The girl I want to be with forever cheated on me with a sex addict :(

[acstallion]

Hello everyone, I am new to this site and I am only 16 years old and looking for some help. I have been with this girl for nearly 3 years now, we have been together since the age of 13, we are each other's first love and first for everything. We would really like to spend the rest of our lives with one another. We have lost our virginity to one another and everythinh, However October last year she cheated on me for the third time, I forgave her after the first and second time but not sure whether to forgive her this time. I am also not sure if they had sex or not.

 

This boy was one of my best and most trusted friend that I've had even though he has got a reputation to be a player and a sexual addict. Apart from myself this boy was the only other boy my girlfriend talked too. I did not worry about them two talking as I trusted both even though she had cheated on me before she swore that she would never do it again.

 

Just before she cheated on me we were going through a slightly rough patch as there was rumours going around I was having sex with another girl which were not true, she realised the rumours were fake after all the damage had been done to me. We also stopped having sex with one another during this period.

 

One night she rang me and told me I'm with your friend in my house now but I still want to be friends with you, I did not understand her so I just cut the phone off, the next day she apologised to me and got back with me, well that's what I thought, couple of days later I found out she was still with him, at this stage I was literally broken down, I also found out they have been continuously seeing each other at her house for a week, few days later they eventually broke up and she came back to me, I accepted her back and gave her another chance.

 

After two weeks of there braking up at school this boy started saying to everyone that he has had sex with my girlfriend on numerous occasions at her house, the way he says it is really believable and he is fluent when saying what he has done, he also has a reputation to have sex with many girls as I've said earlier. My girlfriends denies that she has had sex with him and that he is lying. Ever since october I have told her to confront him about it but I am still waiting, I do not know what to believe, I am currently still with her and she has changed to a much nicer person now but if she has had sex with him I do not want to know her any loner. Do you think I was right in giving her a fourth chance? and I also want to know if she has had sex with him during there brief spell of being together? Bare in mind that all this boy wants is sex and has even gone far enough to raping girls, I'd really appreciate help and advice from experienced people, I am still young and this is tearing my life apart. Thank you.

[Sazerac]

First of all, I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. No one deserves that.

 

It is more than likely that your gf cheated on you, having done so in the past. A repeated pattern of behavior (i.e., cheating) is a pretty good indicant of present and future action. Without a direct confession, there is no way you will know 100% for sure...your mutual "friend" could just be bragging. (BTW, he is no "friend"...and if he has raped girls he should be reported for sexual assault.)

 

Personally, I would say her behavior is a deal-breaker. She has demonstrated to you what she is capable of and, in taking her back, you have condoned it, even silently. There is no reason for her to change if she knows you will keep taking her back. I know it hurts, but...it's probably best to cut your losses and move on.

[Professor X]

1. You go call the cops if you claim he rapes girls.

Or better yet, you go beat the **** out of him and then call the cops.

 

2. Grow a pair and ditch the slut. I'm sorry, I'm sure it hurts as hell, but the fact you even gave her a second chance shows how insecure you are by allowing people who completely disrespected you (to say the least) and stomped all over you to be a part of your life still.

 

You sound like a good guy, you don't need a lowlife such as her with you, you deserve a lot better than this.

 

3. We would really like to spend the rest of our lives with one another" - Wrong. You would like that, she wouldn't. And her actions speak louder than her words.

 

4. For your questions: you were WRONG for giving her a 2nd, 3rd and obviously a 4th chance. Probably the worse idea in the history of bad ideas.

- She had sex with him multiple times, I promise you that much.

"One night she rang me and told me I'm with your friend in my house now but I still want to be friends with you" - she dumped you and wanted to feel better with herself before having sex with him.

 

It's cute and all that you've been the first with everything with one another, but that means nothing once she broke her trust with you (first time she cheated).

 

Let her go, heal up and than go find yourself a new girl.

There are plenty of nice girls out there who will not sleep with random guys who hit on them once they are in a RS, even if they are angry at one another at the time.

[Survivor12]

I understand that you are very young and that you are confused and hurt, but in order for you to make good decisions in your life, it is necessary to learn to separate your emotions (what you want to believe) from what is fact. To that end, let me point out a few things that you have written (that you believe) that are clouding the truth.

 

"We would really like to spend the rest of our lives with one another."

First of all, it is impossible to know absolutely what another person wants or thinks. Your only clue is either a) what they tell you or b) what their actions show. How YOU feel about a situation has nothing to do with how THEY feel. Relying solely on "a" is often a mistake as people do lie not only to you but to themselves and even "the truth" can be misinterpreted. More often, it is the actions of a person that speaks most accurately. In this case, regardless of what your gf may have told you, if she was truly committed to spending the rest of her life with you, she wouldn't be seeing other guys. More than likely, she is hanging on to your relationship-at least in part-because young girls relish the idea of romanticism. Also, since you have been "together" for so long, I'm sure that there is a sense of security and familiarity that is difficult (for both of you) to give up.

 

"Ever since october I have told her to confront him about it but I am still waiting..."

So what does that tell you? What it tells me is that either she is lying to you about what happened OR she doesn't want to alienate him by making him angry at her--or BOTH. Again, regardless of what she has said to you, her actions (or, in this case, inaction) proves that she isn't being loyal to you. If she were, she would be determined to set the record straight not only for your benefit but to protect her own reputation. Obviously, she doesn't care that anyone (including you) believes what this guy has been saying.

 

"This boy was one of my best and most trusted friend that I've had even though he has got a reputation to be a player and a sexual addict."

