fetish Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 (edited) As many of you who've been following my stories know, my girlfriend of 8 years/fiance for 2 just broke up this past February, right before Valentines Day. I've been kicking myself the past few months because i made the mistake back in 09 and cosigned her a car. At the time, everything was going well and we were planning on getting married. It's not something i normally would do but i felt sorry for her because her family couldn't get her a car and the car she had broke down, so she was out and i was just trying to be a supportive fiance. She agreed to keep up the payments. She was keeping up with the paymnents for about 20 months until she slipped and fell behind in January. She didn't even tell me about it. I found out by a credit watch program i had that alerted me i had been reported for a late payment. When i approached her, i was angry and felt betrayed. Besides that, i had watched her gambling problem was growing worse and her constant need to borrow money through payday loans to cover past bills and overdraft charges. It was a problem that i couldn't ignore and her refusal to own up to it is what ultimately what led up to our painful breakup. There's times over the last few months that she would contact me saying "I miss you". We had sex once since the break up. Like with any break up, I've missed her and my mind would play tricks on me and would almost forget about why we I split. I suffered severe depression and heartache the last few months over our failed relationship. Come to find out recently, she's not ready for me to know where she lives because she's afraid i'll get mad at her one day and take the car, but there's a tracking device on the car. Either way, she's selfish and i'm worried because there's still about 3 years in payments left on that car. I've gone NC for about a week now, but i'm a little worried that i may still be under her mercy. After our break up, i asked her if she could get the car refinanced and get another cosigner. I suggested her grandmother since she has the best credit out of her family. She said, "She won't do it!" Her grandmother is tight with money and all of her kids (my ex's mom included) have drained her cash and CDs and borrowed huge amounts of money. But i'm at witts end on what to do. It's almost like she's trying to hold me hostage so i can still be in her life somewhat? She claims she'll keep the payments up but i know her, she's bad with money. Her mom helps her out sometimes, but often, she's a late payer too. My girl will leave it to her mom and not know what's going on. How am i supposed to go complete NC seeing this girl is poison to me when this car is still tied to my name? People tell me, " it could've be worse, just be glad you didn't marry her!" But it feels like its already worse. I need help of this worry. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Edited April 19, 2011 by fetish
DollyGirl12 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. It really bothers me when someone is financially irresponsible and it affects someone else. I'm sorry to say this, but if you find out that she is repeatedly late on the payments, or doesn't make a payment, you must take the car back. This is REALLY not fair to you. Your credit rating follows you around for a long time, and it also makes a huge difference in the kind of interest rates you pay, as well as your ability to get financing. I have a sibling that is like this and I will tell you that the stress it causes it just unbelievable.
au_chocolat Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I agree with Dolly on the unfair part, but don't let the car issue be a reason for you to become obsessed with her and her bad behavior. I've done it myself: where you go and get caught up about the money owed or who gets the pets when really you can work these situations out simply, but just keep this up as part of the drama of the breakup. Take the car back if need be OR let her/her mother make the payments and do that, but don't let this issue hinder your growth by keeping you tied in.
Author fetish Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks alot guys for your support and feedback. I just feel so stupid that i allowed myself to get tied up like this. The first 2 years of our relationship, she asked me 3 times to cosign for her a student loan because her mom's credit is all messed up. I always told her no. But this time, 2 years ago, i saw she was in a fix and needed help. She doesn't have any family out here in Houston TX, she was out of a car, and plus she was my "then" wife to be. As big as Houston is, a car is a must. I was doing it purely out of goodness, but alot of people who try to do things out of goodness get screwed over. I feel so worthless and brainless. I actually committed to her before actually "committing" to her. anymore thoughts would greatly be of assistance.
Rose T Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi Fetish, nice to talk to you again. Can you break this contract, i.e. take the car from her, insist or use legal routes to get her to find another co-signer? I know you don't want this to get nasty but if you can get out of this I really would. I'm sorry if that's not hugely helpful but I really would explore every avenue I think to break this link between you - it will make healing and moving on that much easier. Good luck and I must say that it looks like you are making progress, so hang on in there.
Author fetish Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 thanks rose t. your advice is always helpful. i have been making progress and i still have my sad days and times. I've been having to tell myself that the girl made her decision to give up on what we had. I may have to get some legality involved if she continues down this route. A person on LS claiming they were a legal assistant tried telling me I was screwed, but that's negative. Not trying to hear that. I'll be better off talking to an actual lawyer.
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