StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) Dreaming of tigers.... remember when you were commenting on my "posting style" and I set you straight with the following... Then I guess its unfortunate you see it that way because thats not what it is... I go in...I say my views... people get their feathers in a ruffle because I'm contrary to popular opinion here and I dont tow party lines.... people pile up on me with their "genuine logic" i counter their arguments with my logic....then they say "you're angry" because they are at a loss of words ... Now look at HA22's "contribution" Did something happen to you to make you such a Prick? and.. Idk..no explanation,you just are:) ......... Case in point Edited April 27, 2011 by StoneCold
dreamingoftigers Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Dreaming of tigers.... remember when you were commenting on my "posting style" and I set you straight with the following... Now look at HA22's "contribution" and.. ......... Case in point[/quote I see your point applied to this case. But on the other hand because 'x' is 'x' and 'y' is 'y' X acting like X does not mean that Y is not Y. IOW the reactions of one don't mean that the behavior of another isn't observable. I don't even let me off the hook, I sure as heck ain't letting you off of it. I like studying behaviour and the factors behind it and the results of it I would say in this case clearly you difference of opinion triggered her.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Maybe its just the way you try to sound like your full of wisdom and logic,when really its a bunch of Crap! Maybe its the way you put it out there,in your condecending way !maybe your not even real,maybe your just trying to stir the pot,or maybe its really the way you feel and in your own mind it realky is logical,whatever the reason,its still crap ,I don't have to hear what I eant to hear,I know the truth and I've excepted it,at least I don't have lies and deception anymore at leadt I'm at piece..
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) Maybe its just the way you try to sound like your full of wisdom and logic,when really its a bunch of Crap! Maybe its the way you put it out there,in your condecending way !maybe your not even real,maybe your just trying to stir the pot,or maybe its really the way you feel and in your own mind it realky is logical,whatever the reason,its still crap ,I don't have to hear what I eant to hear,I know the truth and I've excepted it,at least I don't have lies and deception anymore at leadt I'm at piece.. yeah ok its crap because its not what you want to hear ...and I'm the "prick" thats full of myself? LMFAO Edited April 27, 2011 by StoneCold
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 yeah ok its crap because its not what you want to hear ...and I'm the "prick" thats full of myself? LMFAO And what exactly do I want to Hear? You use that argument often..I've heard it all nothing suprises me anymore
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Hey if I'm not full of myself,who else will be...hehe ok now I'm just getting silly,think ill have a glass of win!e:)
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 And what exactly do I want to Hear? You use that argument often..I've heard it all nothing suprises me anymore I dont know you tell me.... ,I don't have to hear what I eant to hear,.. you said it right there
Spark1111 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Maybe its just the way you try to sound like your full of wisdom and logic,when really its a bunch of Crap! Maybe its the way you put it out there,in your condecending way !maybe your not even real,maybe your just trying to stir the pot,or maybe its really the way you feel and in your own mind it realky is logical,whatever the reason,its still crap ,I don't have to hear what I eant to hear,I know the truth and I've excepted it,at least I don't have lies and deception anymore at leadt I'm at piece.. Stonecold is indicative of many a person who believes both parties are responsible for the demise of a marriage and cheating is a natural result of those hurtful and erosive actions. That can be true in many cases. But not in all. If I were to list all my hardships, trials and tribulations in my relationship pre-affair, everyone would assume I would have had the affair. Yet, I did not, despite ample opportunity to do so. Maybe I should have, just to prove people like StoneCold right. However, I am of the camp that I own my behaviors, choose my life in the way that best suits me and my integrity to myself. I do not care what the rest of the world is doing or why. I can only be responsible for myself. Where is his argument is sophmoric is that it does not allow that affairs can and often do happen in good marriages; where the issues lie with the unexpressed unhappiness of the cheater; with the blaiming of a good and devoted spouse used as an excuse to engage in an affair anyway. The view is unbalanced and rigid. And terribly unempathetic to the original poster. And he has to be right, no matter who offers dissenting opinions.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I dont know you tell me.... you said it right there The only thing I want to hear is the crickets outside my window,going to bed:)
Spark1111 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Idk,my kids who are older say they felt betayed So did mine. It is the normal and typical reaction of older children who have already internalized what is right and wrong and make their own decisions about infidelity. Generally, they despise it. And neither parent has to say or spin the scenario to have it happen. Think back to high school: the very worst and violent fights among male teenagers is over a girls who has promised herself to one but is lured away by another. The topic of conversation among countless female teens is the girl who lures another girl away from the boyfriend. The names they call her and the way they ostracize her is not pretty at all. Mom and Dad should be different, or understood at a more adult level? You are dreaming!
