Enchanted Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I go to this christian college and this guy has been coming up repeatedly to me and asking to be friends. I said okay. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He's been calling me and texting me on occasion. Anyway . . . . . He started saying that he struggles with lust issues because in the christian faith, we aren't supposed to have premarital sex and blah, blah, blah and how he's had it. I said,"Well, so do the majority of Christians. I mean, I've had premarital sex and I honestly can't comprehend the idea of living without it. It's a natural human thing." And then he said that he struggled with fantasies and then randomly stated that he had been having sexual fantasies about me. I got off the phone not too long after that. I have to see this man for the next eight weeks and whenever I turn men down, they tend to call me a bitch. I don't hate him for saying that he has fantasies about me, but I have a boyfriend and do not wish to lead him on. What do I do to end this situation peacefully? So that he won't call me a bitch but will give up on pursuing me? My class only has 12 people in total in it so we all know each other well and half the people in the class are related to him, so I don't want a bunch of people to be pissed at me. Because if he's mad at me they probably will be too. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I'd like your help.
sumdude Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Well the first thing to do is is realize that you are not responsible for his actions, feeling or reactions. But from what he did he sounds a bit off so be prepared. You just have to be calmly firm with him.
tigressA Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 You can't try to prevent him from calling you a bitch or any other nasty name. All you can do is be direct, clear and firm. What happens after that is out of your hands, for the most part. If you are harassed after you turn him down, then report it. Tell him that you have a boyfriend, and that you no longer feel comfortable associating with him because he's expressed unwanted interest in you.
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Well the first thing to do is is realize that you are not responsible for his actions, feeling or reactions. But from what he did he sounds a bit off so be prepared. You just have to be calmly firm with him. True. He told me he has anger issues, in fact, already. He almost got kicked out of the school for disrupting classes but I don't know specifics. I guess I have to just suck it up and deal with it if he calls me a bitch or gets mad.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Just tell him you have a boyfriend and stop jerking him around! Damn it I'm so sick of girls not saying what they mean and expect men to just get the hint. Tell him the truth and be done with it already.
one goal Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Why lie to him and say you have a boyfriend? That is kinda mean. Is this guy ugly or something? Maybe you should give him a shot. But almost getting kicked out of school for anger, he sounds like he might go off the deep end. Me thinks he is lonely, hence why he asks to be friends. But him saying he has sexual fantasies about you, when you don't even date him is sick. I mean I've been having a huge crush on the teacher, but I'd never say anything like that to her.
onegoal's conscience Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I mean I've been having a huge crush on the teacher, but I'd never say anything like that to her. And if you listen to me more often it'll stay that way.
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Just tell him you have a boyfriend and stop jerking him around! Damn it I'm so sick of girls not saying what they mean and expect men to just get the hint. Tell him the truth and be done with it already. I didn't do anything to jerk him around. I just didn't tell him flat out when I first met him,"Hey! I have a boyfriend" and I didn't know I needed to tell that to every single guy when I first start talking to him. I will bring it up if it comes up in conversation, but I don't go out of my way to say it immediately. Also, as you can see, I am planning to tell him the truth. I just want to do it tactfully. It's better when someone's feelings are involved to think before you speak.
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Why lie to him and say you have a boyfriend? That is kinda mean. Is this guy ugly or something? Maybe you should give him a shot. But almost getting kicked out of school for anger, he sounds like he might go off the deep end. Me thinks he is lonely, hence why he asks to be friends. But him saying he has sexual fantasies about you, when you don't even date him is sick. I mean I've been having a huge crush on the teacher, but I'd never say anything like that to her. I have a boyfriend already. That being said, ironically, I'm dating a nice guy and this guy is a bad boy and while everyone likes to claim that girls like to only date bad boys, I don't think I could handle dating him any way even if I was single. I also don't want him to use his anger against me. He's flat out said that he uses women and enjoys wooing them so he can have them in bed and I don't find that attractive nor do I expect to change him.
WorldIsYours Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Whatever, just get it over with. LOL!!!:laugh:
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Whatever, just get it over with. All right. I am going to when I see him next (which is tomorrow.) Usually I take the blunt approach and that always leads to me being called a bitch as I've said before. I know there's a better way of wording it than I usually do, which is why I asked. I know you are angry that girls jerked you around, but those girls aren't me. I am my own person and this issue is separate from yours.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 All right. I am going to when I see him next (which is tomorrow.) Usually I take the blunt approach and that always leads to me being called a bitch as I've said before. I know there's a better way of wording it than I usually do, which is why I asked. I know you are angry that girls jerked you around, but those girls aren't me. I am my own person and this issue is separate from yours. Jerked around? You dont know the half of it . As for you being called a bitch, it's probably because you made the unwise move of just blurting out that you have a man before the man even asks you out. That's a no-no. You only do it when the guy expresses obvious interest like asking for your number or whatever. Its so simple so stop making it difficult already. This is I what I mean about you girls .
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Jerked around? You dont know the half of it . As for you being called a bitch, it's probably because you made the unwise move of just blurting out that you have a man before the man even asks you out. That's a no-no. You only do it when the guy expresses obvious interest like asking for your number or whatever. Its so simple so stop making it difficult already. This is I what I mean about you girls . But he hasn't asked me out. Just said he has sexual fantasies about me. You are saying this is simple and now you are making it complicated. I am supposed to wait now and possibly lead him on before he asks me out? What?
windows Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Don't lead him on. If he truly is a Christian brothe, being told bluntly that this isn't on would be the right thing to do. You can't control his future actions. Don't be cold - be clear and assertive. Tell him nothing's going to happen between the two of you and from there its up to him to deal with it. You will be discharged from your duty.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 If people sound like they are projecting their issue onto yours, it is generally time to let go of their posts. Enchanted Girl, I get why it is awkward because he has done something weird. It isn't normal for a guy to just start saying about how they have anger issues and fantasize sexually about you. Good for you for reaching out for advice about a weird circumstance. No one should slight you for that.
