Graceful Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 ML1974, I've been on other support boards, and actually, it's very, very common in certain circumstances for an ex (such as you) to contact an ex ex (previous ex) to find out what happened, as a form of a sanity check. Most of the times I have seen this type of contact take place is when the relationship was very abusive. Initially, the relationship starts out all sweetness and light, and then takes a radical turn. You are, of course, blamed for this, and you are told it is your fault, when of course it isn't your fault at all. The burning question at the end becomes, "did he do this in his previous relationship, is this why it ended?" and you want a sanity check. I feel like if one of my ex's exes contacted me I would be happy t talk with her - it might feel a little strange, but not the end of the world, right? I mean, how would you react if you were her? Many people feel as you do, and are more than happy to share what happened. In fact, they are glad to tell you. But you can't take it for granted that everyone would want to share this information. As for your response if she replies, I'd make it short and sweet. If she asks you what you want to know and seems as though she is willing to share her story with you, then just say the truth: you contacted her when you were feeling vulnerable and thought it would be helpful to you if you knew how their relationship ended. If she doesn't want to share with you, believe me, she won't. And if she's not in touch with him (and if they didn't have kids, it's unlikely from the sound of it), I don't think you have anything to worry about. I just wanted to let you know that what you did is not that uncommon. It's more common than I ever would have believed before I began to read support boards. Glad the worst of your breakup is over and that you are feeling better. Take care.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 (edited) Not sarcastic....definately amused, but not sarcastic. Those people on here, not naming names, T.M., woops, are annoying. Haha he is? I don't know the thought of that in a parking lot is'nt a giant turn on but i'll tell you what is for most dudes....road h##d, so try that instead Yes, while driving might work better- look over on the dating forum for the details lol. Chitown TELL ME ABOUT IT on the empire state building. And yeah, I have no clue why I'm so upset about an abusive ex - maybe because it was so normal during the relationship that I didn't notice it was abusive until after. Everyone just pray really hard that this girl is a nice person, remembers what a jerk my ex is, and doesn't decide to email him and share this info. Otherwise, we may be seeing naked pics of me on youtube very shortly. Graceful - you are so lovely for telling me this. It is so comforting. I've wondered about this woman for so long (the fact that she lives in another country feeds the mystery) and I do want to know what the heck happened between them. But at the same time I'm terrified he'll find out and I realize that I should be past this point. I just got so excited when I stumbled across her last name. Anyway, I can't thank you enough. Edited April 20, 2011 by makelemonade1974
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