HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Just have to get this off my chest. I hate cheaters, I hate liars, I hate woman who want to be the OW, and men who are the OM! what happend to loyalty, honesty and having some class! I hate that the Ow in my H's life get to move on years later now with their lives and new marriages, and think of me as crazy wife and have no consequences for their actions! I've been molested, date raped, abused, and have had a bad miscarrige, but nothing compares to the way my H's infedelity has made me feel or messed me up! I wish people thought about this before they opend there legs for a married man, or f'd around with a married woman! feewww...thanks
StoneCold Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Just have to get this off my chest. I hate cheaters, I hate liars, I hate woman who want to be the OW, and men who are the OM! what happend to loyalty, honesty and having some class! I hate that the Ow in my H's life get to move on years later now with their lives and new marriages, and think of me as crazy wife and have no consequences for their actions! I've been molested, date raped, abused, and have had a bad miscarrige, but nothing compares to the way my H's infedelity has made me feel or messed me up! I wish people thought about this before they opend there legs for a married man, or f'd around with a married woman! feewww...thanks you're entitled to your opinion but know that theres always two sides to a story
TigerCub Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Just have to get this off my chest. I hate cheaters, I hate liars, I hate woman who want to be the OW, and men who are the OM! what happend to loyalty, honesty and having some class! I hate that the Ow in my H's life get to move on years later now with their lives and new marriages, and think of me as crazy wife and have no consequences for their actions! I've been molested, date raped, abused, and have had a bad miscarrige, but nothing compares to the way my H's infedelity has made me feel or messed me up! I wish people thought about this before they opend there legs for a married man, or f'd around with a married woman! feewww...thanks Its good to get things off your chest. Let it all out I can totally understand why you feel the way you do. So you're still with your cheating husband? Why if his actions have caused you so much pain?
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Its good to get things off your chest. Let it all out I can totally understand why you feel the way you do. So you're still with your cheating husband? Why if his actions have caused you so much pain? oh..lets get this straight, I'm not with him anymore, but it still hurts, Ispent my life with him since the age of 14, it's as if someone has died for me..thats all.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 you're entitled to your opinion but know that theres always two sides to a story yea, I'm aware of the two sides...sometimes theres even 3 or 4 sides, but sides don't matter it's all excuses!
donnamaybe Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 yea, I'm aware of the two sides...sometimes theres even 3 or 4 sides, but sides don't matter it's all excuses! And you know what they say about excuses. They're like a-holes. Everyone's got one. HA, you come here and vent any time you like. We'll always be a shoulder to cry on. I hope you feel better VERY soon.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Yeah that death part really sucks. Took me two years. Glad though that I finally realized that the man I loved was "Dead' Made it easier to deal with the real, live one and kick his ass out the door and into treatment. Often the BS is the last one to see their original spouse "alive." and they don't get why everyone else is saying to leave the sob.
Summer Breeze Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Just have to get this off my chest. I hate cheaters, I hate liars, I hate woman who want to be the OW, and men who are the OM! what happend to loyalty, honesty and having some class! I hate that the Ow in my H's life get to move on years later now with their lives and new marriages, and think of me as crazy wife and have no consequences for their actions! I've been molested, date raped, abused, and have had a bad miscarrige, but nothing compares to the way my H's infedelity has made me feel or messed me up! I wish people thought about this before they opend there legs for a married man, or f'd around with a married woman! feewww...thanks Let me start by saying vent away. We all need to and it's good for all of us to try and support and understand. I have a question for you. I'm not being flippant or disrespectful. Why on earth do you think these OW are thinking about you? Do you really care what they think? If you do, why? What exactly did they do to you? What if it had been a myriad of one night stands and you never had a name or a face could you blame them? Would you be fixated on them-your H would still have cheated but it would have been anonymous. Would that have made his betrayal any easier to take? Believe me I'm not trying to find any fault at all. You have all sorts of hate for all OW and OM and just 1 line for your Hs infidelity. Not your H but for his infidelity. The OW could have been anyone or it could have been 20 anybodies he came across over years on the road. My point is the act and the perpetrator of that act as a betrayal to you was your H. I was in my mid 20s when I found out my xH cheated on me. I knew who and it was someone who we both worked with. It didn't matter who the OW was. If he hadn't made the decision to cheat on me then it wouldn't have happened. It's that simple. Who he was with meant nothing to me because he was the one who was supposed to take care of me. It could be very simplistic but it's how I see it. I share a trauma with you. It happened before I met exH and almost 30 years