melenkurion Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 It's well over six months since I found out that my partner was cheating. He ran out with the guy he cheated with. The full story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251730/ I thought I'd be much closer to being over it by now. For more than a week now I have found that I miss him. Up until now I hadn't really missed him more than fleetingly: the odd day here and there. A week ago I cried in bed, missing him so strongly. I hadn't done that since a month after the breakup. I feel that I should be so much further along by now. Am I just being unrealistic in my expectations? I go to a counsellor. When I raise this with her, she says that after an 8 year relationship, then six months is no time at all in terms of recovering. It's taking me a long time because of the amount I invested in it, she says. I think in some ways I might be clinging onto my old life, however? Also, I still feel so angry at times about the cheating. Well, angry more about the lying and gaslighting that went along with the cheating. I should be way past that. Perhaps I've not forgiven myself for allowing the dodgy behaviour to go on unchallenged for so long. I dunno if feeling it now has a lot to do with the season: spring was the favourite time of year for both of us, full of hope, full of promise. We both enjoyed gardening, especially growing things to eat. I've been doing a lot of stuff like planting seeds, digging my allotment. I really don't want to give that up: it was as much me as it was him. More "me", in fact. But... I liked to chat about the seedlings, the stuff we were growing, compare how we were doing with the previous year. Stupid stuff like that. Those happy memories from years gone by, they are coming back, as I do all this stuff again, and he doesn't seem so bad any more. I miss coming home from work and him taking me to the greenhouse and showing me what was happening. I'm pretty close to writing him a letter saying "I hate that we don't talk any more". Idiotic, I know. That won't help me one little bit, but it will make him feel OK about how badly he treated me. It's not that I want him to feel bad, particularly (OK, not 100% true, but I am getting there). But I do not want him to think that what he did is in any way acceptable. What's my point? Dunno. I feel a bit weak, I suppose. I feel I am missing a trick, in some way. It's my most sustained period of missing him in six months or so. Also: I still get the "does he miss me too" thought in my head, sometimes. Ridiculous. It doesn't matter whether he misses me or not. What matters is that he left.
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