ddevil Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 ok I am going to TRY to keep this short and sweet. If details are requested I can post them up. I'm 28, my ex "E" is going on 21. we dated for 3 years. She broke up with me February 22nd. our families mesh together very well. She reiterated over and over it wasn't about getting with other people, but she feels she needs to find independence. (I am not a controlling boyfriend.. she has freedom to speak, hang and do what she wishes). she is away at school, so I don't get to see her very often. (i used to visit her on campus very often, but that has dwindled as her school work increased). For the first month she was very upset, called me constantly and kept making me promise to understand what was going on. That she was doing this for us, she apologized for putting me through this and continually blames herself saying she's "messed up in the head and needs to sort herself out". I would tell her I missed her, and make sure she knew that I still loved her, etc. She would freely say it back to me. Within the past few weeks she has been seeming more and more distant. She even went so far as to stop using the L word when I break form and use it. I use the L word only when she's upset and I feel she needs a pick-me-up. I want to be there for her, but it upsets me when she doesn't return the word if I throw it out there. This has happened on two occasions, both times I brought it up and asked her about it. I told her it hurts that when I put my neck out and make myself vulnerable she doesn't say it back to me unless I pry it out of her. She said that just because she doesn't say it, doesn't mean she doesn't feel it. I don't know if I buy it. I was supposed to see "E" one weekend but she cancelled plans 2 days before. I was hurt, and I slept with another girl. It made me miss "E" even more. "E" was very adament in telling me when we broke up that she didn't expect me to wait for her, and that if something happened with another girl she didn't want to know or hear about it. I have absolutely no feelings for this other girl. I regret my decision immensely. I think that my decision was based around the thought that "E" initiated this break up, told me not to wait for her, AND has been withdrawing steadily. I thought maybe playing it single and hooking up would make me feel better, but it backfired. The most recent time I saw "E" was very hard on me. I could tell she was still trying to distance herself from me in how she acted. She apologized for cancelling plans from the previous weekend, and eventually we were cuddling and when I left that night we made out a bit. During our hug however, there was little pressure in the hug from her. The following day she still seemed rather distant during our usual LC texts. I called "E" the following evening and suggested that we not talk. I feel as tho I've been a support group for "E" while she gets over me. I do not want to do this to make it easier for her and simultaneously make it exponentially harder for myself. When I suggested NC to "E", I mentioned these points, and she said she understood, and that she would do whatever she could to help me through this. Its been 6 days since NC started, and I have already heard from friends that "E" is asking about me. She even went out of her way to 'like' a picture I posted of myself on my facebook page (she blocked my activity updates in her newsfeed). I have had absolutely zero contact with her. I do NOT goto her facebook page, or any other pages of her online presence. I talked to her mom last week (the same day I instituted NC) but since then I have no contact with any of her friends or immediate family. Before NC started, we discussed hanging out the day before Easter. Its our first holiday apart, and I know its going to be extremely tough. I am debating if I should stick to these plans. my questions: I know I started NC, but can I break it without appearing weak? Can you break NC and possibly go back to LC? Noticing her withdraw from me is the hardest thing to deal with, especially seeing her live her life without me (she's told me the same thing). Our relationship was good.. we never had huge fights, but when we argued we would always manage to reach mutual agreements. She acts very mature for her age, but I think her age and our age difference is just finally catching up with us and me. Should I stick to our original plans and see her before Easter? I could take that opportunity to either talk about our current situation and what move we should make next, OR play it like a cool cucumber and appear aloof while we hang to kind of shock her into realizing that she's losing me. I feel like she has broken up with me, yet has not really felt the consequence of not having me around anymore.. a big reason why I instituted NC. Any insight would be helpful, I apologize for the extremely long post.
Google1000 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 It's pretty simple. DO NOT CONTACT HER. DO NOT TEXT HER. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY OF HER TEXTS! Go out with other girls (even if just as friends) and post pictures on facebook. Make "E" think that you are living a great life and not paying any attention to her. You have dug yourself into a huge hole by talking to her and comforting her. I can say this from experience: If you talk to her or comfort her at all, it may make you feel a bit better and give you hope, but in the end you will be without your ex. When my ex of 4+ years broke up with me, she started going absolutely nuts and contacting me all the time when she found out that I was hanging out with other girls only a few weeks after the break up. In the end, she never ended up coming back to me, but I think she knows that I am living a better and more fun life than her. And she has to live with that.
Author ddevil Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 It sickens me to think that we're basically playing games at this point when our relationship was so good. NC has worked wonders for helping me to accept the fact that she's gone and begin my emotional healing process. Its getting easier and easier to cope with (its been about 2 months, but NC, again, was only implemented 6 days ago). But on the same note, I will admit that I want her back. I don't want to completely let go, or make her think I have completely let go. I've dealt with a break up from a serious relationship before this, but I want to say that one was almost easier because I ended up hating the girl for crap she pulled at the end.
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