later it haunts me. His A took me a few years to get over but the other is with me daily, in very bad and unsettling ways. I can't say the A was remotely as bad but I know we're all different and what we feel and think is all different. I think you'll find most of us don't go out looking for people to seduce (I said most). If the person in the M isn't open to having a R it doesn't happen. The final yes or no comes from the WS period. Let me also tell you something else from the OW viewpoint-I don't think of xMMs W poorly at all. The R was with him and to me the life they had was completely separate from my life and his place in it. He never spoke poorly of her and neither did I. She was an innocent in this and he was a b0stard to her for having the A but that never made me feel she was in some way inferior or had me thinking she was some crazy wife. You've got it in your head what they think of you. Number 1 they probably don't think of you as often as you think and number 2 if you do pass through their minds it is probably a zillion miles from waht you assume they're thinking. I know I probably said a lot that didn't help but just don't put thoughts in peoples heads that probably aren't there. The other thing. You're not alone in anything you've gone through. I find it amazing you've gone through what you have and aren't sounding like a lunatic. Vent and if you want to scream and kick at someone who was an OW let me know. You can swear and yell and call me any name under the sun. If it helps you heal just a little it'd be worth it. You're tough. Keep pushing through.
TigerCub Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 oh..lets get this straight, I'm not with him anymore, but it still hurts, Ispent my life with him since the age of 14, it's as if someone has died for me..thats all. I was just asking because you still referred to him as your husband. That's all.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Let me start by saying vent away. We all need to and it's good for all of us to try and support and understand. I have a question for you. I'm not being flippant or disrespectful. Why on earth do you think these OW are thinking about you? Do you really care what they think? If you do, why? What exactly did they do to you? What if it had been a myriad of one night stands and you never had a name or a face could you blame them? Would you be fixated on them-your H would still have cheated but it would have been anonymous. Would that have made his betrayal any easier to take? Believe me I'm not trying to find any fault at all. You have all sorts of hate for all OW and OM and just 1 line for your Hs infidelity. Not your H but for his infidelity. The OW could have been anyone or it could have been 20 anybodies he came across over years on the road. My point is the act and the perpetrator of that act as a betrayal to you was your H. I was in my mid 20s when I found out my xH cheated on me. I knew who and it was someone who we both worked with. It didn't matter who the OW was. If he hadn't made the decision to cheat on me then it wouldn't have happened. It's that simple. Who he was with meant nothing to me because he was the one who was supposed to take care of me. It could be very simplistic but it's how I see it. I share a trauma with you. It happened before I met exH and almost 30 years later it haunts me. His A took me a few years to get over but the other is with me daily, in very bad and unsettling ways. I can't say the A was remotely as bad but I know we're all different and what we feel and think is all different. I think you'll find most of us don't go out looking for people to seduce (I said most). If the person in the M isn't open to having a R it doesn't happen. The final yes or no comes from the WS period. Let me also tell you something else from the OW viewpoint-I don't think of xMMs W poorly at all. The R was with him and to me the life they had was completely separate from my life and his place in it. He never spoke poorly of her and neither did I. She was an innocent in this and he was a b0stard to her for having the A but that never made me feel she was in some way inferior or had me thinking she was some crazy wife. You've got it in your head what they think of you. Number 1 they probably don't think of you as often as you think and number 2 if you do pass through their minds it is probably a zillion miles from waht you assume they're thinking. I know I probably said a lot that didn't help but just don't put thoughts in peoples heads that probably aren't there. The other thing. You're not alone in anything you've gone through. I find it amazing you've gone through what you have and aren't sounding like a lunatic. Vent and if you want to scream and kick at someone who was an OW let me know. You can swear and yell and call me any name under the sun. If it helps you heal just a little it'd be worth it. You're tough. Keep pushing through. tx for your response, ok first, I don't think the Ow think of me oftern anymore it's been years for them, I have to say it may have not been easier, but the first ow was a woman he later introduced me to, and we all became friends..good friends, so yes I blame her as well for keeping her nasty secret and being around me and my kids..I mean how did she looke me in the face? yes it was his fault and I know how he lied, and I did say it's cheaters I hate, not just the ow/om. the other women, I knew all of them most were one nighters, that he worked with but I went to christmas parties and things where they were, in fact there was one party where there were at least 6 women in the same room he cheated with...I feel so stupid, and I guess getting mad at them is better than being felt sorry for..(poor girl she has no idea) that makes me nautious!!, and believe me when there husbands cheat..(wich one already is going through a divorce for that reason) maybe they WILL think of me..gotta love karma!
