PinkChic Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi everyone, If you have been following me... basically my ex, after an amazing weekend away dumped me out of the clear blue... this was almost two weeks ago now... I sustained what little self respect I had left and went no contact... Yesterday, at work I recieved an envelope from someone anonymous saying "I thought this may help you move on a bit easier" and it was several pictures of my ex with another girl. Yes, It stung but to be honest, I have researched his personality to a T and realize I deserved so much better... and while, yes it has been difficult moving on,... I am doing it. Well, I still felt compelled to write him an email letting him know that I knew... Here it is: " ____, I am writing this to get some things off my chest in order for me to continue moving on... in fact, I am not even looking for a response... This morning I went into work and found a certified envelope on my desk... inside was a letter, signed by no one... saying you had been cheating for 3 weeks, along with 6 pictures of you and this other person... I had no idea you would be capable of cheating or I guess I just thought we had stronger feelings and more respect for each other than that... but like most things you told me, I guess that too was a lie. I have come to accept the lies, the betrayals and the fake memories... and when I first looked at the pictures I slightly laughed... Now, as I turned off my phone to everyone who is calling and texting and wanting to make me feel better I am begining to realize it hurts. I have never been cheated on before, I have always valued my relationships and believed they were something special ... and the very last person I thought would ever cheat on me would be you. Yes, I am more hurt that you would walk away from a child as if it was your empty beer bottle... but to know that as I was fighting to no end to save our relationship and change your mind you were creating another one with someone else just stings. At first, I couldn't accept from you that "my feelings changed" and I read several books on your personality... I cried through each one as I felt like they were writing the book exactly about you. So many times I felt stupid as I was reading that I never saw the signs... or maybe I did and just chose to ignore them... and so much of me was begging you because I wanted to help you so bad... but I have come to realize that I can't help you...no one can help you... you have to help yourself... I guess as I turned off my phone, drove today without the radio on and really thought about those pictures and that letter... I realize the person I fell inlove with has died... I'm no longer mourning the end of a relationship I thought had so much potential... I'm now mourning the death of someone I once had such strong feelings for... I feel even more dumb that I never knew our relationship ever had the problems it did... I was so naive to think that everything was perfect and that we were lucky to have what we had... and I most definitely never realized our relationship had no respect or faithfullness to not cheat on the other person... I always said in time I would forgive you for forcing me to get rid of our child and for walking away from us when it just started to get great... but to know you were with somene while you were telling me you loved me everyday and having sex with me... and promising me all these great things... that I'm not sure will ever be forgivable... which I'm sure doesn't matter to you,... Like I said, I'm writing this more for me, than for you... I know through all the reading I have done on your personality that this means nothing to you and you are very capable of cheating... I guess this adds to the laundry list of things you have done that I would have never expected... I hope for myself, and for you and for anyone you want to be involved with in the future you will find yourself some help. I don't say that with any meaness attached... I say that with dignity and pain, because I know how it feels, and I wish the pain you brought to me on no one... I'm sorry that you felt you had to keep me stringing along as you were also with someone else, if you had told me there was someone else involved I would not have once tried to change your mind, not once tried to work things out and not once bothered to make sense of the situation... It would have made my pain of this break up a lot easier... ... If I need to get tested for STD's please have some respect left and let me know... I hope if there is anything that I taught you... is that love, faithfullness, and respect are key to any successfull relationship... and that without them you don't even have a friend in the end... Good Luck," I feel like I have taken two steps back in the NC department and I don't know... just feeling kind of lousy.. I always try to handle my actions like an adult and mature.. but I feel so ughhh
DollyGirl12 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I can't imagine someone leaving a letter on your desk. Do you think the ex had something to do with it? Just adds more to the sting, but then again, I do think you are better off knowing what kind of man he was. I like your letter. I'm not quite sure if you should send it or not. I'm sure you will get alot of advice from others. I only say that because that is sort of the kind of letter I wrote to my ex, although wasn't quite as kind as yours, but was not terribly mean. The response that I got back from him was one of hurt and insult, as he was insulted and hurt that I could think he could do something like that to me (even though I knew he did, had the proof). But, for a while I was stuck questioning myself as to whether or not I had behaved in an abusive manner. I think the narcissist in him, and his reaction, allowed me to slip there. Didn't stay there long though. It is an awful thing to deal with when you think you are on equal footing with the person you are involved with both emotionally and intimately. HUGS!!!
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 nice letter...OR you can simplify it and write, " You are a frickin lying and cheating scumbag. I want you and your herpes to never darken my doorstep again you frickin douche rocket!" Saves you from carpel tunnel syndrome.
Author PinkChic Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 I did send it... and this was the reply I got in return moments later.... "Amanda, I am sorry that in the end of all of this you ended up hurt. I know about the pictures you received this morning because Ashley sent me a ridiculously long and very very hurtful message to me. I don't expect you or anyone to believe me, but I swear on my life and before God I never cheated on you. I don't say that unless I mean it, and you know that. Whatever pictures you received are fake, because I never ever cheated. I am glad you are able to move on. I do still intend to go to a counselor at some point, because I do have great trouble with feelings and emotions. I also don't expect a response, but know once again I did not cheat on you and those photos are falsified. I did have so much fun with you but my feelings changed, and that was my fault. I wish you the best of luck in life, and know you will do great! " Your right... very painful to read....
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 So, someone tipped him off and he had time to formulate a response if you contacted him. Do you know what I just read? Blah....blah....blah... Ask yourself this, who would take the time and effort to doctor up some photo's and to what gain? You guys were broken up! I wouldn't believe a word of it. And I still think you should have sent my response! You're title say you hit rock bottom, that's alright then. Because the only other direction is up!
DollyGirl12 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Yes, as hard as it is to hear, I agree with Chi townD. People aren't going to doctor up pictures to create more pain for you. I think he's feeding you a line of b.s. I wouldn't even respond back to his email. He sounds like one that is able to quickly think on his feet. My ex was exactly the same way. Could come up with some concocted excuse in a flash, where I'd probably have my head whirling trying to figure out how the heck to respond if I were caught doing something I shouldn't have been doing. I am sure this has worked very well for him in the past, which is why he is able to do it so well. I know this is causing you alot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Hugs!!!
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