KatieW Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 My boyfriend, or i should say ex-boyfriend, left me yesterday. He said he felt "trapped" in our relationship and he would of left before but he didnt want me to do anything "stupid" Ive already tried to tell him i want to fix it and he told me its over and nothing will change that. I dont want to be clingy and annoy him even more but i miss him so much already... I dont know what to do without him anymore, my life pretty much revolved around him, i spent all my time with him and i even drifted away from all my friends. Its like i cant remember what i did without him ): I miss him so much already it hurts, everything i do reminds me of him. He said we can still be friends and i know i probably shouldnt because it will just remind me of him more, but i cant help it i dont want to lose him. I just really need someone to talk to because i feel like i have no one
Rose T Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi Katie, welcome to LS and sorry you're hurting. So many people here know how you feel so you really are not alone. Do come and talk here and vent because it can be really hard when you've let your friendships slide a bit, although it does happen a lot. There's lots I could write but let's concentrate on the important stuff for today. Try not to contact your ex, even though you're hurting. There's a very wise poster on here (Caliguy I think) who talks about giving your ex the gift of missing you. Breathe in and step back from your break-up. It's the hardest thing in the world but you have to start here, with a pause from him. Don't try and be friends and ignore any references to friendships he might make. That will only make things much harder. As your break-up is so new just take care of yourself, try not to get in touch with him, and make sure you eat properly and get plenty of sleep. All really important at the moment. Read round the boards and try and think about what he said, for now, give him the space he asked for and be kind to yourself. Take things day by day. You'll be ok.
confused_blondie Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I know how hard it is. Its been 6weeks since I broke up with my ex boyfriend. It was totally out of the blue. I know all I wanted to do was ring him and tell him I missed him and beg him to come back but I knew that wouldn't help. He has asked for space and time. Give it to him as you need it too. I know its going to be hard and it really is but it makes you a stronger person. If he does get in touch don't answer back straight away. This will show him you don't need him. I didn't answer back at all. I have now been No contact for 6 weeks. It is sooooo hard but it really does help. Get in touch with your friends. Apologise for not being round and making time for them again. Friends will always understand and be there for you no matter what. Mine have been brilliant. Not sure I would have coped without them. I know how hard it is not to speak to him or text him but you need to. Its the only way you will heal. Delete him off facebook etc. It does help...trust me. Don't stay friends it doesn't work. You can be friends once you've healed. This site is brilliant. Read all the threads. You'll get some great advice and support. If you feel like you want to speak to him. Speak to us instead. We all understand exactly what you are going through. Be strong and I promise it will get easier )
Author KatieW Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Thank you for your messages and for listening to me. I guess i feel better already just knowing that im not alone in this process. I made a mistake by talking to him online today ): Everyone has told me i should ignore him and let it heal but i couldnt resist just saying hi. Turns out i should of took everyones advice because 5 mintues later he told me he was going out with his friends. I feel selfish for being jealous of him, i wish i could get over it as easily as he has. Im constantly thinking about him and what hes doing, whether hes enjoying it without me or if hes with another girl, i know i should stop thinking this way ): Its so hard to not contact him because he was my best friend as well as my boyfriend, he was the closest ive even been to someone, so i dont want to lose everything i have with him, but im not sure if i can still be friends with him if it will just remind me of what i have lost. ):
smudge21 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 My ex was also my friend, and I know what it's like - you feel you've lost two very important people in your life. You do need to stop talking to him, or looking at anything that will remind you of him. Any pictures or letters, lock them away (don't destroy them) - out of sight, out of mind. Believe me, you'll get tempted to go looking for info, but I beg you not to. I did that and what I found only hurt even more than the initial break-up. It really is better to not know; ignorance truly is bliss in this situation. As for him getting over it, you have to remember that when someone ends a relationship, it's something they've already mentally finished in their minds way before they physically finish it. I've been a dumper in the past and know that I was over her before I ended it (maybe because I thought I could work it out or something, I don't know). Try not to think about this too much, it's just the way these things go. Go total no contact on him now, it truly is the only way to heal. Keep posting here everytime you get tempted to contact him too, and don't let any random texts from him set you back. If he starts doing that, just tell him to stop, especially if he suggests being friends. Good luck... and yeah, it does get better.
pippa02 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Hey katie, am really sorry you are going through this! My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago which was completly out of the blue. I really reccommend that you try and do no contact straight away, I have been limited contaxt with my ex for the past two months. I never begged or pleaded for him to come back or anything but I text him most weekends to see how he was etc, I now really wish I had just gone no contact straight away! Everytime my ex would text me back or talk to me it just ended up making me feel worse, I would read into his texts too much and try to understand him but it would always just make me feel terrible. I know you must feel awful at the moment, for the first few weeks I felt horrible, couldn't eat etc and couldnt stop crying. But as time goes on things get a wee better, the crying will stop and it wont be so painful! although I still have a long way a head of me to get over him, I feel a lot better than the first two weeks! Remember there is life outside of your ex! Remember how you were before you met him and aim to get back to that place, that is exactly what I am doing! xx
mysticmeg1 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 firstly sorry that your hurting hun..i know how your feeling:( in your post you said '' we were always together and spent all that time together'' im my opinion here lies your problem... ye were probably spending ''TOO'' much time together that he felt smothered.. its different for a woman in a relationship we always want to be with our other half every minute of the day!..sadly this isn't the case for men: when they start to feel trapped they drop a bomb shell like this..in fear that there going to start to change ...you get what im saying??? a man wants to feel macho they dont want to be know as the guy who is ''whipped'' not saying that you whipped him or anything.... but a man's image to him is everything especially if he has alot of male friends. i know your hurting now but no contact is best..don't believe for a second that he's not thinking about you... mark my words he will be in contact with you in the next few days! what he wants you to do now is to see how hard you will fight to get him back..as every man wants but you need to be strong and show no interest to contact him he will see what he's missing and start worrying why your not crawling back to him.
Recommended Posts