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 I was just asking because you still referred to him as your husband. That's all. oohh lol I guess I should say soon to be xh, since technically he is not x yet, I guess I feel weird typing that till it's the case.
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 I was just asking because you still referred to him as your husband. That's all. oh and also, How did you think of xmm's wife, just curious,because it makes me crazy to think we had this awful marriage and sex life, when we were on fire most of our marriage..call it ego, it just makes me crazy to think they think they were some goddesses that fulfilled his every need..ugh
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 sorry tigercub that was meant for the last poster..
bentnotbroken Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Yeah that death part really sucks. Took me two years. Glad though that I finally realized that the man I loved was "Dead' Made it easier to deal with the real, live one and kick his ass out the door and into treatment. Often the BS is the last one to see their original spouse "alive." and they don't get why everyone else is saying to leave the sob. I love this! This was my tool for moving on. He simply died. Once the grievng was over it made life a lot easier and the past a lot easier to sit on the curb with the trash.
Irishlove Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 You can't be a victim of your past. You talk to a therapist about it and you move on stronger. Everyone has had painful events and we all have things we can blame things on. It's when we take ownership of ourselves, of our own futures is when the healing begins. Forget about everything and everyone else. Live happy, do things for you. This is the only shot at life you have so live it well (hugs)
QuietSerenity Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 This is why I love this site. I just joined but I'm already fascinated by the big support community. I'm sorry that am not contributing to the thread, HalfAlive22! Thanks for venting. We are all here to help you cope and move on with as much relative ease as possible!!
Memphis Raines Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Just have to get this off my chest. I hate cheaters, I hate liars, I hate woman who want to be the OW, and men who are the OM! what happend to loyalty, honesty and having some class! I hate that the Ow in my H's life get to move on years later now with their lives and new marriages, and think of me as crazy wife and have no consequences for their actions! I've been molested, date raped, abused, and have had a bad miscarrige, but nothing compares to the way my H's infedelity has made me feel or messed me up! I wish people thought about this before they opend there legs for a married man, or f'd around with a married woman! feewww...thanks F'n A HA22!!! You get it off your chest. I have the same disgust for them as you do. You are not alone. besides, what is to love about people that don't give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves?
WorldIsYours Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 F'n A HA22!!! You get it off your chest. I have the same disgust for them as you do. You are not alone. besides, what is to love about people that don't give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves? Damn right.
Memphis Raines Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 you're entitled to your opinion but know that theres always two sides to a story and you must think that the cheating side, or the affair partner's side justifies the wrongdoing of another person?
Memphis Raines Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 "have to vent..sorry for the vulgarity!" and don't worry about any "vulgarity". Nothing you say here is any more vulgar than the actions of the people you speak of.
StoneCold Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 yea, I'm aware of the two sides...sometimes theres even 3 or 4 sides, but sides don't matter it's all excuses! perhaps... but everybody takes responsibility for their contribution...or lack there of
Author HalfAlive22 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 perhaps... but everybody takes responsibility for their contribution...or lack there of The only thing I take responsibility for is my part in the failing marriage,I take none for his horndog ways,I never nagged,was good in bed,was a good mother,worked full time,kept a clean house,partied with him,kept a nice 120 pound fit figure,was independent and loved him with all that I had....hence why he wants back In! But he's a pig so..bu Buy!
