makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 So my ex "hates" me and the breakup was pretty brutal. A lot of you know the story. I'm doing much better - seeing somebody else, etc. Well, today I was bored and googling (yeah, googling his name) and I discovered the last name of his ex wife. I have always wondered if other women have had similar experiences with him or if it's just me. So - I did something a little rash and I messaged her on facebook. I don't know if I'll hear back from her or not. I don't think she corresponds with my ex - I have a feeling they didn't part on good terms. But I am not only terrified she will tell him (and he will do something evil and vindictive) but I'm not sure what to say to her. How would you approach this? "So um, how did your relationship with mr a s s go?" I'm just so curious. Has anyone ever done anything like this?
EasyHeart Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Ummm, yeah. Wow, that was pretty dumb. The fact that you were googling him tells me that you're not really over him. I'm not saying you want to be with him again, but you're still thinking about him and that's not a good sign. How do you know he "hates" you? I've never done anything like that, so I don't know what you could possibly say to the other woman. I think you're best bet is to hope she doesn't respond. If she does, just drop it. No good can come out of this. Maybe you were just out of your head because of the terrible emotional trauma you suffered in that other guy's car?!?!?
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks Easy. I'm aware that I'm an idiot. I'm just wondering if he was abusive to her and what sort of experience she had - and she's a psychoanalyst - so might have some insight on my "narcissism" theory.
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 LOL!! sorry.......ummmm.....I've been around for a little bit and I have to say, this is a first! Congrats Lemonade! I really don't know what to that. But, I am curious on what you tend to gain from this conversation with his Ex?
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Oh GOD was it really that stupid? I was dumped in a really cruel manner - physically assaulted, verbally abused for a long time, cheated on w/ a friend of mine, I just would like to talk to her. So you think she's going to tell him. Oh CRAP I am so screwed.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 wow.. that took balls... umm what can i say ... geez ... u already did it so go with it ... but like dont say anything u might regret later
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Well ya'll are really making me feel better. So any ideas about a quick one-liner to undo the damage. Oops, thought you were somebody else? I'm just so curious. Maybe we could have an ex-wives club.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Okay, I'll go with the one liner. Why is it so terrible exactly?
EasyHeart Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks Easy. I'm aware that I'm an idiot. I'm just wondering if he was abusive to her and what sort of experience she had - and she's a psychoanalyst - so might have some insight on my "narcissism" theory.You're not an idiot; you just sometimes do idiotic things. We all do them. I would give you a list of mine, but I don't want you to know how stupid I can be!!! You're curiosity is perfectly normal. It sounds like you're still trying to get closure on this past relationship. But the (sad) reality is that you're probably never going to get it. I know it's hard, but try as hard as you can to just not think about it. Or him. At all. And when you do think about him, just think about punching him in the face.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 True what easy heart said.. ur not gonna get closure and apart from that even if u do get answers u'll still have feelings for him .. I know how u feel cause yesterday I wannted to to the same thing... I wanted to contact his ex whom which he had a horrible break up with and talk to her .. but it wasnt the right thing to do ....
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Why isn't it the right thing to do? Because it's none of my business? Or just generally psycho? You guys are really nice btw.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Cause it wasnt the same relationship ... cause it'll make u analyze things even more,,, it'll make u go crazy
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Do you think she'll tell him. OMG if she tells him I am so screwed - think flat tires, keyed car, ruined reputation, naked ex-pictures. He's a vindictive mofo. I feel like if one of my ex's exes contacted me I would be happy to talk with her - it might feel a little strange, but not the end of the world, right? I mean, how would you react if you were her? According to him, it was a miserable relationship, so she can't be particularly fond of him. And I've already been crazy post break-up - much more sane now lol although you can't tell - just curious as all hell. He seems to be such a psychologically disordered person.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I would talk to an ex of my exes if she contacts me... so u should keep us posted if she answers.. if she doesnt answer dont take it the wrong way
EasyHeart Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 You guys are really nice btw. That was sarcastic, wasn't it? There's nothing wrong with contacting an ex's ex. I think the problems are: (1) she's probably way past her breakup with him and has no interest in talking about it; (2) she doesn't know you and probably wouldn't feel comfortable talking about personal things with you; and (3) even if you do talk with her, there's really nothing you could hear/say that's going to change anything. So what's the point? And yeah, it does make you seem a little psycho. (I only say that because I love you!!!)
