ViolaSwamp Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I have a lot of bitterness today. Im bitter about all of the lies my ex told me, and for his inability for take responsibility for what he did. He apologized, but he still did what he did and doesn’t seem to care (he cheated). I guess I’m kind of angry at myself for being fooled by him..Im bitter that he’s enjoying his life not thinking about me at all and he’s banging his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with), and they are off happy somewhere (like we used to be) and I’m left to deal with the emotions one has to process when they are betrayed and when someone cheats on them.(he is a habitual cheater and has cheated on every one of his girlfriends...so I take a little solace knowing hell cheat on her too.) And granted I dumped him and walked away but it doesn’t make things any easier. I don’t hate him, I don’t love him… Im really trying to let go of this bitterness I feel towards him. Its hard. I’m just so hurt by his actions. .I cant really figure out what this emotion is that I feel right now.. regret? disappointment? Ive been strong throughout this process and have cried when I needed to , let me anger out when I needed to, and keep trying to talk things out with friends and family. How can I let it go? Anyone else experiencing something like this? And when does it go away?! I want to be normal again and not think of him.
cerridwen Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi VS, How long has it been since you've broken up? Our situations sound nearly identical though my ex isn't with anyone. The sense of disappointment in ourselves, the anger about the lies, the bitterness, I can fully relate. Can you give a bit more information about how long it's been since the b/u?
melenkurion Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 It's been getting on for seven months for me. I had a few bouts of anger. The first one came on after about two weeks, and was directed at the guy my ex left me for (he was a friend, I knew him very well). That lasted, I dunno, 2-3 weeks. I wrote him hatemail (unposted, of course). I made myself a piece of "artwork" out of a rotten pumpkin to represent him. There was a second burst around about Christmas time, which was 3 months into the breakup. That was a sorta "how dare they be happy when I am not" kinda thing. That faded as I threw myself into other things and stopped thinking of him. I was stalking them a little bit. Once I stopped that, I stopped thinking of them. The third one was the doozy, detailed here ... (Basically, he stopped paying me money he owed, and I hit the roof). The last one turned into a mild breakdown, I guess. It took me three weeks to calm down from that, and I still haven't quite got there yet. But I can feel that I will. In a couple of weeks, I still won't be happy about them, but I care less and less as they are more and more out of my life. At the end of the day, they both behaved terribly. What is to miss?
Author ViolaSwamp Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Its been almost 3 weeks. 3 long long weeks. Every day is different, sometimes I have lovely days, sometimes I have rage. I want to be devoid of all feeling for this person though. Grrr make it stop!
cerridwen Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) Ugh, OP, you're in the rough patch. Didn't realize you're only 3 weeks in but good news is...the first three weeks are over! That's 3 weeks closer to you being over it. Wouldn't it be great if the healing was linear? Instead, we just have to weather these up and down days. Bitter today...angry tomorrow...indifferent then next. It's a rollercoaster. I was having bitter feelings too. Do you know what helps me? That saying about life, "Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself." Your ex may LOOK like he's pulled ahead, finding happiness while you're miserable. But life doesn't work that way. Where you two are is just a snapshot in time. Don't be surprised to find yourself healed and moving on, only to find out he's unhappy or alone. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this myself. Edited April 22, 2011 by cerridwen
bslchump Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 The best way I can describe the healing process for me has been in bursts. It feels like I'm slowly climbing a mountain of happiness, then when I get pretty high up, a little thing (our dog's tag that she gave me, a picture of her, a smell that reminds me of her) knocks me way back down into the valleys. I spend a few days drudging around down there (bouts of crying, anger/sadness/depression/loneliness) and then I start the climb again. When the next thing hits, I don't sink QUITE so deep down. It's still deep, but it's not as bad. Then the process starts over. Over time, I hope to be on top of the mountain, and when something knocks me over, i'll slide down a few feet, but I'll dust myself off and keep going up.
Author ViolaSwamp Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Wow what great uplifting responses. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I feel more positive today. Thank you guys!
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