Throughthewire Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi forum members:) Here is my story. I have been dating a girl for about 9 months now. The relationship was good and very positive. About a month ago I became very insecure about her feelings towards me. I would constantly question her feelings and ask for reassurance. This is party because she is new to relationships and has a hard time expressing how she feels. She says of course she cares about me and likes me and that I should trust her in that. It has been difficult to but I have been getting better at it. About 2 weeks ago we had a conversation about the relationship and I asked her if she could just tell me she cares every so often just so I know. It is not like I am a needy person, on the contrary I am very independent and confident and have had many great relationships. After this talk she decided that she needed to figure out if this relationship was something she could deal with. I suggested we work on the issues. She agreed that maybe working on the issues would help but wanted to be 100% sure that is what she wanted to do. She asked for space and time to figure out what she wanted because she couldn't make up her mind because of school stress. She is in the middle of finals and is really overwhelmed with anxiety and stress and says she can't decide on the relationship now. She said once finals are over she will give me an answer when her head is clear. I have now been no contact with her. A few days ago I ran into her friend and we started chitchatting about life and the subject of us came up. She said she had spoken with my girlfriend and that she told her she misses me very much and thinks we will get back together once the stress is over. The friend also assured me and my girl would be back together. I was happy to hear this but at the same time it made me question a lot of things like what if she changes her mind? My question to you guys. Now that I know she thinks we will get back together do I end no contact to try and get my second chance? Or do I wait for her to come to me? Part of me wants to end no contact so I can strike while she still misses me because I am afraid in another week when finals are done she won't feel the same? OR do I let her come to me and respect her wishes to be alone right now? I know in my head what the answer is (no contact, let her come to me) but my heart tells me to call her while she still cares and misses me! I just need some words of wisdom and encouragement! THANK YOU ALL!
DustySaltus Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I think you need to reinvent yourself. See, it's messed up but the less you care the more they care and vice versa. You need to achieve a healthy balance in a relationship that is going to go anywhere. You have to stop being so needy, let things flow. Ask yourself one question though, why is she telling her friend that and not you? I think you both have things that you have to work on for yourselves before you can be happy together. Do that first and everything will work itself out.
Author Throughthewire Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Thank you for your advice! I think part of the reason she told her friend this is that I told her not to contact me until she was de-stressed and she has respected that. I think that the break could be good for getting things into perspective. I am just worried that if I do not contact her now she might feel different in a week when we finally reconnect after her exams.
Hules Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 This is called breadcrumbs my friend or testing the waters. Hold your ground, my ex's friends have been doing the same to me as of recent. Unless you want to appear needy again, wait for her to contact you, she will if shes genuine about getting back together. As Dusty said, shes willing to tell her friend this (mutual friend none the less) because she was hoping it would get back to you like it has. This is a test to see if you will jump through the hoop shes offering. The answer is no you wont. Good luck.
Author Throughthewire Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 This is called breadcrumbs my friend or testing the waters. Hold your ground, my ex's friends have been doing the same to me as of recent. Unless you want to appear needy again, wait for her to contact you, she will if shes genuine about getting back together. As Dusty said, shes willing to tell her friend this (mutual friend none the less) because she was hoping it would get back to you like it has. This is a test to see if you will jump through the hoop shes offering. The answer is no you wont. Good luck. Could you please explain what you mean by breadcrumbs? I am not the brightest bulb and have a hard time understanding psychology. Her friend told me this in confidence, saying that 'don't tell her I told you this.' I know she is genuine and would not make this up. What is the purpose of telling her friend this? To see if I still care? I can't decide if this is a positive or a negative.
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