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Well if she doesn't answer, I'll know she told him. (sigh) I just asked her if we could "talk" and said "please don't tell him because I'm afraid - he's very vindictive." I will definitely keep you posted. She was always the mythical ex in our relationship - she's French and he's fluent because he lived there with her. They got married (so he says) just for the visa. He used to talk about how much she mistreated him - how terribly selfish and abusive she was. I was like "poor baby." Now I'm pretty sure I know the truth. It would be an interesting convo definitely.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 That was sarcastic, wasn't it? There's nothing wrong with contacting an ex's ex. I think the problems are: (1) she's probably way past her breakup with him and has no interest in talking about it; (2) she doesn't know you and probably wouldn't feel comfortable talking about personal things with you; and (3) even if you do talk with her, there's really nothing you could hear/say that's going to change anything. So what's the point? And yeah, it does make you seem a little psycho. (I only say that because I love you!!!) No Easy, I meant it. You guys are really helping me. I'm having an "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT" moment. And I'm not worried about being psycho - I don't really care - I am a little psycho and that's part of why I'm so fabulous. It's the Narcissism thing. I've been in therapy to deal with the relationship and my therapist and I both think he was a narcissist. If I could talk to an actual psychoanalyst that was involved with him, then she could literally diagnose him. I think that's what I was thinking when I sent the message - because in a way I already have closure - I just want to know why this breakup was so much harder for me to deal with than others that I've been through. But yes, rational thinking - not.
EasyHeart Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 You're a redhead. No one expects you to be rational. And everyone assumes you're a little psycho. There's no way you'll ever know for certain that he is or isn't a narcissist. You think he is and you're therapist thinks he is, so that means (for your purposes) he is a narcissist. Done. End of story. You don't need any other validation.
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Well, you wrote that he was verbally and physically abusive, he was mean and he cheated on you. Yeah, I'M wondering why you're having a hard time letting go. And if you're having a hard time letting go, do you think that's fair to the man you're seeing now? I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to say that your Ex definately wasn't worth it.
poorguy Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I just noticed this thread. Lemonade you be crazy!!! That is hysterical that you did that. I kinda hope she replies because I can't wait to see what will come out of that lol. This ones gonna be a nailbiter for sure. Good for you I guess, but that is funny. Lemonade I know your sensitive so know that I don' mean this in a sarcastic way
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Yes, you are all right. Rational thinking is slowly returning. I will go with the one-liner "this was a bad idea, please don't tell him." Yikes. I need an implant in my head that zaps me when I do things like this lol. Ya'll are awesome. And yes, the man I'm seeing is just lovely and I do want so much for him to be happy, and I need to get over my ex to do that. I think a little s e x this weekend may just cure me.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 I just noticed this thread. Lemonade you be crazy!!! That is hysterical that you did that. I kinda hope she replies because I can't wait to see what will come out of that lol. This ones gonna be a nailbiter for sure. Good for you I guess, but that is funny. Lemonade I know your sensitive so know that I don' mean this in a sarcastic way So you are sarcastic or not sarcastic. Crazy like a fox. At least it's not crazy me + crazy ex anymore. Now it's crazy me + really sweet level-headed man who is afraid to get BJ's in parking lots.
poorguy Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 So you are sarcastic or not sarcastic. Crazy like a fox. At least it's not crazy me + crazy ex anymore. Now it's crazy me + really sweet level-headed man who is afraid to get BJ's in parking lots. Not sarcastic....definately amused, but not sarcastic. Those people on here, not naming names, T.M., woops, are annoying. Haha he is? I don't know the thought of that in a parking lot is'nt a giant turn on but i'll tell you what is for most dudes....road h##d, so try that instead
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Yes, you are all right. Rational thinking is slowly returning. I will go with the one-liner "this was a bad idea, please don't tell him." Yikes. I need an implant in my head that zaps me when I do things like this lol. Ya'll are awesome. And yes, the man I'm seeing is just lovely and I do want so much for him to be happy, and I need to get over my ex to do that. I think a little s e x this weekend may just cure me. Damn...well at least someone will be getting some this weekend. And BJ's? I think I read about those. Hell, I wouldn't care if it were in a car or on top of the Empire State Building! Tell your man to get with it!
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