OldSkool Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Jerked around? You dont know the half of it . As for you being called a bitch, it's probably because you made the unwise move of just blurting out that you have a man before the man even asks you out. That's a no-no. You only do it when the guy expresses obvious interest like asking for your number or whatever. Its so simple so stop making it difficult already. This is I what I mean about you girls . Dude, get off your supposed high horse, get your resentment and anger under control. There's no place for that crap in the world. Here you are telling someone you barely know about how she needs to modify her behavior to keep from offending oversensitive boys like yourself. Instead of blaming all "girls", look at yourself for why you are not successful with women. It's called Occams Razor. @Enchanted. There is an old guy's joke. What is the difference between a bitch and a whore? The whore will sleep with every guy at the party. The bitch will sleep with every guy except you. Take the insults with a grain of salt and realize that being called a bitch by a man you are not romantically interested in is their inability to handle rejection like a real man.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Dude, get off your supposed high horse, get your resentment and anger under control. There's no place for that crap in the world. Here you are telling someone you barely know about how she needs to modify her behavior to keep from offending oversensitive boys like yourself. Instead of blaming all "girls", look at yourself for why you are not successful with women. It's called Occams Razor. @Enchanted. There is an old guy's joke. What is the difference between a bitch and a whore? The whore will sleep with every guy at the party. The bitch will sleep with every guy except you. Take the insults with a grain of salt and realize that being called a bitch by a man you are not romantically interested in is their inability to handle rejection like a real man. You dont know what you're yakking about. I told her to be honest with the guy about how she feels about him and be done with it. My issues is with women frolicking around and not saying what they mean. Giving guys their number with no interest in dating them just for the attention or ego boost. I've been apart of the pre-dating scene for years, so dont tell me about getting off some high horse. Come to NYC and lets see if your success rate goes up. I seriously doubt it . That's exactly why NYC has a ridiculous proportion of single women out here. It's because she wants to be single and dont wanna give a true man a chance. Just bang him, rinse and repeat. Of course we got the old women and the unattractive ones looking for boyfriends, but too bad I'm discounting them. Society is to blame for why men and women cannot connect. The roles of the sexes are blurred. If things were to go back to days of old, you would not see complaining threads about why women this or why men do that.
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 You dont know what you're yakking about. I told her to be honest with the guy about how she feels about him and be done with it. My issues is with women frolicking around and not saying what they mean. Giving guys their number with no interest in dating them just for the attention or ego boost. I've been apart of the pre-dating scene for years, so dont tell me about getting off some high horse. Come to NYC and lets see if your success rate goes up. I seriously doubt it . That's exactly why NYC has a ridiculous proportion of single women out here. It's because she wants to be single and dont wanna give a true man a chance. Just bang him, rinse and repeat. Of course we got the old women and the unattractive ones looking for boyfriends, but too bad I'm discounting them. Society is to blame for why men and women cannot connect. The roles of the sexes are blurred. If things were to go back to days of old, you would not see complaining threads about why women this or why men do that. Except you didn't just say,"Just tell him and be honest", you talked about how you were sick of women that you claimed were like me. And as you can see from my other thread, I did as you said yesterday and it blew up in my face.\ And that was why I made this thread asking for advice.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Except you didn't just say,"Just tell him and be honest", you talked about how you were sick of women that you claimed were like me. And as you can see from my other thread, I did as you said yesterday and it blew up in my face.\ And that was why I made this thread asking for advice. There was no nice way to stop that christian bad boy from stalking you. he was determined to stalk you no matter what you did, this has nothing to do with you, it has to do with him being nuts. It didnt blow up in your face, you just won the psycho lottery. You were going to lose in this one either way. Tell your bf, change your number, and if this guy gets in your face, tell him how pathetic he is.
Author Enchanted Girl Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 There was no nice way to stop that christian bad boy from stalking you. he was determined to stalk you no matter what you did, this has nothing to do with you, it has to do with him being nuts. It didnt blow up in your face, you just won the psycho lottery. You were going to lose in this one either way. Tell your bf, change your number, and if this guy gets in your face, tell him how pathetic he is. Well, I made this thread because I am good at reading people and I could kind of tell he would react badly. If there was no way to do it without him acting this way, then that sucks, but I was hoping to avoid it when I made this thread.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Well, I made this thread because I am good at reading people and I could kind of tell he would react badly. If there was no way to do it without him acting this way, then that sucks, but I was hoping to avoid it when I made this thread. Yeah, some folks are a few bricks short of a load. Just be glad that you aren't a "hot teacher"
OldSkool Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Of course we got the old women and the unattractive ones looking for boyfriends, but too bad I'm discounting them. Society is to blame for why men and women cannot connect. The roles of the sexes are blurred. If things were to go back to days of old, you would not see complaining threads about why women this or why men do that. Let me guess, you voted for Obama...
Shaun-Dro Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Well, I made this thread because I am good at reading people and I could kind of tell he would react badly. If there was no way to do it without him acting this way, then that sucks, but I was hoping to avoid it when I made this thread. To be honest about seeing someone from the get-go when he asked for your number would've avoided this. Look, I'm not bashing you over this. I understand if the guy has stalker tendencies or whatever and you dont wanna be bothered with that. It's cool. It just gets things off on the wrong foot when he wanted your number and you gave it to him, regardless of his intentions, without revealing you had a boyfriend already. That would've stopped me dead in my tracks and any other normal person wanting to hopefully date you. Lesson learned I hope?
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