First, I have to say that at age 16, it is not at all unusual for a guy to be obsessed with sex. That aside, you also state that, "all this boy wants is sex and has even gone far enough to raping girls". That is a pretty heavy allegation. While I understand that you are angry that he has been messing around with your gf, unless you have proof that this is true, it appears that you are merely trying to find reasons to blame HIM rather than HER. Unfortunately, if she has cheated on you 3 times, SHE is responsible--no one else. That is something that you really need to face. Until you stop making excuses for her, nothing is going to change.

 

"I am currently still with her and she has changed to a much nicer person now but if she has had sex with him I do not want to know her any loner."

In what way has she changed? And what difference does it make whether or not she had sex with him? She betrayed you for another guy. THAT is a FACT--she even had the nerve to call and TELL you when she was doing it. So, now that she's been caught, of course she's going to be "much nicer" to you...she wants to you to forget about what she did and let your guard down so she can do it again, and you can bet that the next time, she will be much more careful about not getting caught.

 

Here's the best advice I can give you...accept the fact that she isn't ready (even if she wants to believe that she is) to commit herself to you. Give yourself a break from the constant agony of wondering what has happened, what she's up to, and whether or not to trust her. Believe me when I tell you that if you give yourself the chance, you will have many opportunities to meet and get to know other girls/women before you decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with. As much as it may hurt and as scary as it may be to let go, not giving yourself the chance to experience life on your own will hurt you even more.

 

Be honest with yourself. You KNOW the truth...you just need to find the strength to believe it.

[WorldIsYours]

1. You go call the cops if you claim he rapes girls.

Or better yet, you go beat the **** out of him and then call the cops.

 

2. Grow a pair and ditch the slut. I'm sorry, I'm sure it hurts as hell, but the fact you even gave her a second chance shows how insecure you are by allowing people who completely disrespected you (to say the least) and stomped all over you to be a part of your life still.

 

You sound like a good guy, you don't need a lowlife such as her with you, you deserve a lot better than this.

 

3. We would really like to spend the rest of our lives with one another" - Wrong. You would like that, she wouldn't. And her actions speak louder than her words.

 

4. For your questions: you were WRONG for giving her a 2nd, 3rd and obviously a 4th chance. Probably the worse idea in the history of bad ideas.

- She had sex with him multiple times, I promise you that much.

"One night she rang me and told me I'm with your friend in my house now but I still want to be friends with you" - she dumped you and wanted to feel better with herself before having sex with him.

 

It's cute and all that you've been the first with everything with one another, but that means nothing once she broke her trust with you (first time she cheated).

 

Let her go, heal up and than go find yourself a new girl.

There are plenty of nice girls out there who will not sleep with random guys who hit on them once they are in a RS, even if they are angry at one another at the time.

 

Best post.

[Woman In Blue]

ROFL!! All 16 year old boys are one big hormone waiting to happen! Where the hell do you kids come up with labeling a teenage BOY as a sex addict???? He's acting like all 16 year old boys are expected to act - screwing anything that can't get away from them. Jeez! You kids don't even know the MEDICAL description of a sex addict, so stop throwning the term around like you know what you're talking about.

 

And secondly, if this boy is a "rapist" like you claim, why isn't he in juvenile hall somewhere, paying off his debt to society? Or is this just more teenage silliness we're being subjected to? My head's about to explode.

 

Lastly, you're only 16 years old so you have no CLUE who you want to spend "the rest of your life with" in the overal scheme of things. Just because this is how you feel RIGHT NOW doesn't mean it's how you'll feel next month or next year. Trust me on that one.

[purplepanda]

Hey, be nice, the poor guy's had his heart broken a thousand times.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but don't go back to her. Break it off. Don't even tell her why, cause then that gives her a chance to explain things, which she shouldn't cause we all know that hurts so much more. DO NOT be friends, do NOT keep her on facebook/myspace/twitter/cell phone contacts or anything similar. It only hurts. Go out of your way to avoid her. It's the only way you will get over her.

 

As for the other dude, just ignore him. he could be lying, but somehow I doubt it because of your girl's past. Again: I'm so sorry. I know how badly it hurts. Being 17 and in high school and in love...really sucks.

 

She doesn't care about you, she just wanted someone to fall back on. Trust me, I know. I was once the cheater......

[Kelemort]

Woah boy. In my opinion, you're too young to be having sex - and here's why. You've been with this girl since you were 13. Did you establish love and trust before you started having sex? Did you discuss what the both of you might do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy? Have you ever discussed birth control methods? Are you using methods (if you aren't already, PLEASE use at least 2 methods every time you have sex - whether that's condoms and spermicide, birth control and spermicide, whatever).

 

You have a good heart in you to trust this girl after she broke your heart the first time. But you have acted like a fool to allow her to do it a second and a third time. She's stomping all over you because you've allowed it. And I think you know as anyone else here that it's time for you to move on.

 

Because what if you stay with this girl? She'll simply continue this behavior - and possibly expose YOU to STDs. I see a future in which you'll be supporting her while she's pregnant with some other man's (God knows who) baby. Is that really what you want for your future?

 

I know you're young and you think that this love is probably going to last forever, as you detail in your post. Many of us envision a romantic future in which we are forever with the first person with whom we made love. In reality, it almost always never plays out that way. You'll probably have many more sexual experiences, and it's very likely your girlfriend will have tons and tons more. Don't nail yourself down to a girl who has treated you like this when you're only 16 years old.

 

Go to Planned Parenthood and have yourself tested for STDs. Who knows if you've been exposed to anything. And STOP being her doormat. You can and WILL find other women to love. Just because she is your 'first' doesn't mean she's your best, your last, or your most special. Sex is sex at the end of the day.