StoneCold Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 and you must think that the cheating side, or the affair partner's side justifies the wrongdoing of another person? what makes you think that?
Spark1111 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Let me start by saying vent away. We all need to and it's good for all of us to try and support and understand. I have a question for you. I'm not being flippant or disrespectful. Why on earth do you think these OW are thinking about you? Do you really care what they think? If you do, why? What exactly did they do to you? What if it had been a myriad of one night stands and you never had a name or a face could you blame them? Would you be fixated on them-your H would still have cheated but it would have been anonymous. Would that have made his betrayal any easier to take? Believe me I'm not trying to find any fault at all. You have all sorts of hate for all OW and OM and just 1 line for your Hs infidelity. Not your H but for his infidelity. The OW could have been anyone or it could have been 20 anybodies he came across over years on the road. My point is the act and the perpetrator of that act as a betrayal to you was your H. I was in my mid 20s when I found out my xH cheated on me. I knew who and it was someone who we both worked with. It didn't matter who the OW was. If he hadn't made the decision to cheat on me then it wouldn't have happened. It's that simple. Who he was with meant nothing to me because he was the one who was supposed to take care of me. It could be very simplistic but it's how I see it. I share a trauma with you. It happened before I met exH and almost 30 years later it haunts me. His A took me a few years to get over but the other is with me daily, in very bad and unsettling ways. I can't say the A was remotely as bad but I know we're all different and what we feel and think is all different. I think you'll find most of us don't go out looking for people to seduce (I said most). If the person in the M isn't open to having a R it doesn't happen. The final yes or no comes from the WS period. Let me also tell you something else from the OW viewpoint-I don't think of xMMs W poorly at all. The R was with him and to me the life they had was completely separate from my life and his place in it. He never spoke poorly of her and neither did I. She was an innocent in this and he was a b0stard to her for having the A but that never made me feel she was in some way inferior or had me thinking she was some crazy wife. You've got it in your head what they think of you. Number 1 they probably don't think of you as often as you think and number 2 if you do pass through their minds it is probably a zillion miles from waht you assume they're thinking. I know I probably said a lot that didn't help but just don't put thoughts in peoples heads that probably aren't there. The other thing. You're not alone in anything you've gone through. I find it amazing you've gone through what you have and aren't sounding like a lunatic. Vent and if you want to scream and kick at someone who was an OW let me know. You can swear and yell and call me any name under the sun. If it helps you heal just a little it'd be worth it. You're tough. Keep pushing through. Sb, I know many people, especially OW/OM, or those who were cheated on and divorced, feel this way and there is a lot of truth in it. We should hold mostly accountable the spouse who cheated on us. But we ALSO hold accountable the person they cheated with. It is just the way we are. It took two, three, four people to hurt us, and while it is mostly our spouse we blame for the devastation, we also harbor pain, anger, resentment to the person who gave themselves permission to have a sexual and intimate relationship with our spouse. We just cannot wrap our heads around TWO people operating with such little empathy for us. If our marriage was so over, why didn't we know that? Why didn't our spouse inform us of that? Why did they carry on for so long deceiving us? Why didn't you care either? We are fairly convinced we would never do that to another person; that we would never engage with a married partner because spouses and families could be hurt -- no devastated --by those actions. I care less that he/she developed feelings for another. While that hurts, it is human nature and if informed of it, mature decisions could be made. It is the lying and deception of an affair/affairs, with the willing participation of another that smacks of the highest form of selfish self-entitlement. Justify it any way you want to. Someone in the affair triangle is being abused, lied to, deceived by TWO people, not one. HA22....I get it. You are screaming at the moon wondering what did I do to deserve this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Vent away.
Spark1111 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 you're entitled to your opinion but know that theres always two sides to a story NOTHING justifies cheating. If you believe there are reasons and excuses that do, you may be posting on the wrong forum, or you may be trying to convice yourself that there are reasons to justify cheating because you are hoping? intending? to do so at the very first opportunity. Either fix what is wrong in your marriage or divorce and lead that swinging bachelor life you may be missing. Because cheating will cause untold devastation to your wife and children and you will lose all of their respect for you deception. I promise you that.
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