Kelemort Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 There are tons of threads about when to sleep with somebody and when not to. For me personally, it's a minimum of 9 months into the relationship. Most folks here seem to suggest 3-6 months. I'd never sleep with somebody if things up until that point had been bad. Oh well, lesson learned. Wait until they're showing interest in you as a person - and not just free dinners and sex - before you choose to sleep with your next partner. I'm sorry to hear this guy did this to you, though. You sound like a good girlfriend.
Author Love_sohard Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Thank you and yes I probably jumped in too fast. In the beginning it's so easy to get disullusioned. You think someone is so nice and wonderful at first and it's easy to believe words instead of actions. I just feel very betrayed. He says he loves me, calls me his girlfriend and then disappears on me all day? Wont answer my calls and just a week ago tells me he is "torn" about things. Eh it's not worth dissecting what he is thinking--I think it's better that I just move on but it is for sure hard.
9Lives Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Thanks for all the feedback guys. Update---he's now acting really strange. I called him last night and he didn't answer his phone but it went to voicemail after two rings (you know how you can tell when someone hits the "ignore" button. He didn't bother to call back nor has he texted me all day. I have no idea what is going on here. He did this about a week ago too..got all distant, told me he needed to "figure his life out" and then after two days decided he wanted me back and promised to be more upfront. I am seconds away from texting him and asking him what is going on but I feel a better approach may be to just distance myself and not say anything at all Thoughts? It sounds like he is seeing other people as well. Is this possible?
2sunny Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 It sounds like he is seeing other people as well. Is this possible? this is what i'm thinking. i watch a friend - he tells a gal and shows her he's totally into her - then, he suddenly starts paying ALL of his focused attention on someone new - completely forgetting about the one he claims he is in love with. when he is absent = it's because someone else HAS his attention...
Author Love_sohard Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 It IS possible considering that he dissapeared last week too telling me that he was "depressed" but he didn't contact me and became very distant and on a Friday when we were supposed to "talk" he was literally absent the entire day. I don't know how I would find out for sure nor do I know if I really want to know. He obviously wont admit it so maybe I should just move on and cut my losses... He is being very shady
Author Love_sohard Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Wow cherry on top...ready guys his latest text to me after not hearing from him all day "im indecisive" I told him that I don't want to convince anyone to have to be with me. and to have a nice life. now he is blowing me up..oh geez
2sunny Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Wow cherry on top...ready guys his latest text to me after not hearing from him all day "im indecisive" I told him that I don't want to convince anyone to have to be with me. and to have a nice life. now he is blowing me up..oh geez can you block his number? you deserve better!
Author Love_sohard Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 After the said he was indecisive something inside of me snapped. His excuse now is that he is worried that we don't see each other enough to be happy Last week when he disappeared his reason then was because he thought I was going to move for my job. Its like he is looking for anything he can to push me away and out of his life. He texted me later saying he wanted to come over and talk. I said I am willing to hear what you have to say but don't expect me to want to be with you. So he calls me DRUNK an hour later to say "he is just confused about what it is he wants" and is going to bed. Whatever! IF someone really wants to be with you don't they do anything they can to make things right? He would rather drink and say how confused he is. He very well may have been seeing someone else this entire time but it's fine because I am done done done. Just sad though. I really pray not all guys are like this.
jane100 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Just sad though. I really pray not all guys are like this. Hmmm.... I know what you mean We live and learn, so its a great lesson you had and it only took a couple of months. One of the things is start how you mean to go on as it is difficult to change things once you get into a habit, staying home, cooking, blah . Second, though its good to "talk", sometimes its just good to back off as a woman and do nothing/say nothing especially when they are being jerks. Having a talk can be useful for clarification, but even with having a "talk" you are making an effort .... Third, actions speak louder than words. But hindsight is a wonderful thing!
Author Love_sohard Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 Thanks you are so right..it's just hard. feel so burned and amazed that I was fooled by someone that I really trusted and cared for. I like this quote though "You have to lose some friends and lovers along the way to find the ones who were meant to stay" I only wish it could have been him..but someone who is constantly "confused" about me is not what I need.
Author Love_sohard Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I feel like somebody punched me in the gut. I found out my boyfriend of two months had been sleeping with and communicating with his ex girlfriend and mother of his child for the last several weeks. He had been acting strange and a little distant for sometime now but whenever I would ask him he would have some lame reason such as the fact that he was scared of getting too close to me because I might move and leave him or that we didnt get to spend enough time with each other. When he would call me after a night of drinking he would say things like "I am so confused--and indecisive" well now i know what it all meant. She wrote me a facebook message yesterday telling me that he was telling her that they were going to work things out and that he loved her. Meantime he was also doing the same to me and kept telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. She said if I had any doubt she was telling the truth, she would be happy to meet with me and show me the text messages he had been sending her its so hard because I asked him over and over again to reassure me he wasnt going to go back to his ex . They were together for a long time and have a child with each other. I have never dated a man with a child and so it was hard for me from the get go to think of him having to see her all the time but I figured that was impossible to get around. I tried, I was there for him, I Loved him through his confusion and issues about us and now I find this out and it leaves me reeling. I wrote him a text basically telling him to go to hell after I found out and he denied everything and basically tried to turn things on me. In a moment of weakness I texted him while crying at 2AM saying "I love you--how could you do this to me?" I just am having a hard time understanding how people can be so cruel and manipulative. How can people play with hearts so easily? It hurts big time. I dont know how to trust again..and right now I just want to curl in a ball and cry and cry
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