Mrsrobinson Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Well, I'm new to posting threads about my life, but here we go. Been in a relationship for 7 years, married for almost 2. total of 4 children( 3 that are his 1 that is mine. 2 that live with us). He is 33, I am 29. We have been through alot together, pretty much anything that you can imagine. He's my best friend and has seen me through my daughter's absentee father( as I have taken on the motherly responsibilty's for his 15 year old son), I had a life threatening illness about 3 years ago and came through with flying colors with him by my side(basically), I have alway's known that I was bisexual, but couldn't share that with my daughter's father, but of course he was fine with it and we have had numerous encounter with women together(pre and post marital), We met 2 months after he was released from prison( he had an unfortunate situation happen where his life was on the line and he had to spend 4 yrs in prison for defending it. He's not a hardened criminal) but because of this we have dealt with his difficulty with employment (though suprisingly he has only been unemployed for about a total of 8 months broken up here and there throughout our relationship, he's pretty good at keeping a job), We've dealt with illness in our families and stood by each other while caring for ailing and dying loved ones,My current unemployment, We've dealt with his infidelity, and lies (we'll revisit later), and somehow were still together and kiss and spoon every night. Now that you have some history, here's the current issue's. I have almost totally lost my trust in him. I know that some may be judging because I introduced other women into our bedroom, and that may be a factor in our problems but please don't harp on that! He has lied to me on two occasions over the last 4 months about pointless issues. He lied to me about breaking ties with a friend of his that I am not that fond of but have learned to tolerate. His friend got drunk one night and came by and totally disrespected me by licking me across my face and attempting to put his tongue down my throat. He was attempting to give me his cold or flu, and went to far. My husband acted more upset by the act than I was. I was feeling more disgusted while he was feeling disrespected. He told me that he broke all ties with his friend and come to find out 2 months later that he hadn't, he just kept him away from the house and away from me. He made me look like a bitch by telling me not to answer the phone when he called, and the friend had no idea that there was even a problem. Not until I finally answered the phone one day and confronted him about it. His friend immedietely apologized and said he had no memory of the incident, And was as puzzled as me as to why my husband never brought it up. What was my hubby's answer after his initial denial and temper tantrum because he was caught?" I don't know why I lied, but I did and I'm sorry, now what?" We got past that and have had our little normal everyday issues, and then last week he lied to me about $500. We are completely dependent upon his income so I know exactly what he makes, and we sit down together and decide what bills to pay, and other household expenses. I physically pay the bills because he doesn't like the hassle, and have told him time and time again that he can take over doing so anytime he would like. He came home before a trip to a conference with his fraternity and said that he got paid a certain amount, he gave me x amount of money for bills and the house and a little for me, and told me he had x amount of money left. Well about 2 years ago I got us prepaid debit cards online and signed them up from my email address. So "mysteriously" after we went over our weekly bills, I got an email saying that there had been a $500 deposit to his card. That was odd because in 2 years he had never used his. When I asked him he immedietely got defensive, and denied that he had anything to do with this "$500 gift from the sky". I argued with him about it and shortly let it go. I took him to his hotel and took my kids out to dinner(since we had a little extra he said to treat myself, and our son and daughter). He stayed one night by hisself and I met him the next night. I doubt he was cheating because he spent most of the time on the phone with me, because I think he felt that I suspected that. He lied about this for a whole week! I persisted about it, and we went back and forth until I put my private eye gear on and busted him. His reasoning, he wanted something for his self and wanted to start to save. He was sorry, and once again "Now what, are you going to divorce me? Are you going to throw me out?, if not I don't want to hear it." I still cussed and fussed for about an hour, And have tried to move on. I'm trying get myself back to life as usual, but this time, my trust in him is totally diminished. We have had our ups and downs with trust in our relationship from the beginning and still somehow I can't imagine life without him or with anyone else. He is my bestfriend, my lover and my parenting partner, but right now he is sucking as a trustworthy partner. I feel like he thinks that since we are married and we have our children, that he can do whatever he like and that I have no means of recourse. I don't like spending my time angry, it's just not in me to do so. So I move on and smile every morning as usual. But I feel taken for granted and don't know what to do. I feel like all the forgiving that I have done has come back to haunt me . And that I have no way of changing things. I don't want a divorce! I want my husband and family. But I can't handle these constant stabbs in the back ! He refuses to go to marriage counseling. What now?
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