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 However, I am of the camp that I own my behaviors, choose my life in the way that best suits me and my integrity to myself. I do not care what the rest of the world is doing or why. I can only be responsible for myself. . Funny I'm in that camp too Where is his argument is sophmoric is that it does not allow that affairs can and often do happen in good marriages; where the issues lie with the unexpressed unhappiness of the cheater; with the blaiming of a good and devoted spouse used as an excuse to engage in an affair anyway. The view is unbalanced and rigid. And terribly unempathetic to the original poster. And he has to be right, no matter who offers dissenting opinions. uh uh uh..... show me where exactly I said that an affair can never happen in a good marriage. I'm talking about likelihood but apparently someone wasnt reading
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) Think back to high school: the very worst and violent fights among male teenagers is over a girls who has promised herself to one but is lured away by another. The topic of conversation among countless female teens is the girl who lures another girl away from the boyfriend. The names they call her and the way they ostracize her is not pretty at all. This is done out of a sense of terrirtory and immaturity.... has nothing to do with "cheating" per se.... there are many things kids get into fights about but it always seems to get back to "territory"...girls/boys, gangs, stealing friends...not to mention most of the trash talk amongst women resides in cutting down girls they see as a threat even though she hasnt even done anything wrong..... "oh look at her tits hanging out...shes a slut".... "I heard she doesnt wear underwear what a slack ho" thats 99% of female bitching. Its all territory.... Edited April 27, 2011 by StoneCold
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Generally, they despise it. Thats only if they know nothing of their parents relationship and more often than not thats the case as parents now try their hardest to not fight in front of the kids or publicly go at it. Eventually the kids wise up and figure things out and their opinion tends to change. My dad cheated on my mom and that happened back when I wasnt even the type to cheat and I did not feel betrayed..at all....but of course I knew that my parents relationship was a sham...my mom was no angel, neither was dad. Only difference there is I knew the whole truth.... I didnt feel betrayed because: A) I understood that my parents relationship with each other has nothing to do with my relationship with them. and B) I understood that my dad will always be my dad and hes a damn good dad at that... I never had any complaints with the life he provided me and I am very grateful for that
Spark1111 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 This is done out of a sense of terrirtory and immaturity.... has nothing to do with "cheating" per se.... there are many things kids get into fights about but it always seems to get back to "territory"...girls/boys, gangs, stealing friends...not to mention most of the trash talk amongst women resides in cutting down girls they see as a threat even though she hasnt even done anything wrong..... "oh look at her tits hanging out...shes a slut".... "I heard she doesnt wear underwear what a slack ho" thats 99% of female bitching. Its all territory.... And fortunately or unfortunately, it does not change as they grown into adulthood or among many, many adults. All of which does not answer this question, whether as a child, teenager, or adult: Why hide your feelings for another? Why deceive? It is the betrayal and lies that hurt worse than having feelings or sex with another. Why hide those feelings? Why not tell the truth? Break-up, separate, divorce and be truthful. Even young kids know the difference between telling the truth and lying.
