dragonfly22 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Ok so maybe some of you have seen some of my other threads. To make the story short my ex-fiance dumped me last Thursday because he says he "doesn't love me anymore", after 5 years together. He gave no specific answer as to what happened but said there was no turning back and his decision was final. He also said he knew our problems were easily fixable, but he had no interest in working on them. When I asked him if there was someone else he said "not yet but there's definitely someone I'm interested in, and now that I'm single I'll pursue her." I know when he said "not yet", he meant nothing physical had happened but I know there had to be an emotional affair there. He had this week off work and now I know for a fact he's spending the week with her. Ok so why the name of the thread? Because I should've seen this coming. You see, I met my ex 6.5 years ago, when I was 20 and he was 21. We were classmates and didn't really talk to each other or got along at all. About 1.5 years later destiny finally placed us in the same situation, waiting for someone else by ourselves for over an hour in an empty place. We started talking and the rest is history. I remember clearly telling a male friend about this new AMAZING guy I had just met. First thing my friend said was "are you sure he doesn't have a girlfriend??" I said "well of course not! he wouldn't be pursuing me if he was" (again I was 21 by then, a very trusting, immature 21 year old girl). Please notice by this time nothing had happened, not even a kiss, but we had long phone calls and chats and it was obvious for both of us this was heading somewhere. So that night I asked him -laughing- if he had a girlfriend, as my friend had told me to ask. Well he got nervous but said NO. He said he had broken up with her recently. I asked how recently, he said 3 months or so. I was terrified. I know how long it takes me to get over a breakup so 3 months out of a 4 year relationship sounded like a rebound to me. I had just been hurt by a guy who used me as his rebound to get his gf jealous (and then went back to her) so I was particularly sensitive about this. Anyway he told me over and over he had no feelings for her and he wasn't really sad about the break up. Then he started reciting of all the girls awful flaws and he was convincing enough so I decided to continue going out with him. About a week later we started dating officialy. Then about 3 months into the relationship I found out something shocking. During all of our "courting" time, he STILL was with his girlfriend. He actually ended everything with her the NIGHT before we started our relationship. I was TERRIBLY upset about this and this caused some trust issues at the beggining of our relationship. He said the moment he met me he knew I was the woman of his life (yes, I fell for that ) and he knew if he told me he had a girlfriend I would have never gone out with him (yes, because that's the kind of woman I am). He also said he had not cheated on her because he broke up with her before giving me our first kiss and starting our relationship. He cried and shaked the whole time he explained this because he said he couldn't lose the woman of his life now that he had found her. Because of the things he said to me about his ex I always thought they had severe incompatibility issues (she was extremely religious, he is an atheist, he was extremely organized and driven, he's more of a laid back guy). Of course that's what HE said. We were VERY compatible so I thought we were different. In the beggining it seemed very obvious he was CRAZY about me, even more than I was about him. Actually MUCH more. My love grew with time. It seems, his faded instead. So sorry for the long story but as you can see he did the EXACT same thing to me. I don't know about his relationships before the ex but maybe he's done it before. It seems to me like he goes into long term relationships but he leaves them the moment he finds someone "better" or more interesting. And he leaves them with absolutely NO regret. He never showed any regret over leaving his ex. I never saw him get worried about her or show any remorse about what he did. The last time I talked to him I told him I deserved an apology and he said no he didn't, he didn't have to apologize over his feelings. To me, he is a case of eternal GIGS. I don't want him back but I'm worried I'll meet another man like him. Do you think someone with eternal GIGS will ever change? Do you think something like marriage could "tame" them?
PelicanPete Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 (edited) I feel the most important piece of advice there is to give about relationships, is never enter a marriage, or even a relationship, expecting or wanting the other person to change. It will never work. Don't let this guy ruin your perception. I know it hurts now and I'm sorry this happened to you, but don't let this one clueless neanderthal drive you away from relationships. You won't be in any condition to start a new healthy relationship anytime soon, but do your best to embrace all of your feelings equally and understand why this has happened. It all happens for a reason, maybe you are meant to find eternal happiness with someone else, or even with just yourself. You'll never know if you cling to the familiar too long. If you really reflect on your situation, and give yourself time to understand why this has all happened, don't worry. I guarantee you you'll never end up with another guy like him. Edited April 20, 2011 by PelicanPete typos ;)
Recommended Posts