Leda Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Have you ever been the dumper in a relationship, and chosen to reconcile with the person you left? If so, did you initiate the reconciliation? If the person you left initiated the reconciliation, what steps did he or she take, and what made you willing to go back? (I've been reading these forums for a while, and I sometimes feel compelled to offer advice, and then I tell myself, Yikes, Leda, you are the last person who should be offering anyone any love advice!! But I haven't been a heartbroken, needy, shell-of-myself, dejected trainwreck in every relationship!! Anyway, I thought it might be helpful/interesting to share stories.)
au_chocolat Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I dumped somebody once who loved me like crazy and was drop dead gorgeous. At the time I was stupid and I thought it would be easy when he tried to reconcile with me... that I would walk in and run the show again. What I learned is that he couldn't (and good for him) let himself fall in love with me the same way. He had gone through the devastation and even though he wanted back in, that tenderness, those special feelings, couldn't come back because I was no longer a sacred person out for his best interests. And how could I have been somebody worthy of such love after I was such a jerk? (NOTE TO CURRENT DUMPERS, LOL) So, we are friends today (years later) and I am even close with his wife who I admit is perfect for him. The experience was good for me because I appreciate life and the person I am with SO MUCH MORE than I did then.
Author Leda Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 When I was very young (17), I left someone because I felt like I was never in love with him, and I had a huge crush on another guy. He hung around as my "friend", letting me know how desperately into me he was and basically pumping up my ego and keeping me up on a huge pedestal, and when I was sad that things didn't work with the crush guy, he was there full-time to hear me cry about it and pick up the pieces. One night he made a move and I got back with him, and stayed with him for six months or so out of loneliness, and then we started separate colleges and we had a mutual break-up. I would never treat someone that way now that I am an adult! But on the other hand, I actually felt really resentful toward HIM. I had tried to get him to leave me alone and give me space after I left him, but I felt like he sort of wore me down by being there all the time when I was going through a rough spot. I directly asked him to leave me alone and he ended up always being where I was. At that age, it seemed easier to try to "get" something out of it than to keep struggling to set a boundary, but by the time he made a more-than-friends move, I was so close to him that I went for it. The guy I was with a couple of years later, who I was madly in love with, dumped me, then came back and changed his mind and we stayed together for 12 years after that before I eventually left him. When he dumped me I was pretty broken up, and I didn't try to get him back, I just sort of felt awful. He was very direct about wanting me back and feeling he had made a mistake. When we got back together, I took the hurt from him leaving me into our relationship, and it made it harder for us to have a good thing, although there were many aspects of that relationship that were wonderful. Dumpers should definitely beware, and make sure leaving is what they really want!
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