sumdude Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 ...at least on the outside. Over the last year I've had a few flings, mostly one night stands. Pretty much because they were there and willing. They're all pretty cool women but each time I very quickly found something that made me pull away. A) She's a friend of a friend and a regular at one of the music clubs I frequent. Lest year during the first east snowstorm she and other friends cooped up in my house partied and had a good time. We ended up hooking up. But I pulled away right after. Then the big blizzard hit and I thought I would give her another chance and that i was wrong. Same story though. Something about her sexually turned me off and that was it. I'm just not that attracted. We're still friends and go out and hang frequently. Now that i know her better I realize there are other things about her that wouldn't work for me B) She and I hung out a lot as friends for months. I am attracted to her and we have great conversations. One night I just made a move and we were getting hot and heavy in the back of my SUV.. but I stopped myself for some reason.. well other than the fact my bladder was gonna bust. I just remember her comment once that she cheated in every LTR she had ever been in. Big red flag. Too bad, otherwise she's great though a bit of a flake. We're still friendly. C) My ex wife's ex best friend. Now this was a surprise. When my ex started lying and cheating her best friend was also being lied to so she cut ties. Thing is she's recently separated and I know her husband and was at their wedding. She came to my birthday party. We we're buzzed and one thing led to another. I just didn't want to get involved n that situation. I kinda hope they might get back together so I don't want to be in the way. I also wasn't attracted enough. D) She's a regular at a club my band plays. I was there one night last week just to party and we kinda hit it off. We had met a couple times before. Well I was just going to drive her home and she asked why we weren't going to my place. What's a guy to do? I kinda figured from her actions that she knew this was a fun thing. But ever since she's been way too much way too fast. Acting like she's my girlfriend and trying way too hard. Again she's cute and all but something about the physical chemistry is missing. So I could have kept any of these flings going if I wanted to.. just to use them for sex. But I don't have that in me. If I see someone is already getting attached I let them go so I don't hurt them way more later.I didn't make any promises or BS anyone. I really am getting frustrated though. Part of me and some of my friends, including women tell me I should just have my fun. I just want to meet the real thing. Where the attraction, sexual chemistry and everything else work out. Plus I'm still a tiny bit hung up on my ex GF who is in my band but I've pretty much let go. She was the last one who I have that chemistry with. What's a guy to do? Go ahead and have my fun and stay honest and if they get hurt they knew up front while I keep looking for a better thing? Or keep going like this. getting a piece here and there randomly until the right one comes along. I know I have some trust issues from my ex wife.. but I think once whoever it is comes along I'll know it.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 How about stop " whoring" yourself and stop sleeping with easy women? The reason you haven't met someone you can connect with is because you're hanging out with all these chicks who'll give it up at the drop of a hat. By exposing yourself to them, they're just going to reaffirm your feelings that most women are skanky, and you're just going to lose respect for them. I don't disagree with your friends that it's okay to have fun, yet at the same time, you're setting yourself to be disappointed by getting into situations with these women. You know Max Tucker? Everyone knows he's the biggest " slut" and d-bag ( or publicly known dbag) but he can still get girls to sleep with him. Only problem is these girls are easy themselves and have no problem giving it up.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 How about stop " whoring" yourself and stop sleeping with easy women? The reason you haven't met someone you can connect with is because you're hanging out with all these chicks who'll give it up at the drop of a hat. By exposing yourself to them, they're just going to reaffirm your feelings that most women are skanky, and you're just going to lose respect for them. I don't disagree with your friends that it's okay to have fun, yet at the same time, you're setting yourself to be disappointed by getting into situations with these women. You know Max Tucker? Everyone knows he's the biggest " slut" and d-bag ( or publicly known dbag) but he can still get girls to sleep with him. Only problem is these girls are easy themselves and have no problem giving it up. This is solid advice. A friendly face on these boards (she knows who she is!) told me the exact same thing when I complained to her that I'm generally disappointed in women and they way they conduct their behavior, etc. She told me to stop messing with low quality women, because in the end, low quality women are low quality women, and it'll be low quality behavior that they portray. To keep exposing yourself to this kind of thing, it'll slowly alter your perception of the female gender...even if you don't want it to, and then you've become slightly jaded. Before you know it, you're extremely jaded and bitter. These are not good things.
Author sumdude Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Wow, that's quite a scathing judgment of these women. They're cool, just not for me. Sometimes things just happen.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Wow, that's quite a scathing judgment of these women. They're cool, just not for me. Sometimes things just happen. I'm not judging them so much as calling things how I'm " reading" them; and you certainly didn't paint them in a good light given that you made it out that they all " threw themselves on you". Whatever the case, you don't seem like you're ready for a relationship so much as just throwing yourself into whatever comes your way and hoping the spark comes.
9Lives Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 it kinda sounds like women giving you the booty too soon is a turn off for you. It kinda kills the mystery and the fun. Is that right?
WorldIsYours Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I'm not judging them so much as calling things how I'm " reading" them; and you certainly didn't paint them in a good light given that you made it out that they all " threw themselves on you". Whatever the case, you don't seem like you're ready for a relationship so much as just throwing yourself into whatever comes your way and hoping the spark comes. Exactly. Including getting involved with a married woman.
Author sumdude Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 it kinda sounds like women giving you the booty too soon is a turn off for you. It kinda kills the mystery and the fun. Is that right? Not necessarily.. in fact of the four women I mentioned I knew three of them for months to years before anything sexual happened between us.
9Lives Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Not necessarily.. in fact of the four women I mentioned I knew three of them for months to years before anything sexual happened between us. Could it be that your not emotionally available right now since you are still kinda trying to get over the ex?
Author sumdude Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Exactly. Including getting involved with a married woman. Yes indeed. That's why I let it go right away. We both agreed it was one of those things. She called me to try and get together again but I didn't feel right about it.
WorldIsYours Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Yes indeed. That's why I let it go right away. We both agreed it was one of those things. She called me to try and get together again but I didn't feel right about it. Why you lying to yourself, man? You didn't let it go easily. You said one thing led to another.
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