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Why hide your feelings for another? Why deceive? It is the betrayal and lies that hurt worse than having feelings or sex with another. Why hide those feelings? Why not tell the truth? Break-up, separate, divorce and be truthful. Even young kids know the difference between telling the truth and lying. why do we do many of the messed up sh*t we do to each other (this includes you unless of course you are the second coming of jesus christ)? We do it because it suits us.....for the good the bad and the ugly....and as I said...this applies to everybody; the only thing that is different is our limitations and which is worse than which all boils down to a matter of opinion. Cheating to me is just a line item on a list
dreamingoftigers Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Thats only if they know nothing of their parents relationship and more often than not thats the case as parents now try their hardest to not fight in front of the kids or publicly go at it. Eventually the kids wise up and figure things out and their opinion tends to change. My dad cheated on my mom and that happened back when I wasnt even the type to cheat and I did not feel betrayed..at all....but of course I knew that my parents relationship was a sham...my mom was no angel, neither was dad. Only difference there is I knew the whole truth.... I didnt feel betrayed because: A) I understood that my parents relationship with each other has nothing to do with my relationship with them. and B) I understood that my dad will always be my dad and hes a damn good dad at that... I never had any complaints with the life he provided me and I am very grateful for that I felt a deep sense of bitterness for my family unit. My siblings are both autistic and my brother is brain injured and lives on a hospital bed in my parent's living room. My mother often took care of him because government funding did not provide 24 hours supports for him. My father had always been a selfish prick and seeing the way he treated all of us as I was growing up was abhorrent. The stress and misery that he constantly put my mother through was abhorrent and she stuck by him day and night defending his selfish ass. While she watched his disabled son, which he rarely did, he saw fit to spend thousands on his little mistress and avoid my mother. It was the last slap and insult to her. And the worst one. He had relegated her position in his life to that of the staff. I couldn't stand by and watch one member of my family abuse another without being disgusted and offended any more then I could not be disgusted and offended by his adultery. And he had the nerve to blame her. It offended me to watch him jeopardize the care and location of my disabled siblings and spend money on his whore instead of at the very least hire someone part time to give my mother relief. Further to that I was the lucky one that caught him and no, I did not go hunting nor ask to be put in that position. Like most people when distracted with lust, he got sloppy, ridiculously so. And unlike my mother who naively followed him because he could gaslight her at the drop of a hat, I didn't believe him for 10 seconds. The old man made me sick. The only good thing about it is that my mother did put her foot down and he wasn't expecting that. She hadn't put her foot down in 31 years at that point so he thought that he was golden. He thought that she would never take the kids away and sue his ass for support money. He was wrong. Not that he had had much of a track record for guessing social and relational things before. There were blessings because of this. He went nuts at the possibility of losing my mother. For all of his stupidity and disregard for her, he actually was heavily dependent on her and very much needed her. He has gone for two years of intense therapy and has become a much more tolerable human being. His behaviour is much more acceptable and we don't have shaming arguments. He doesn't call me when he is drunk anymore. My mother no longer defends him as a "golden man." It seems like there are two human beings living at my parent's place now. The air doesn't crackle with tension waiting for my father to explode. As much as I do not agree with infidelity and as much as I keep a stance on it that tells people to deal with their conflicts instead of triangulating, I will say this: if my mother had had the affair, I think that secretly I would have been kind of proud of her for standing up to the old man even in such a lousy passive-agressive way. That is only because of how he treated her for so long. But truly that pride would have been about 10% and the rest a negative reaction. For a lot of years I wanted a Dad, and my Dad didn't step up to the plate, after his affair I actually spat in his face and didn't care after that. Part of it though was that for the 2 months before D-day he did step up when my daughter was born and I thought it was because he was excited to have a grandchild. I believe that the truth was that he was sticking it to his whole family which he resented for the better part of 20 years (I truly believe that he resented my existence for quite some time, especially since he did at one point try to kill me). After I discovered the affair he lashed out at me in odd and unfatherly ways. My husband had a field day for about two weeks. Him and my father did not get along and now he was free to say whatever he wished about him for the most part. Until I caught him doing the same thing 3 weeks later. It wasn't a fun summer. My daughter was 3 months old.
