and old friends from high school. WELL, I ran into a guy that I used to have a crush on in high school, but never in a million years thought would like me back. Turns out I was wrong, I was with a group of friends, and this guy told me that the had a crush on me, pulled me into kiss him and told me that "he's been wanting to do that for years". I was floored! The guy from high school would like me to come home for the summer to date. It sound like a wonderful idea, but my current boyfriend (the a**hole) is begging for my forgiveness and told me that he loves me, wants to marry me and have children with me. Well, what do I do? Do I take the chance on a**hole and see if we can work things out (even though I'm still SO SO SO angry), or should I go home for the summer and see what happens with high school guy?--honestly, the thought of him completely excites me. Any advice will be helpful, I'd appreciate any thoughts. And I plan on returning the favor to as many as I can, I just stumbled upon this site tonight.
maysj18 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Okay, first of all, how much time had you and this guy spent together face to face? It sounds like you only went up there one time to hang out with him and only him? If that's the case, then moving was a crazy mistake. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 and a half years and you don't realize how much you really DON'T know someone until you live together. While having guts is good and all, moving to be with someone you hardly know (I don't care how often you skype or talk on the phone) is ridiculous. As for the pictures, he saved them on his computer, it wasn't like his ex-girlfriend hacked his computer and put them on there. That was all him. Huge red flag! Why not ask her directly and see if he reciprocated? Or ask a close friend of his that you trust? It seems like he would have had to reciprocate in some way for her to keep sending them, you know? I mean, you really have nothing to lose by asking. I say that if you get weird or sketchy answers you pack up and go back home. Consider it a lesson learned.
Woman In Blue Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Sookie - how about you make a decision for your own future based NOT on a man, but what's best for YOU? As you get older, you'll find that it's more important to make decisions based on what will benefit YOU. Moving to Chicago only to find out this guy is a horse's ass was a huge let-down, but it proves my point that you can't make decisions based on GUYS. If you choose to move back home to Texas, DON'T do it for some high school crush from 8 or 10 years ago. Do it because you want to move back home. Never pin your hopes and dreams on a guy because sooner or later, the chances are, he WILL let you down.
Author sookiedallas Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Sookie - how about you make a decision for your own future based NOT on a man, but what's best for YOU? Thank you, that's exactly what I needed to hear right now.
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