ALonerAgain Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I do. I'm not talking about being invited to someone's 'special' event (ie. birthdays, weddings, gigs, etc). But just having a friend invite you out 'for the hell of it', just to hang out with you and only you. Don't get me wrong: I love being invited to events or small gatherings. But sometimes I wish that some of my friends would offer to just hang out with me for my company - not just so that they can 'fill the numbers'. It seems to be me who does most of the reaching out in my friendships. Although there are a couple who have asked me to have lunch/coffee with them on occasion, I can't help but get the feeling that I'm just 'there' and if I didn't pop up and say 'hi - wanna hang out?' they wouldn't ever bother. Anyone else have this concern?
orangelady Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I do. I'm not talking about being invited to someone's 'special' event (ie. birthdays, weddings, gigs, etc). But just having a friend invite you out 'for the hell of it', just to hang out with you and only you. Don't get me wrong: I love being invited to events or small gatherings. But sometimes I wish that some of my friends would offer to just hang out with me for my company - not just so that they can 'fill the numbers'. It seems to be me who does most of the reaching out in my friendships. Although there are a couple who have asked me to have lunch/coffee with them on occasion, I can't help but get the feeling that I'm just 'there' and if I didn't pop up and say 'hi - wanna hang out?' they wouldn't ever bother. Anyone else have this concern? Yes, but give us more of your personality background. Do people naturally want to follow you?
Author ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) Yes, but give us more of your personality background. Do people naturally want to follow you? OK, to put things into better context:- I'm naturally introverted, being more comfortable in my own company than hanging out with (big or more extroverted) groups of people.However, if I get deep into an interesting conversation with someone, I can talk for ages!I grew up not really having any close friends. The ones that did ended up 'betraying' me or not being a true friend.I suffer from low-self esteem, yet when I had an honest conversation with one of my old school friends, she didn't ever see me that way as I always seem quite confident.I learnt by observing others: the 'others' now still want to chase guys, or just talk about superficial stuff.People have described me as being, 'sweet' or 'funny'.I see myself as being the same; try to be a good listener - but can also be passive (going along with the group) or a bit 'quiet', which some may perceive as being distant. At the moment I'm going through a spiritual journey, so am acknowledging my behaviours and reactions towards people and situations, more now than ever. Over the last couple of years, I have tried putting myself more 'out there' by organising meet-ups and classes for my hobby. Yet, although I have met the most incredible, inspiring people, I still can't seem to 'attract' those who would want to spend time with 'me'. I think for me now, I'm trying to make genuine, lasting friendships - not just the 'high-school/college' type ones where you talk about what you've been up to, places you've gone, people you've met. Don't get me wrong: I love that talk too - but sometimes I just wish people would connect more with me on a more emotional level. I know a lot of this desire goes back to (my lack of) emotional connections with family and peers in my childhood. So, in answer to your question, no, I'm not a natural leader. I tend to lack a 'presence' with people. So I've had to work extra hard at being noticed. Hence the reason why I'm attracted to more retro fashions and unusual hobbies (my main one is hula-hooping). Edited April 23, 2011 by ALonerAgain
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