Silly_Girl Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Stonecold is indicative of many a person who believes both parties are responsible for the demise of a marriage and cheating is a natural result of those hurtful and erosive actions. /snip And he has to be right, no matter who offers dissenting opinions. Spark, it's not really my boat to row, and I'm sure SC has set things straight elsewhere, but I have NOT seen him say infidelity is a natural outcome when the M turns bad. I read his posts to say: Take it all in context Infidelity is not the be-all and end-all where crappy marriage behaviour is concerned, other issues can be equally as hurtful/harmful/wrong Bad treatment in the R for one party does not justify the same in return, but it will often contribute And as for - he has to be right.... I think there are some he's engaged with who are much more of that mindset. I think he is simply extremely confident and secure in his own views.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 why do we do many of the messed up sh*t we do to each other (this includes you unless of course you are the second coming of jesus christ)? We do it because it suits us.....for the good the bad and the ugly....and as I said...this applies to everybody; the only thing that is different is our limitations and which is worse than which all boils down to a matter of opinion. Cheating to me is just a line item on a list Why are you married anyway? just curious
confusedinkansas Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Now look at HA22's "contribution" it's funny how when the BS comes here & blasts the WS all over the place..(as if WE were the ones that caused your marriage to fall apart)......then when they don't like what's said or have nothing else to add they resort to name calling. How grown up of you HA Stonecold is indicative of many a person who believes both parties are responsible for the demise of a marriage and cheating is a natural result of those hurtful and erosive actions. That can be true in many cases. But not in all. I'm with Stone. AND - Not all cases though are like this. The BS's who believe that they were the perfect husband or wife, well, I say, good for you. If you really were. We obviously only get one side of the story here. My husband thought he was the most perfect husband on the planet......WRONG! He was far from it & didn't want to hear anything I had to say to try to fix things. It wasn't until after the A & a Separation (that I initiated) that he realized that he played a very big role in what happened.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 it's funny how when the BS comes here & blasts the WS all over the place..(as if WE were the ones that caused your marriage to fall apart)......then when they don't like what's said or have nothing else to add they resort to name calling. How grown up of you HA I'm with Stone. AND - Not all cases though are like this. The BS's who believe that they were the perfect husband or wife, well, I say, good for you. If you really were. We obviously only get one side of the story here. My husband thought he was the most perfect husband on the planet......WRONG! He was far from it & didn't want to hear anything I had to say to try to fix things. It wasn't until after the A & a Separation (that I initiated) that he realized that he played a very big role in what happened. I don't think the OW was the reason for our marriage falling apart, that was all me..me not deciding to stay, i'm the reason for it failing H wanted to make it work..despite Ow's manipulation...like stonecold says..theres two sides, mine just happens to be the right side to me anyway, are you two having an A together, you'd be well suited..
Memphis Raines Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 yeah ok its crap because its not what you want to hear ...and I'm the "prick" thats full of myself? LMFAO its a thread by where HA22 wants to vent about the cheater in her life. Perfectly healthy outlet. and then there is you, someone who wants to take her pain and twist the knife. who cares what the circumstances are. this is a vent thread. no matter what happened, cheating is never justified and the betrayed are entitled to vent a little when triggers cause them pain.
Memphis Raines Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 it's funny how when the BS comes here & blasts the WS all over the place..(as if WE were the ones that caused your marriage to fall apart)......then when they don't like what's said or have nothing else to add they resort to name calling. first, they don't blast a WS because of the state of the marriage. They blast the WS for their decision to cheat. second, gee, when one makes it their mission to take a BS's pain and try to pour salt on an open wound, well gee, do you expect them to send you flowers? I'm with Stone. and every other cheater on this board. My husband thought he was the most perfect husband on the planet......WRONG! He was far from it & didn't want to hear anything I had to say to try to fix things. It wasn't until after the A & a Separation (that I initiated) that he realized that he played a very big role in what happened. you can spout off all day about a BS not being perfect in the marriage, and more times than not, you would be right. Because nobody is perfect in certain aspects of a relationship that are unrelated to the betrayal of cheating. it doesn't, however, excuse or justify someones decision to cheat and the act of cheating itself.
StoneCold Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 you can spout off all day about a BS not being perfect in the marriage, and more times than not, you would be right. Because nobody is perfect in certain aspects of a relationship that are unrelated to the betrayal of cheating. it doesn't, however, excuse or justify someones decision to cheat and the act of cheating itself. jesus
Spark1111 Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 its a thread by where HA22 wants to vent about the cheater in her life. Perfectly healthy outlet. and then there is you, someone who wants to take her pain and twist the knife. who cares what the circumstances are. this is a vent thread. no matter what happened, cheating is never justified and the betrayed are entitled to vent a little when triggers cause them pain. Unfortunately, this is a common opinion among those who cheat or have never learned or educated themselves to the dynamics of an affair. It's the old, what was wrong in your marriage that caused your partner to cheat? And the second, often unspoken sentence: You must have DESERVED it, just like my spouse did.
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