KCJ Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi, I am new to this forum, and I would like advices on my situation. My bf and I have been together for almost 6 years most of which is long distance. I've never really been jealous or insecure until now. About a couple of months ago, my bf started hanging out with a female friend from work, whom I've never met or talked to. I encouraged him to go hang out and have fun since he doesn't have many friends left where he lives (they all moved away after college). I had no problem with him hanging out with the girl. They went to the bar, eat, etc. However, one night, he texted me saying he and the girl were going to go out that night, and he promised to text me when he's heading back. Anyways, it was 1 AM his time and 4 AM my time, so I decided to call him to make sure he was ok. Turned out, he got so drunk and went back to the girl's apt and slept there. Now...considering that we are 3000 miles away, and I have no idea who this girl is, it's hard for me to feel like this was an acceptable behavior. After this incidence, I also happened to find out that he and this girl were texting like every hour of the day every day for two months until I told him I'm uncomfortable with what's going on. Some of the texts were even at like 3/4/5 AM. I asked him about this, and he said he doesn't remember them ever talking that late, and that they never talked about anything important. I just don't know what to do. I feel hurt because I feel like he crossed the line and disrespected me and the relationship. I don't have a problem with him hanging out and having fun, but to get hammered with another girl and staying over at her place???? I don't even know this girl! And on top of that, they were texting constantly. Even though he keeps telling me that he was just talking to her like a friend, I don't feel it's appropriate to talk that much.... He assured me that everything he did was dumb. He stopped texting and hanging out with her. He's thinking of moving in two months to be with me (I cannot move since I'm in school). It just doesn't matter what he says or does right now. I just feel like I was being replaced and that he was trying to fill the void by talking to her (he denied this). I feel like he wasn't even considerate of my feelings at all. We've been doing the long-distance thing for so long. I thought he and I both understand the boundaries in our relationship. I'm just very hurt, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is worth throwing away a relationship for. **I also posted this under the "Dating" subforum.
WorldIsYours Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi, I am new to this forum, and I would like advices on my situation. My bf and I have been together for almost 6 years most of which is long distance. I've never really been jealous or insecure until now. About a couple of months ago, my bf started hanging out with a female friend from work, whom I've never met or talked to. I encouraged him to go hang out and have fun since he doesn't have many friends left where he lives (they all moved away after college). I had no problem with him hanging out with the girl. They went to the bar, eat, etc. However, one night, he texted me saying he and the girl were going to go out that night, and he promised to text me when he's heading back. Anyways, it was 1 AM his time and 4 AM my time, so I decided to call him to make sure he was ok. Turned out, he got so drunk and went back to the girl's apt and slept there. Now...considering that we are 3000 miles away, and I have no idea who this girl is, it's hard for me to feel like this was an acceptable behavior. After this incidence, I also happened to find out that he and this girl were texting like every hour of the day every day for two months until I told him I'm uncomfortable with what's going on. Some of the texts were even at like 3/4/5 AM. I asked him about this, and he said he doesn't remember them ever talking that late, and that they never talked about anything important. I just don't know what to do. I feel hurt because I feel like he crossed the line and disrespected me and the relationship. I don't have a problem with him hanging out and having fun, but to get hammered with another girl and staying over at her place???? I don't even know this girl! And on top of that, they were texting constantly. Even though he keeps telling me that he was just talking to her like a friend, I don't feel it's appropriate to talk that much.... He assured me that everything he did was dumb. He stopped texting and hanging out with her. He's thinking of moving in two months to be with me (I cannot move since I'm in school). It just doesn't matter what he says or does right now. I just feel like I was being replaced and that he was trying to fill the void by talking to her (he denied this). I feel like he wasn't even considerate of my feelings at all. We've been doing the long-distance thing for so long. I thought he and I both understand the boundaries in our relationship. I'm just very hurt, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is worth throwing away a relationship for. **I also posted this under the "Dating" subforum. Plain and simple: You must leave this guy. Surely you know he's cheating on you with this girl. Find someone else who's worthy of you.
creighton0123 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Did you ever ask him outright? Calmly tell him that you appreciate commitment to monogamy and ask him if he had romantic contact or interest in this girl.
Author KCJ Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Yes, I did ask him outright. We had a few discussions about this already. He said that there was nothing going on with this girl and that they were just friends. However, it's difficult for me to think that they didn't have an attachment when they talked that much and everything.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 well, the line has been crossed. the decision is in your hands. he may or may not have attachment with this girl. he can deny or be honest about it but if you still feel the hurt, doubt, and betrayal, anything he say won't change your feelings. did he offer any resolution or he just said sorry? do you think you will be able to get past this? if the answer is no then it's time to cut your losses.
Author KCJ Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Yes, he has made changes. He stopped talking and hanging out with the girl. He told her to stop contacting him. He's also planning to move to where I am in 2 months, so we can at least spend a year together if he ends up going to school somewhere else next year. I don't know if I can get past this. Everything is still new. I need more time to decide, but I also don't want to draw this out any longer. Thanks for the advice.
Flgirl44 Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Yes, he has made changes. He stopped talking and hanging out with the girl. He told her to stop contacting him. He's also planning to move to where I am in 2 months, so we can at least spend a year together if he ends up going to school somewhere else next year. I don't know if I can get past this. Everything is still new. I need more time to decide, but I also don't want to draw this out any longer. Thanks for the advice. ya of course he stopped hanging out with her.....he got what he wanted. You are on alert about it, so of course he's going to break it off with her, how else is he supposed to have his cake and eat it too if you break up with him?
Recommended Posts